American Idol: It's Gotta Be The Pouf.

Last night, Andrew Garcia performed "Heard It Through the Grapevine" on American Idol. Right in the middle of the performance, my fiancé said thus:

"I think he's channeling...uh...what's his name..."

(I'm thinking, Marvin Gaye? Jason Mraz?)

"Kim Jong-Il."

American Idol: A Sad Revelation.

I realized something this week: American Idol no longer excites me.

I don't know if it's the contestants, or the lack of talent, or what. But these days, AI is no longer appointment TV for me.

The front runners. I am so bored by them. I have NO PLANS to buy CDs from Lilly Scott or Siobhan Magnus or Crystal Bowersox. Sure, they were entertaining in the beginning, bringing something new and funky to the table. Now I'm over it. I want my freaking ballads back!

These three girls are so far out of the mainstream, they'll appeal only to niche fans. As for the guys, the current favorite seems to be Michael Lynche, who consistently gets positive feedback from the judges. I just see him going the way of Ruben Studdard. Big, lovable black man who sings really well, but has zero appeal beyond the show.

And now, thanks to myself, I have "Sorry for 2004" stuck in my head.

Don't get me wrong. I like all these people. I just wouldn't buy any of their music. And I don't think America will, either.

And is it just me, or are the judges totally biased against mainstreamers this season? Katie Stevens and Katelyn Epperly get so much flak every week. And yet, if Katie made an album, people would probably buy it. Creedence Clearwater Revival? This is not 1968!

Oh and speaking of things I don't want to hear again: Genie in a Bottle, sung at a slightly frantic pace with guitar accompaniment. WTF, Andrew Garcia, WTF???

American Idol, Top 12 Guys: Meh, Meh, Meh.

I don't even know what to say. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that so far, this season totally blows.

Now, it could be first-performance jitters. It could be poor song choices. It could be bad juju. And ALL of these things could vanish by the time next week rolls around.

Still, it has been one disappointment after another these last two nights. Yesterday, it was the men's turn, and while they were better than the women, it was not by much. Most of the performances were just aiiight...but ultimately forgettable.

Oh, and if I hear one more Maroon 5 or Jason Mraz song, I am going to scream. Isn't there anything else on the Billboards?

Let's get into the contestants. My favorite, as any reader of this blog knows by now, is John Park. Not because he's the most talented (though he has a smokin' baritone), or the most hot (though he does have a smile that could melt a bar of gold). It's because he is the Great White (Asian) Hope for Asian Americans to break into the music biz. He also happens to be funny, charismatic, charming, and somehow still modest after all of that.

I was going to write more about John Park, like how he's close to his parents, and how I could relate to his family's money struggles, but at this point, we're getting into stalker territory.

Speaking of stalkers, how about Kara's fawning all over that Casey James guy? Did anyone else find that embarrassing/uncomfortable to watch? Are we going to see it week after week, as Casey exposes more and more of his chest? I can't place my finger on who Casey reminds me of--Chad Kroeger, maybe, with a dash of someone else. Casey was all right, if a little boring. I honestly can't remember a second of his performance.

I really liked the "Chasing Cars" guy, Lee DeWyze. My favorite performance of the night. I also like Joe Munoz, because he reminds me of this guy who went to my college, whose last name is also Munoz.

Random shoutouts: Aaron Kelly, are you Jesse McCartney's brother from another mother? Todrick Hall, even though the judges hated your destruction of Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone," I liked it. Andrew Garcia, everybody favors you to win, but I'm already tired of you. One word: OVEREXPOSED.

Also, Tyler Grady, the '70s rocker guy, looks like my fiance's sister's fiancé. It's hilarious.

You know what's really sad? I can't stop thinking about Adam Lambert. Remember how his performance was the one to watch week after week? Because, like Lady Gaga, you never knew what he would do/sing/wear?

We don't have any Adam Lamberts this year. We have an Alex Lambert. Though I have no idea who that is.