Jersey Shore + Make It Or Break It = Last Night's CSI: Miami.

I am one of those people who forever remembers actors from one show, and when they move on to other shows, I still call them by their old characters' names. For example, Dexter's dad is now on FlashForward. Michael (from Sunset Beach) is now on Grey's Anatomy. Lorelai Gilmore is on Parenthood.

And last night, Emily Kmetko and Lauren Tanner from Make It Or Break It were both on CSI: Miami. Whoa! MIOBI is one of my favorite shows--it airs on ABC Family, and it follows a group of young gymnasts as they try to make it to the Olympics. Emily is the awkward girl who's new to the group. Lauren is the rich mean girl whose dad is dating Emily's mom. On CSI: Miami, Emily was the fat girl who got skinny and got revenge on three people who tortured her back in college. Lauren was one of the girls involved in an almost-three-way with one of the jerks who tortured Emily. It's a long story. In the end, Emily ended up sitting in a jail cell. It was very sad. Wait, no it's not. She still has a chance to go for Olympic gold!

I love, love, seeing actors pop up unexpectedly on other shows. This sounds crazy, but I see them as their old characters. A couple of episodes of FlashForward ago, MIOBI's gymnastics coach showed up and began threatening Lloyd Simcoe and that Simon guy. Coach Belov, what are you doing?? You're supposed to be training the girls to beat the Chinese!

The other great thing about last night's CSI: Miami was that it was JERSEY SHORE THEMED. Holy awesomeness! The jerky guy who got killed by Emily Kmetko liked to pull his shirt up and refer to himself as "The Program." And all the kids attended Jersey University.

CSI: Miami, I love you.

(Pictured: Emily Kmetko and Lauren Tanner on Make It Or Break It. One "Program" short of a threesome.)

The Best/Worst Idea Ever.

Allow me to gank from myself. That sounds dirty, but it's really not.

I am a regular blogger at www.8asians.com, and today I wrote a post about a casting call for an Asian-American version of Jersey Shore. Here is the post, in full. Enjoy!

And for those of you reading this blog who don't know what I look like, well, there ya go. A teeny thumbnail from three years ago.

Jersey Shore: Putting the Dirty in Jersey.

I don't claim to have high standards for TV. In fact, I am proud of the fact that I watch just about everything--quality shows, trashy shows, in-between shows. I watch stuff that nobody watches (Chuck) and stuff that everybody watches (American Idol).

My only standards are this: a) The pilot impresses me (Brothers & Sisters failed this test) and b) Tim Allen's not in it. That's really it. As long as the show passes both categories, I'm in.

With that said, I now confess: I have been watching Jersey Shore. And not hating it.

Don't get me wrong--not hating the show is competely different from not hating the people in it. The cast of Jersey Shore make Speidi look like Mensa candidates. Everyone is a stereotype of themselves, if that even makes sense. Also, their nicknames are ridiculous. The most laughable one is the one Mike calls himself. I won't even write it here, that's how dumb the nickname is.

Also, word to the wise (guess that would exclude this whole cast): It's not a nickname if you give it to yourself.

Annoying nicknames and obnoxious people aside, Jersey Shore is shamefully addictive. It's basically a documentary about trashy people who think they are not trashy at all. You cannot help but feel terrific about yourself after watching this (though you might feel the urge to shower). "At least I didn't get fired on my 2nd day on the job," you might think. Or, "At least I can peel garlic."

Call it Psychotherapy for the Couch Potato's Soul.

ABC: Conveyor Belt of Crap.

My dear readers, I wish I didn't have to write this entry.

Oh, who am I kidding?! I love to skewer crappy shows!

So get a load of this latest masterpiece from ABC. It's called Conveyor Belt of Love. First of all, the name. I'll give you a minute to process the fact that it is actually someone's job to sit there and come up with a name like that.

Second, the premise: Five women are given the "opportunity" (quotes used on purpose) to pick from 30 guys who go by them one by one on a conveyor belt. If a woman likes a guy, she can pull him aside and watch as more guys go by. If she likes another guy, she can tell the first guy to beat it. And on and on, until all 30 men have gone by. If two women like the same dude, he can turn around and pick which woman he wants.

That is the stupidest concept I've ever heard.

Sadly, it's more than a concept at this point. It's a REALITY. ABC is scheduling it to air after The Bachelor premiere on January 4. I already blogged about how boring the latest Bachelor selection is, so I won't go into that again. I just wanted to warn you about this load of turd so you can happily avoid it and instead, watch a higher quality show, like Jersey Shore.

Thankfully, this is a one-time-only special. However, if it performs well in the ratings, ABC will make it into a series. This must not happen. It musn't!