Survivor: Samoa: Who Saw That Coming?

I was so disappointed by last night's Survivor: Samoa outcome. And not just because Russell burned yet another perfectly good sock.

No, I'm disappointed because Natalie, of all people, took home the $1 million.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Natalie who?

That's right, the teeny blonde from Arkansas, whose name I didn't learn until last night, became the Sole Survivor. Don't ask me how that happened.

Actually, I was sort of rooting for her--at first. I just felt sorry for her being a tiny little thing amongst the three remaining men. Also, Natalie was not annoying--and by "not being annoying" I mean "entirely forgettable." So going into the jury Q&A, I was on Team Natalie. Especially with cocky Russell shooting his mouth off about how awesome he is and how he played everybody (true enough, but I didn't like hearing about it all night).

Then Russell gave his opening speech in front of the jury. He outlined everything he'd done this game, including manipulating every single person in the jury and finding hidden immunity idols without any clues. It was maybe a three-minute speech at most, but by the end of it, I was sold. "Russell," I thought, "it's yours. They'd be crazy not to give it to you."

Well, they were crazy.

After Eric's impassioned speech at the end, something about how Mick and Russell lied a lot while Natalie played an upstanding game and that that, he would give his vote to Natalie, it seemed a lot of the jury changed their mind. In the end, Russell got just two votes while Natalie got the rest of the votes (at least, the ones that were called).

Poor Russell! He played arguably the best game of Survivor ever, and he lost to a girl who didn't do anything the whole game except kill a rat, like, fifteen episodes ago. Russell deserved the win. America agreed--they voted him as player of the game.

I think Natalie will go down as the least-deserving Survivor winner in history. And I seriously, seriously doubt she will be asked to appear in the upcoming Survivor All Stars (aka Heroes vs. Villains). CBS, you'd better bring Evil Russell back for that one.

Survivor: Samoa: The Never-Ending Season.

I just counted.

There are still EIGHT contestants left on Survivor: Samoa.

This show's been on for 3 months.

Cheese Louise.

Also, I need to stop announcing who I'm rooting for. John the Rocket Scientist got voted off last night, in the 4th straight blindside of the season. There was so much strategizing last night, I have no idea how that happened. Guess they blindsided me too.

Last night's episode featured one of my favorite segments--the food/luxury auction. Every season, Jeff does the auction. Every season, about half the contestants just sit there and don't bid on anything. Before long, the auction ends and they come away with nothing. I don't get it. Why WOULDN'T you jump all over every item as soon as it comes up? That blonde who dropped $200 on a pb&j last night? Far as I'm concerned, she's the smartest one of the bunch. (Yeah, I still don't know her name.)

My other favorite feature of Survivor is the family reunions/letters/video messages from home. I cry every single time they do it. I'm tearing up right now remembering whatshisface proposing to whatsherface that one season. Sigh. I'm hoping it comes up soon.

Survivor's finale is set for Sunday, Dec. 20. Will Russell ever use his idol? Will Shambo ever stop talking to those chickens? Will I ever learn everybody's names? Stay tuned!

Survivor: Samoa: Just Declare Russell the Winner Already.

I wasn't before, but I'm cheering for you now, Russell.

When you found your first hidden immunity idol without help of a clue, I thought, pretty ingenious.

When you found the idol AGAIN with no help, I thought, wow.

When you found it a third time, AFTER half your tribe got to see video of the idol being hidden, and AFTER you were chased through the jungle because everyone knew you'd sniff it out, I thought, you know what? You deserve the million dollars.

I don't give a flying crap how you played the game dirty, burning someone's sock while they slept or letting a chicken loose in the middle of the night. I don't care that you lied about being in Hurricane Katrina (morally repugnant that may be). I don't even care that I want to have John the Rocket Scientist's babies. But you, you have done what no one else in the history of Survivor has done, and you have done it twice.

Hats off to you.

Survivor: Samoa: Who Are All These People?

Well, that was a disappointing Survivor.

I really liked Liz. I really liked Jaison. But Liz got voted out, and Jaison, arguably the fittest of the bunch, got "tired" right in the middle of a challenge and phoned the rest of it in. Lame!

I also like the rocket scientist. I forget his name. But now that my two favorites are gone (one physically, one mentally), he's all I have to hang on to.

Speaking of the rocket scientist, is anyone else finding a hard time keeping track of all the contestants? I could pick Shambo and Evil Russell out of a lineup. But the rest of the cast? They could be sitting right next to me, wearing their tribe buffs, plus name tags, and I still wouldn't know who they were.

I'm looking at a cast photo right now, and there remain (besides Shambo and Russell):

-Two blonde girls. I think one of them is named Courtney.
-Two handsome dark-haired guys, one of whom looks like Eli Manning (at least in the photo).
-A guy w/ a receding hairline who keeps his hair cropped short.
-A guy w/ shaggy long brown hair. Where did he come from?! I don't remember him AT ALL. Did he get voted out/injured and I didn't know it?
-Two dark haired girls. One of them is Laura (as I discovered only last night).
-Wait. I found a third handsome dark-haired guy.

Not that this season is boring or unmemorable. It seems Survivor can either be all about the contestants or all about the game. This season, it's all about the game. How lopsided it is with Galu stomping all over Foa Foa. How dangerous Samoa is that two men would get so ill, medical takes them out of the game before the season's even half over. How miserably cold and rainy it is for days on end. Yeah, let's not ever have another Survivor in Samoa.

Oh, wait. Next season (the 20th) is reportedly taking place in Samoa too, with an all-star cast. Well, never mind, then.

Survivor: Samoa: Victory Goes to Foa Foa...and a Chicken

On last night's Survivor: Samoa, the hapless, heretofore winless tribe Foa Foa finally won an immunity competition!

I am so happy for the yellow team. Prior to their win, the tribes had been so mismatched that Galu had to sit out FOUR members of their team for the reward challenge earlier in the episode.

That reward challenge, by the way, was won by Galu. The prize: a couple of chickens. Shambo, who fancied herself a chicken whisperer by virtue of having lived on a farm, went over to make friends with the chickens, and one of them escaped and flew into a tree. Shambo's excuse: "I didn't know those chickens could fly."

And in case you wondered, nobody got the chicken down. As far as we know, she's living the high life (so to speak). Provided the recent tsunami didn't kill it. Go chicken!

Hey, Ben. Kool-Aid and Ketchup Sandwiches Don’t Really Go Together.

Last night’s Survivor: Samoa showed two never-before-dunnits in the show’s 19-season history.

The first was smarmy Russell finding the immunity idol without any clues. He wanted to find it, he went around and looked up a tree, and BAM, there it was. Son of a gun. How many times have contestants been sent to Exile Island, over and over, and given 10,000 clues, and still not find it? Love or hate him, you gotta have a little admiration for Russell.

The second was a person--Ben--actually getting kicked out of a competition. I can see why he was pissed. The game called for everyone to kill each other whilst throwing a football through a net. There was a lot of kicking, punching, shoving, wrestling, etc. You name it, and it happened on that muddy field, much to the happiness of the male viewers at home, including my fiancé. Now, for some crazy reason, Jeff Probst decided there was too much violence (hello! This is football! Sort of) and said the next person who took a cheap shot would get booted. 0.000021 seconds later, Ben got booted.

That wasn’t the exciting part, though you wouldn’t know it from the big hoo-ha Jeff made about “the first time in the history of Survivor” and all that. It wasn’t like Ben won eight Olympic gold medals. He just kicked a guy on a reality show. The exciting part was when the purple team won and they got to have one of their tribemates check out the other camp. Yasmin was chosen to go over, and she started things off just right by insulting the yellow team for being total losers. Then she called Ben out for a little chat. Apparently, Ben had pushed her at some point in the competition, and she wanted him to apologize. He refused. So she told him he was a wuss for pushing a girl. Ben’s response, to Russell: She’s “ghetto trash” and needs to go back home and eat ketchup sandwiches and drink Kool-Aid. Oh no, that’s not racist at all, Ben. Jerk.

Response To FlashForward

Hello FlashForward,

Thank you for leaving a comment. You are my first and only commenter, and that makes you special. I am wondering if you are from the ABC network, or if you're just a huge fan of the show (which hasn't aired yet, hmm).

Anywhosers, I will respectfully decline watching the first 18 minutes of the show before it premieres, and this is to your benefit. Why? If I watch the first 18 minutes, and I hate it, guess what I'm going to do? Not watch the rest of the episode when it premieres this Thursday. Now usually, when I'm watching a new series on TV and the first episode sorta sucks but sorta doesn't (see upcoming post on The Vampire Diaries), I will generally stick around and watch the second episode. Because I'm generous like that. You, FlashForward, are probably hoping this happens with your show. Who knows? It just might.

By the way, don't worry if your ratings are in the toilet on premiere night. Chances are, everybody's watching Survivor: Samoa anyway, because that show is just that good this season with the evil Russell. I would be patient and see how FlashForward does come Monday, when everyone who DVR'd it has seen it.

Peace!