Spinoff City.

CBS is prepping a spinoff to its hit series Criminal Minds. I have not seen a single episode of this show, but it does quite well on Wednesday nights. What's interesting about the spinoff is the network is wooing Forest Whitaker to star in it.

Yes, that's right, CBS of all networks is paving the way to a more diverse television landscape! Who'd have thunk it?

The other thing worth noting about the Criminal Minds spinoff is well, just that. It's a spinoff. CBS has three CSIs, two NCISes (which spun off of JAG), and now we're talking a third franchise. I don't hate on spinoffs the way other people do--after all, without spinoffs, we would not have Melrose Place (either incarnation), Private Practice, and The Colbert Report. We would not have The Hills or The City. We would not have Degrassi: The Next Generation (yes, I watch that, and no, I'm not ashamed of it).

So yeah, spinoffs are cool with me. It's just that I wish they'd spin off shows I watch more. Or, instead of canceling a show I like, they'd spin off one of the characters. Example: Lane from Gilmore Girls. She was the coolest character on the show (much cooler than dippy Rory) and I've always wanted to know what happened to her. Did she become a famous musician and go on tour? Is she still with that Zach dude? How are her babies? And how's her crazy mom?

Another good reason to love spinoffs: They take the place of craptastic new shows. Instead of The Deep End, ABC could've given us an Ugly Betty spinoff. Instead of Human Target (twenty minutes of my life I'll never get back), Fox could've given us a Glee spinoff to hold us over until April. You get my drift.

Will I be watching the Criminal Minds spinoff when the backdoor pilot airs this spring? Nope. But for every CBS spinoff there is on TV, that's one less Three Rivers. And we can all be grateful for that.

NCIS: I Came, I Saw, I'm Going to Pass

A reader named velvet74 was kind enough to respond to my query: Who watches NCIS?

She (I'm assuming it's a she) said that among other things, she watches NCIS because the team feels like a family, and because of the many funny moments in the show. Intrigued, I asked her to recommend an episode or two to start with. She recommended two episodes, both of which she said were representative of the series.

I'll be honest--I was pretty excited to see what this show was all about. This crazy show that snags 17 million viewers with a rerun.

Ultimately, I did not like the show enough to continue watching. It had its positives, and I could definitely see the family appeal. Also, Mark Harmon is pretty hot for someone my dad's age. But alas, it was just "too" a lot of things:

1. Too light. velvet74 said this show was not your typical criminal procedural, but even so, I expected it to stick to the crime du jour more. At several points, I completely forgot what the plot was supposed to be. Who died? Who's that girl? What does the license plate have to do with anything? Now granted, I ask these same questions watching my beloved CSI: Miami and Law & Order: SVU, which have more twists than a TCBY pretzel. But with Miami and SVU, at least it's 40 minutes of crime and 2 minutes of everything else (characters' relationships, etc.). When I watch a crime drama, I expect it to feature crime. Prominently. With NCIS, the crime took a backstory to the characters.

2. Too much immature behavior. Coincidentally, both episodes I saw featured Abby dressing up in something other than her usual Goth getup. Both episodes featured McGee and Tony staring appreciatively at her body. Over and over. While she was rattling off theories and putting together clues. It made me uncomfortable. And worried for our nation's security.

3. Too white. One episode I watched was from 3 seasons ago, the other from 4 seasons ago. Fairly recent. I Wikipedia'd this show and saw that a black actor, Rocky Carroll, is now part of the main cast. Woot. But NCIS still needs more diversity.

Now for the things I liked about the show:

1. The theme song. It kicks butt. I watched it all the way through both times and got annoyed at my fiance when he started talking in the middle of it. The only thing I would say is the theme song misrepresents the show. NCIS's theme song suggests the show sizzles with action. Bombs. Guns. Fires. Karate kicks. Man, I hate when a theme song lies to me about the show.

2. The cast. I liked each of the characters individually (though I could've done without all the antics). I can see how people who have watched this show for 7 seasons would fall in love with the characters and all their quirks and backstories, and why they would even watch the reruns. It's like your crazy lovable uncle telling that same story at every Christmas dinner. Somehow, it never gets old. And did I mention Mark Harmon is hot?

I really wanted to like this show. I love when everyone and their mother says "Watch this show, watch it, watch it" and I'm like "Okay, but no promises" and then WHAMMO I get socked in the face by the realization that I really, really like it. I also wanted to get into a show that doesn't face the cancellation jury at the end of every season (I'm looking at you, Chuck, and you too, Ugly Betty). Wouldn't it be great to start liking a show that would definitely be around for a while?

If there is nothing else to watch and I know it's on, I may watch it. That's about it. Sadly, NCIS just isn't for me. But I thank you, velvet74, for your valiant effort!

NCIS: Who's Watching This Show? No, Really. Who?

There's this show on CBS called NCIS. You might've heard of it. No?

Well, 17 million people watched a rerun of it last night. A rerun. Seventeen million viewers.

To put it in perspective, the show EVERYBODY talks about, Glee, pulls in only about 8 million. With original episodes.

I don't get it. Who's watching NCIS?

I'll tell you who's not watching. 1) Me. 2) Everybody I know. 3) Everybody they know. 4) And everybody they know.

But somewhere out there in the good ole U.S. of A, there are 17 million people who passed up new episodes of So You Think You Can Dance and The Biggest Loser to watch an old episode about navy people solving crimes.

The star of NCIS is a guy named Mark Harmon. You may know him as that guy in that movie, you know, the one w/ that woman. Mark Harmon. Everybody knows him. Right?

There is also a couple on the show whose names mash together to form Tiva. Like Brangelina, but more succinct. I don't know Tiva's actual names. I just know Tiva sounds like Tivo. Did you know Tivo sends you cookies when you sign up?

Where was I going with this entry? Oh, right. NCIS, the show nobody talks about, regularly delivers 20 million viewers with new episodes. So a rerun took in 85% of the audience a BRAND NEW EPISODE delivers.

Grey's Anatomy would kill for that kind of audience loyalty. I've never watched a Grey's rerun in my life. I see one second of a familiar scene, and I'm diving for the remote.

Has anybody out there watched NCIS? If so, I would like to interview you and ask you all about this show. Why is it so great? Why would you watch it twice? What else has Mark Harmon been in?