Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The City: Let's Pretend Erin Never Existed.

I hate when shows do this. They drop a character and pretend like that person never existed in the first place. Or they have an episode that doesn't include one of the main characters, and they don't address that person's absence.

CSI: Miami did it this week with Delko. (Look, I know he's in the hospital, but the least they could've done was have Calleigh call him up and be like, "Sorry again for shooting you. Want me to sneak you some Mickey D's?") And The Hills did it last night (see previous entry).

Now Whitney's friend Erin from season 1, who let her crash at her apartment and make things awkward for her and her boyfriend, is gone from the show. Reports are Erin had a falling-out with Whitney and decided to leave the show to focus on her career. Okay, but how hard would it be for Whitney to call up one of her girlfriends and have this conversation (it doesn't matter that the falling-out happened months ago--remember, these shows are all scripted anyway):

Whitney: I had a fight with Erin. I'm not hanging out with her anymore.

Friend: Aw.

Whitney: Yeah. Want to go to Pinkberry?

In any case, even with the absence of Erin, this episode was really good! Olivia, who no longer works with Whitney, scored an interview with Elle magazine. The guy who interviews her, Joe Zee, seems like he'd be really cool to work with. He's such a nice guy, he chooses to ignore Olivia's frosty, I'm-too-cool-for-people vibe and offers her a job. Then he brings in a blonde he works with to introduce her to Olivia. I forget the blonde's name. She instantly takes a disliking to Olivia. That makes her A-OK in my book. She gives Olivia an assignment, which involves putting together one outfit for $25 and one outfit for $75. Olivia ignores her instructions and gets the assignment partly wrong. Blonde says, You did this wrong. Olivia says, I don't have to listen to you. Blonde says, I've never been talked back to like this. Olivia says, Whatever, and walks out.

Meanwhile, the poor intern who's been in the room the whole time looks like she regrets moving to the Big Apple.

Then there's Roxy Olin. She's Whitney's old friend from high school and, apparently, a younger version of Kelly Cutrone. Color me shocked that Kelly hires Roxy for a job. Roxy appears to lead a very charmed life. I mean, I don't know that I could move to a big city where some girl I knew from high school would let me crash at her gorgeous high-rise apartment and score me a job for which I was not qualified. Wow. Maybe she should buy some lottery tickets, too.

As you can see, So there's enough trashy-fake-OMGdidshereallysaythat goodness to keep tuning in this season. Erin, Schmerin!

The Hills: Faker Than Audrina Patridge's Hair Color.

Some of you may have read that LA Times article. You know, the one in which Kristin Cavallari blatantly says MTV tells her what to say, what do, and that she doesn't give a flying crap about saying yes because it's just TV. Here's a direct quote:

"Everyone is trying to get story lines and create drama in their lives. It's just so... fake. There's no truth to it. At all."

Well, with that in mind, let's break down the implausible moments on last night's premiere of The Hills:

-The fight between Kristin, Audrina, and Stephanie. Lots of screaming out of nowhere. Kristin and Audrina trying to hide their smiles. Yep, fake.

-Spencer Pratt: "It's my way or the lame way." No human being, with the exception of Kanye, could possibly be this annoying in real life. Spencer clearly hams it up for the cameras, while Heidi plays along as admonishing but adoring wife. Fake.

-Lauren Conrad no longer being part of their lives. Fake, fake, fake. The girl was central to all the other Hills people--girlfriend of Brody, friend of Frankie, BFF of Lo, friend of Stephanie, rival of Kristin, etc. How come LC wasn't at any of the parties? Or if she was, why wasn't she sitting near her BFFs?

Oh like it matters how fake this show is. I'm still addicted to it. And I bet you are too.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

CSI: Miami Just Got Hotter...

First off, a big thank-you to the Anonymous commenter who wrote that Kent Avenido, aka Howard Bamboo from Glee, is a Kentucky-born Filipino. Anonymous, consider yourself having educated the masses!

Last night on CSI: Miami, which started off explosively (literally), Eddie Cibrian took his shirt off. You can take a moment to savor that.

And what a great episode! There were a couple of very "Horatio" moments. Like when the hostage-taker demanded to speak to Horatio in ten seconds or else he'd shoot one of the hostages:

Hostage-taker (getting pissed): "Five...four...three...two..."

Horatio (calmly): "This is Horatio."

Then there was the part where Horatio decided to go in and speak with the hostage. He came in slowly wearing a SWAT vest and had both arms raised over his head. And guess what he had in his hand? HIS SUNGLASSES. Love. It.

Sadly, I didn't miss Delko at all. Didn't even notice he was absent until the very end, when the team got together for after-work drinks. My prediction: Eddie Cibrian will start dating Calleigh and Natalia will be jealous. I know this already happened w/ Delko, but whatever. Eddie Cibrian is hot enough to gank someone else's storyline.

Monday, September 28, 2009

The Amazing Race: Wasabi Bombs and Lying Poker Players (How Redundant!)

Ah, the return of Phil. There is no better way to end the weekend than a two-hour Amazing Race. There really isn't.

Alas, we were also treated to the obnoxious duo known as Maria and Tiffany, the professional poker players who made up a story about helping homeless kids for a living. Look, you can lie on Survivor. Big Brother. In fact, you're kind of expected to lie on those shows. But don't you dare taint TAR with your poorly crafted, easily exposed sob stories! UGH.

Best part of the episode was watching the teams corral the ducks around. I have no idea how Zev managed to do it (other than NOT SCREAM AT THE DUCKS), but it was great watching him. O Duck Whisperer, I hope you and your partner make it all the way to the end.

One thing I dislike every season is when they have challenges at places that don't open until the next morning. Then all the teams catch up and the ones who hustled to get there first have done so for naught. I know the show does this to keep the race fairly tight, but it's gotta be disappointing for those teams last night who chipped in money to bribe the bus driver to leave early. What a waste of money!

Speaking of disappointment-how bummed would you be to make it all the way to the show, only to be stuck in LA while all the other teams fly off to Japan? The yoga team had to say their goodbyes to Phil at (I looked it up because I forgot) the Los Angeles River Basin. The least the show could've done was broken their hearts someplace besides Graffiti Alley. Yeesh!

My FlashForward Verdict: I Like It. I Really, Really Like It!

First of all, I want to say: Holy way to end an episode, Batman!

Let's rewind. There were many things to like about this show (at least, the pilot). First and foremost, John Cho kicking butt. I loved seeing him as a tough FBI agent. I loved his acting-when he revealed that he did not see a vision, the devastation was evident on his face. But then he put his own fate (or lack thereof) aside to help with the mission. John Cho, you should be leading this cast, not supporting it.

The different visions are all interesting. There's a guy whose wife died in Afghanistan who saw his wife alive in his vision. The lead character's wife, Olivia, saw herself with another man (who we find out is the father of one of her patients). One guy saw himself at a meeting with another woman, so he called her up, and sure enough, she had a vision of the meeting, too. Very cool concept. I've always wondered if, when I dream about people, they dream the same dream about me, too.

Something funny I saw-one of the buses in the background had a Desperate Housewives ad along the side. Oh, ABC, you so devious!

Also, Charlie's babysitter was none other than Don Draper's former assistant and Roger Sterling's wife on Mad Men.

At the end of the episode, one of the FBI women has found something incredible in the footage she's been perusing of the blackouts around the world. At a Detroit Tigers' baseball game, while the whole stadium is conked out, a lone person wearing all black is creeping through the crowd. I nearly fell off my seat when I saw that. And in that moment, I knew that I'd be watching this show next week, and the week after. I. Was. Hooked.

ABC, you might just have yourself a new hit drama.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

One Tree Hill: Out With the Blonds, In With Robert Buckley

I just got caught up with the current season of One Tree Hill, a show I've been watching since its inception. Initially, I thought it was too "Southern" for me. I couldn't relate to it at all. But as shows are wont to do, OTH grew on me, and now I can't imagine a TV season without it.

There were many changes this season, most notably that Peyton and Lucas are gone. I didn't think the producers could pull off a show without them. Almost every storyline revolved around Peyton and Lucas, Lucas and Peyton. But now I know the show can be done sans the blonds. Yes, I will miss Peyton and her big emotional heart. I will even miss Lucas's squinty eyes and his voiceovers. But eh, life moves on.

I'm really liking the two new additions to this revamped OTH: Robert Buckley, and the redhead who plays Haley's sister Quinn. Quinn is like the outspoken version of Haley, with 10x the baggage. Robert Buckley plays Nathan's sports agent, who defies his profession's stereotypes--I thought he'd be a smarmy liar...but instead, I really like him. Mostly because he looks like Scott Speedman, but I like him for being a nice guy too.

The second episode of OTH broke my heart. Fans of Naley (that's Nathan + Haley to non-watchers) have known from practically the first episode that those two belong together, and Nathan will always be faithful to Haley. Because he's just a good, decent person. Well, knock me over with a feather because some trashy girl has come forward and said that Nathan slept with her after winning a big basketball game. And she has the sonogram to prove it. Agggggghhhhh. I really really want to believe that she's lying and it'll turn out the sonogram is fake or it's really someone else's kid. Or some other crazy sh*t because OTH has been know to pull quite a few things out of its you-know-where. But there is that one teeeeeny part of me that is brokenhearted to think that it might be true. That Nathan really did cheat on Haley. In which case, my world has been turned inside-out. Up is down. Down is up. The boogeyman exists. Brothers will not be canceled.

Say it ain't so, Nathan. Don't you break my (and Haley's) heart like that!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Breaking News! The Beautiful Life Canceled!

To no one's surprise, the Mischa Barton disaster known as The Beautiful Life: TBL became the first new show to be canceled this season. It only aired for two episodes, the first one of which had 1.5 million viewers and the last of which had 1 million viewers. I know. You're shocked. One million people watched this show after the premiere?

The CW has a couple of shows waiting in the wings. Both are reality shows--one called Fly Girls, about flight attendants on Virgin America, and one about the NYC socialite Tinsley Mortimer. But you know what I'm really hoping for? Beauty and the Geek. Seriously--bring that show back!

Friday, September 25, 2009

TV Tidbits: Grey’s Anatomy, Cougar Town

-On last night’s two-hour depressing Grey’s Anatomy premiere, a comatose George O’Malley got more screen time than he did all last season. Yep, I’m still bitter they decided to keep Katherine Heigl and kill off George. George was the Everyman of the show, the heart of the whole series. I like Izzie too, but every time she comes on screen I see her as Katherine Heigl biting every hand that feeds her. And then I stop liking Izzie. By the way, how does everybody at Seattle-Grace know what ceviche is and I’ve never even heard of it? Am I crazy? Probably.

-I finally gave in and watched five minutes of Cougar Town on YouTube. It got such strong ratings and reviews, so why not? Five minutes = 25% of the show. And enough for me to know that it’s still. not. funny. I liked the part where the old guy could hear Courteney Cox, but that was it. The whole show seems to be Courteney Cox’s character, Jules Cobb, lamenting her age and trying to fit in a world where everybody is 20something. If the show was about a frumpy-looking woman with a dead-end job living in a crappy apartment, I’d watch. But being attractive, affluent, successful in her career, Jules Cobb’s struggles is like a supermodel saying, “I didn’t always look like this, when I was a teenager everybody told me I was an ugly loser.” Yeah. Whatever.

Hey, Ben. Kool-Aid and Ketchup Sandwiches Don’t Really Go Together.

Last night’s Survivor: Samoa showed two never-before-dunnits in the show’s 19-season history.

The first was smarmy Russell finding the immunity idol without any clues. He wanted to find it, he went around and looked up a tree, and BAM, there it was. Son of a gun. How many times have contestants been sent to Exile Island, over and over, and given 10,000 clues, and still not find it? Love or hate him, you gotta have a little admiration for Russell.

The second was a person--Ben--actually getting kicked out of a competition. I can see why he was pissed. The game called for everyone to kill each other whilst throwing a football through a net. There was a lot of kicking, punching, shoving, wrestling, etc. You name it, and it happened on that muddy field, much to the happiness of the male viewers at home, including my fiancé. Now, for some crazy reason, Jeff Probst decided there was too much violence (hello! This is football! Sort of) and said the next person who took a cheap shot would get booted. 0.000021 seconds later, Ben got booted.

That wasn’t the exciting part, though you wouldn’t know it from the big hoo-ha Jeff made about “the first time in the history of Survivor” and all that. It wasn’t like Ben won eight Olympic gold medals. He just kicked a guy on a reality show. The exciting part was when the purple team won and they got to have one of their tribemates check out the other camp. Yasmin was chosen to go over, and she started things off just right by insulting the yellow team for being total losers. Then she called Ben out for a little chat. Apparently, Ben had pushed her at some point in the competition, and she wanted him to apologize. He refused. So she told him he was a wuss for pushing a girl. Ben’s response, to Russell: She’s “ghetto trash” and needs to go back home and eat ketchup sandwiches and drink Kool-Aid. Oh no, that’s not racist at all, Ben. Jerk.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

All the Single Ladies! And the Gay Men!

Last night's episode of Glee was my favorite so far. This show just gets better and better. No, there weren't many musical numbers (normally my favorite segments), but the one featured was the highlight of the whole dang show. And it was...

...the football dance number. Holy, holy crap. I couldn’t stop smiling through the whole thing. I didn’t even care that it was ENTIRELY UNBELIEVABLE that a delay of game wasn’t called and the football player managed to run across the field to the end zone in one second. Okay, I care a little.

Other things I loved about the episode:
-Kurt’s dad accepting him as gay. A sweet, touching moment. By the way, did anyone else think his dad was Sam the Plow Guy from Men in Trees? Anyone?
-Sue's Corner. Principal Figgins and his random stocking commercial.
-This line: “My body is like a rum chocolate soufflé. If I don’t warm it up right, it doesn’t rise.”

What I didn’t love:
-Terri wanting Quinn’s baby? Creepy and implausible. By the way, hasn’t Will touched his wife at ALL in the last month? How can he not know she has a pad on her belly?
-Lea Michele. Lea, when did you become such a brat? Yes, you sang Taking Chances 1000x better than Celine Dion. Yes, you’re more talented than Tina C. But you went from the underdog we rooted for to the selfish diva we're starting to hate. Glee, you had better find a way for Lea to redeem herself. I’m not kidding!
-Speaking of…Tina C. was totally upstaged in every scene she was in (thanks, Diva Lea!). Yes, she got to sing by herself for about 30 (sorta painful) seconds, but we didn’t get to see her shine. She has the personality of a doormat, and her only known characteristic is she stutters. I really hope she gets a better storyline, though not at the expense of Kurt. I love Kurt.

By the way, Kanye called me in the middle of writing this blog to say Beyonce’s dancing was better than Kurt’s.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mad Men: There Goes My Foot

So I'm watching Sunday's episode of Mad Men, thinking this is another one of those calm, borderline boring episodes. Joan is leaving Sterling Cooper, and the office ladies have thrown her a small party and bought a nice sheet cake. The men are standing around drinking champagne and talking about the PPO merger. One of the guys rides in on his new Deere lawn mower (Deere is his new client). Peggy is thanking Joan for her advice. Everyone's just shooting the breeze.

Then one of the women decides to get on the lawn mower. It becomes quickly apparent that she has no idea what she's doing. The mower zips all over the office, and people dive out of the way while others continue chatting. Next thing we know, a spray of brownish-red liquid shoots through the air and lands on three people, the lawn mower has crashed through one of the office doors, taking the walls down with it, and a guy is lying on the floor screaming bloody agony.

The lawn mower has shredded his foot.

Well, that's one way to wake us up. Thanks, Mad Men!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

CSI: Miami: Sunset Beach Redux. Plus: Glee Gets Picked Up!

Before I get started on last night’s premiere of CSI: Miami, I have good news: Glee has just been picked up for the full season! It’s a great sign this show is here to stay—so keep watching, folks!

On to CSI: Miami. Last night, we went back in time to 1997, when Horatio didn’t have sunglasses, Delko was a tow truck driver, Calleigh was extra smiley, Speedle was still alive, Natalia was at some other lab, and Frank Tripp had hair. It was also nice to see Alexx with the two x’s, and Ryan Wolfe, too. Man, I’ve missed this gang. It has been one long summer without them.

The episode jumped back and forth between past and present. In the present, Delko is in a coma after Calleigh shot him in the head by mistake. In the past, Delko is alive and helping Horatio solve a murder. It was, by the way, the easiest case in the world. There were only two suspects, the handsome, estranged husband (played by the guy who played Michael on Sunset Beach—more on that later) and the weirdo, pervy-looking gardener. Guess who the perp was.

One of the highlights of the episode was Eddie Cibrian. I’ll let you take a moment to enjoy that. Eddie Cibrian. Eddie Cibrian. There he was, looking just as handsome as he did when he starred in my favorite canceled soap, Sunset Beach, as Cole Deschanel the jewel thief. I swear the guy has not aged in the TEN YEARS since SB was canceled. It’s just not fair. How funny it is that he and Michael got to do this episode together.

Another great moment, one that would only happen on this crazy show, is how they nabbed the perp. Horatio checks out the gardener’s shirt, his hair, etc. for blood. He finds nothing. Gardener smirks. Then Horatio goes wait a second, and someone gives him a swab and Horatio sticks it up the guy’s nose because apparently a teeny drop of the murder victim’s blood HAD LANDED ON ONE OF HIS NOSTRIL HAIRS. How can you not love this show?

At the end of the episode, the whole gang was gathered around Delko at the hospital, waiting for him to open his eyes. And when he did, I cried. This show gets to me. Every time.

And guess what? Cole, I mean Eddie Cibrian, is now a regular on this show. Meanwhile, Delko is on his way out. You’ll see him next on Ugly Betty playing Hilda’s ex. And I just realized. Eddie Cibrian was ALSO on Ugly Betty as Hilda’s boyfriend. Whoaaa Nelly!

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Primetime Emmys: My Favorite Winners

Along with 291 million Americans, I did not watch the Primetime Emmys Sunday night. As funny as Neil Patrick Harris is, I’m not much for watching Hollywood congratulate itself on a job well done. I’m all for recognizing hard work and talent, but why don’t these people just give themselves the awards via a Facebook vote-off and send out a press release?

In any case, here are the three winners I am happy for, because I love these shows and winning is a sure sign they will not be canceled anytime soon (with the exception of #3):

Mad Men, for best drama and best writing for a drama series. Yes, that “writing” includes racist comments. And sexist jokes. And blackface. But this show is terrifically understated, with impeccable acting and a gorgeous, authentic look—you really feel like you’re in the 1960s, smoking like a chimney and wearing a garter.

The Amazing Race, for best reality/competition. This makes TAR’s 7th win in a row. Survivor host Jeff Probst said, “Maybe ‘Amazing Race’ should do what Oprah did and pull itself out of competition.” I don’t think he was joking. Probst, calm down. You won for best reality host. Anyway, would you really want your show to win because the BEST SHOW ON TV withdrew from the ballot? You would? Oh. Okay.

Kristin Chenoweth, for best supporting actress in a comedy, Pushing Daisies (R.I.P.). Pushing Daisies was canceled too soon. Fortunately, Kristin’ll be appearing on Glee this fall. I am SUPER EXCITED for that. Kristin needs to be on every show on TV.

To everybody else who won, congratulations. Little Dorrit, I never heard of you, but you put PBS on the map. The Daily Show, I watch you every day, but still prefer The Colbert Report. 30 Rock, I never watched a single episode of you, but maybe I should start. Are you casting Kristin Chenoweth anytime soon?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Vampire Diaries: Thumb Sideways. The Beautiful Life: TBZzzzzzzz

Three posts in one night? Did somebody watch too much TV this weekend? I think yes.

I tried two new series tonight, The Vampire Diaries and The Beautiful Life: TBL. One sucked, and the other one was The Beautiful Life. Haha. Get it?

Now since TVD (I'd rather not call it just VD) premiered ten days ago, I had two episodes to watch. The premiere was eh. But it had a kickin' soundtrack, and there was just something about the characters, particularly Elena (Nina Dobrev from Degrassi, holla) and the creepy yet cute stalker vampire, and Stefan (the young soldier from Army Wives who tried to hook up with Claudia Joy's teenage daughter). I didn't care much for Ian Somerhalder, who looks about 40 years old. Nor did I care for Elena's druggie brother (what a cliche), or their aunt, who by the way looks exactly like the brother's ex-girlfriend. Um, casting? Yeah--diversity needed. PRONTO. The show didn't blow me away, and I had another episode in the can, so I watched it, and by the end, I started to like the show a little more. No, it's not appointment television, but it's worth downloading for a rainy day.

The Beautiful Life. Twenty minutes in, and I wanted to strangle myself. The characters were UNINTERESTING. Also, I could not understand a word they were saying, partly because several of them spoke with a vague British accent. And I couldn't keep track of everyone's connection to everyone else. And Mischa Barton annoyed me. (By the way, why is she so angsty in every show she's on?) And I couldn't get over that poor Corbin Bleu from High School Musical. He had the worst storyline of everybody. He had the dream job of being a DJ or something, and he hooked up with some older lady who ran an agency or something. Zzzzz. At the end of the episode, the blonde made a corny joke about how the new model guy had to sleep in her room. "Where?" "On the floor." The end. But thanks, TBL, for freeing up my Wednesdays to watch Glee. Yay!

Response To FlashForward

Hello FlashForward,

Thank you for leaving a comment. You are my first and only commenter, and that makes you special. I am wondering if you are from the ABC network, or if you're just a huge fan of the show (which hasn't aired yet, hmm).

Anywhosers, I will respectfully decline watching the first 18 minutes of the show before it premieres, and this is to your benefit. Why? If I watch the first 18 minutes, and I hate it, guess what I'm going to do? Not watch the rest of the episode when it premieres this Thursday. Now usually, when I'm watching a new series on TV and the first episode sorta sucks but sorta doesn't (see upcoming post on The Vampire Diaries), I will generally stick around and watch the second episode. Because I'm generous like that. You, FlashForward, are probably hoping this happens with your show. Who knows? It just might.

By the way, don't worry if your ratings are in the toilet on premiere night. Chances are, everybody's watching Survivor: Samoa anyway, because that show is just that good this season with the evil Russell. I would be patient and see how FlashForward does come Monday, when everyone who DVR'd it has seen it.


America's Next Top Model: Smize With Your Lazy Eye

This season's America's Next Top Model features all short girls for the first time in 13 cycles. By short they mean anyone under 5'7". This makes me cry, for if 5'6" is considered short, well just call me Lilliputian.

In the last episode of ANTM, Tyra introduced a word that I cannot take seriously, and neither could Miss J, judging by the look on her face when Tyra explained what it meant. That word is "smize," and it means "smile with your eyes." I'm all about smiling with your eyes, but please don't shorten it like that.

The girls more or less mastered this concept. However, one girl, Jennifer, struggled because she has a LAZY EYE. I felt terrible for her. A lazy eye does whatever it wants and you pretty much have to deal with it. It's not fair then, to expect Jennifer to smize. In fact, if smizing were so important to this season, why did you even pick her to be on the show? Oh right, token Asian.

Now I know, other girls have had obstacles to overcome. That girl who was blind, for instance. And the girl with the horrendous teeth. But...I don't remember them asking the blind girl to smize. And they fixed the girl's teeth. So my plea to you, ANTM, is please either give Jennifer some quick-o surgery to fix her lazy eye, or stop asking her to smize. In fact, let's stop using the word smize altogether, because Noah Webster is rolling over in his grave.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The FlashForward Compromise

Dear FlashForward,

I want to like you, I do.

You have a great premise: The whole world blacks out for two minutes, during which time everyone has a brief vision of their future. You pose a terrific, philosophical question: What would you do if you knew what your future was? Would you work toward it, knowing it was inevitable? Or try to change it? Okay, that's three questions.

You have a pretty great cast. And by pretty great cast I mean the hot, talented and funny John Cho, who is finally getting a big role in primetime TV. IMDB says he was in Ugly Betty, but alas, I don't remember him there at all.

The thing is, FlashForward, I don't know if I want the commitment.

You see, about five years ago, a little show called Lost came along, and I fell in love with it. Two years later, I broke up with it. Too many new characters, plotlines, mysteries. My head exploded, and I had enough.

Same thing happened with House. Prison Break. Heroes. Shows that all started out with a simple, brilliant concept that quickly evolved into too-big commitments and too many new characters I didn't care about.

So FlashForward, how about a compromise? How about we take this one episode at a time? If, at any point, I stop liking you, I can stop downloading you (because, of course, I'll be watching Survivor: Samoa). A clean break. No guilt. So? How 'bout it?

A TV fan

P.S. If you had cast John Cho in the lead, I wouldn't have had to write this letter. I'm just saying.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Polynesian, Schmolynesian

The following conversation took place during tonight's episode of Glee.

Fiance: ...the Polyponesian guy.
Me: mean Polynesian?
Fiance: Yeah, Polynesian.
Me: How on earth did you get Polyponesian?
Fiance: I don't know. Oh I must've gotten it mixed up with this book I saw. It was about the Polyponesian War.
Me: Uh huh.
Fiance: Now where was it...? (starts digging through the piles of books on the floor) I was just looking at it the other day. It was about Greek history.
Me: How on earth would you mix up the South Pacific and ancient Greece?
Fiance: Ah! Found it. (holds up the book in front of me)
Me: The Peloponnesian War???
Fiance: I knew I got it from somewhere.

Sorry, Kent Avenido. I don't know if you're actually Polynesian. I Googled you forever and could not find what your/your ancesters' nationality is. If you're reading this, send me an email. Howard Bamboo is awesome. Even though the name is moderately offensive.

A Very Big Brother Finale

-Kevin, I love you.

-Jordan, I’m happy you won. You and Kevin were the nicest people in the house. You kicked butt in the final rounds, when it mattered most. Best of all, the #1 and #2 things you said you’d do with the prize money had nothing to do with you and everything to do with helping your family. Kudos.

-Julie, what was that shapeless blue…thing? It had no shoulders. No sleeves. No detailing. It was a drape-y blue sheet, akin to what one would wear before getting on the Maid of the Mist, except less shiny. I mean, I get that you’re pregnant and your belly must be ginormous at this point. But this is the season finale. Of CBS’s biggest (okay, only) summer hit. Jordan got dressed up. Kevin got dressed up. Even Natalie wore a dress! Come on!

-Russell, what is the point of wearing a button-down shirt if you’re going to leave every button unbuttoned except for the bottom button? How many times did I use button in this sentence?

All in all, it was an enjoyable season of Biiiiig Brother. We had lots of screaming matches. We had a cute showmance. We had villains. We had crazy Chima. We had Kevin.

Alas, the end of Big Brother signals the end of summer. Fortunately, this means the fall season is now OFFICIALLY UNDER WAY.


Monday, September 14, 2009

Growing Up Is Hard To Do. So We’ll Just Be Bratty.

This week, there was a disturbing number of grown men and women who behaved so immaturely, on NATIONAL TV NO LESS. They brought shame to us all.

Joe Wilson—Disrespected the office of the Presidency. Shouted “You lie!” right in the middle of Obama’s speech.

Serena Williams—Threw a tantrum on the tennis court at the U.S. Open. Smashed a racquet. Told a judge she’d shove the ball down her throat.

Kanye West—Drunkenly got on stage in the middle of Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech, took her mic away, said Beyonce should’ve won, shoved the mic back at a stunned Taylor and walked away.

Seriously! What is wrong with people? Is there something in the water? And by the way, just saying you’re sorry afterwards, which they all did, DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT.

I’m so tired of these self-absorbed people. Grow up already!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Melrose Place: As Close To Perfection As A Pilot Gets

I finally watched the Melrose Place premiere.

OMG. I love it.

The 45 minutes flew right by. Before we knew it, the blonde was having a lesbian makeout session, the part-Asian girl decided to pimp herself out for college money, and the boring Augie guy (they need to change that name, ASAP) was setting fire to a blood-stained shirt in a dark alley. Holy crap. And this show's just getting STARTED.

I have to admit, I wasn't sure about this show. I really thought I'd hate it, despite it being in my top 3 new shows to watch this season. Too often, a show with this much hype just ends up disappointing. I'm looking at you, Kid Nation.

Other shows could really learn a thing or two from the MP pilot:

1. Have a GREAT soundtrack, with current, catchy songs that are completely apropos to the scenes they are used in. The closing song, The Killers' The World We Live In, was perfecto for the above-mentioned montage.

2. Provide something juicy about every character. Even that boring Augie guy surprised me at the end!

3. Feature young actors who are PLAYING THEIR AGE. This has rarely been done in Hollywood. I've only seen it in One Tree Hill, after they fast-forwarded the characters' lives by four years. Dawson's Creek failed at this. So does my new favorite show, Glee (Lea Michele is 22 and playing a high-schooler).

The only thing I would say to the MP editors is to drop those quick-cut edits. There were a lot of those at the beginning--they would show one character talking, then flash for half a second to the other character and then quick back to the first character! Nauseating.

Also, stop piling so much makeup on these people. Do med students really wear this much mascara at the hospital?

Other than that, this was a terrific first episode. The blonde is good enough that there's no need to bring back Heather Locklear. And I was happily surprised at the random, familiar-looking faces throughout the show. Rosa Blasi was from ABC Family's Make It Or Break It. Michael Rady was in Greek for a while. The Hispanic detective had bit roles in a bunch of shows--The OC, Law & Order: SVU, CSI: Miami. Even Michael Mancini was in the last episode of Greek (see previous entry). And last but not least, Adam Kaufman, who played the creepy yet hot Toby guy, was the star of that CBS Hallmark Hall of Fame movie that I am somewhat ashamed to say I watched, Loving Leah. I want more Toby! And yet, I don't.

Even more surprising, I don't dislike Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, or her character. I thought she'd be annoying a la 7th Heaven, but Ashlee was actually subtle and really good. Dollars to donuts she's Sydney's daughter, who was abandoned by Sydney at birth, found out who her birth mother was through the internet, and came to kill her so she could inherit the apartment complex.

O the secrets! O the drama! Watch this show. Now.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Greek Gets Funny!

The season 3 opener was a dud, but Greek on ABC Family just got good with episode 2. Yes, I watch ABC Family. No, I am not ashamed.

For those of you who don’t watch the show, and that would be 99.99999% of you, Greek follows Casey Cartwright and her brother Rusty on their sorority/frat house adventures. Casey is blonde and popular. Rusty is geeky and nice and somewhat creepy. He has bug eyes and he does awkward things ALL THE TIME. Like asking about the girl’s father while trying to have sex with her. I know. I know.

In the episode I just watched, the sorority girls’ fathers come to campus for Sorority Dad week or something like that. The week culminates in a football game between the dads and the guys at a frat house. Rusty pretends to be a football player to impress his girlfriend’s dad (the girl used to date a football player). While the dad is having a beer, Rusty thumps him REALLY HARD to show off how strong and macho he is, and ends up making the dad choke on and spill his drink. Then at the football game, Rusty tackles the dad and causes him to break his back/hip/arm. Rusty is weird.

There was also a really sad moment in the show. Ashley’s boyfriend kissed another girl while they were drunk, and Ashley found out and dumped him. I actually like the boyfriend, because despite his really really REALLY stupid mistake, he seems sweet. So at the end of the episode, the boyfriend is waiting in the kitchen of the sorority house. Ashley walks in. The boyfriend swoops up behind her and says, “Saved a cupcake for you” and holds it out. Ashley rejects the cupcake and leaves. Then she peeks back through the door and sees her boyfriend sitting at the table. He is sadly rewrapping the cupcake with Saran wrap. That did it. I started crying. I’m tearing up right now just typing this.

Greek airs Monday nights at 9PM ET. It’s also available on YouTube for poor people like me who don’t subscribe to cable.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Take A Bow, Glee: You’re The Best New Show On TV

Wow. Not since Chuck (and before that, Ugly Betty) have I been so excited about a new show. Last night’s premiere (May’s episode was just a preview, it seems) featured catchy songs, a hilarious dance sequence (“Push it real good!”), and a beautiful, heartwrenching performance of “Take a Bow” that probably had Rihanna crying tears into her own couch pillows. Lea Michele, you’re my new favorite singer. I’m sorry I never got to see you in Spring Awakening.

There’s also teacher Will and the adorable Emma. (What on earth does Will see in his crazy wife???) Sue Sylvester and her one-liners. The guy in the wheelchair. The Indian principal. I could go on and on.

But I won’t.

I want you to watch it and see for yourself.

This is how good the show is: I can't even hate it for playing Kanye.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Amazing Race Cast Announced. Get Excited!

Nowadays, the only thing I watch on real TV (not counting shows I download) is Big Brother. A whole summer watching a bunch of people in a house lying in bed talking about who they want to evict and how to tell time (this really happened. Jordan cannot tell time!). So when I heard about the new Amazing Race cast, I just about peed my pants. The fall season is just about here!

(Note: The CW began its fall season last night with 90210 and Melrose Place. Both tanked in the ratings. I haven’t watched MP yet, so I can’t judge.)

This season, TAR will feature some interesting cast members. Without cheating and looking at the cast list again (which I did this morning), here are the teams who stood out to me: the one featuring TAR’s first married interracial couple (black/white), the one featuring an Asian female poker player (already rooting for her), the one featuring two gay Christian brothers (wow that must be an awkward Sunday dinner) and the one featuring a guy with Asperger’s. Last season a deaf kid, this season Asperger’s. Truthfully, I don’t think he’ll have any problems. As long as he doesn’t pull a Luke and elbow a woman to the side. Ladies first, punk!

The Amazing Race premieres Sunday, Sept. 27 at 8PM ET. Is it Sept. 27 yet???

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Hey, Courteney Cox. 40 is not the new 20. 40 is just 40. Deal with it.

Every September, a slew of terribly written, unwatchable TV shows invade our homes. We don’t mean to let them in. It’s just that the posters plastered all over the subway stations and the cool pop-up ads in Entertainment Weekly slow our immune system and we think, Hey, maybe this’ll be good. I’ve got nothing better to do. One hour later, you’re hating yourself for watching almost a full episode of Dollhouse. No more, you say. No more.

Here are the three shows (only three???) I predict will crash and burn, not unlike Crash Course on ABC. Keep in mind, I am only naming the shows that have had huge marketing and promos. A bomb is not a bomb if nobody hears it go off.

Cougar Town, ABC: I have not seen the first episode, but just thinking about the tired premise makes me vomit. Cougar Town is about Courteney Cox, now in her 40s, trying to date 20-something men while being a single mom. CBS has a similar show premiering this fall, Accidentally on Purpose, starring Jenna Elfman. Why is everyone trying to be younger than they are? Why are the networks trying to convince us that we should date a man 15 years our junior to achieve happiness? And so, I refuse to watch any of this crap. Sorry, Jon Foster, I really liked you in Life As We Know It, in which you slept with your teacher. But I think you’re starting to typecast yourself.

Eastwick, ABC: This show is a mishmash of Charmed, Lipstick Jungle, and Cashmere Mafia (which I actually liked). It features three gorgeous women who happen to be witches. They use their powers to get what they want and they bond over their crazy lives. It’s based on a movie I never saw, which was based on a book I never read. I have better things to do on Wednesday nights.

Three Rivers, CBS: I’m on the fence with this one. It’s about organ donors at a transplant hospital. The extended preview, both times I saw it, made me weep. There is also a hot Asian male costar, which is unheard of in network television. Daniel Henney, I really wish this was your big break. I wish Alex O’Loughlin was more charismatic, so this show at least has a chance of succeeding. I wish this show wasn’t on Sundays at 9, the same time as Desperate Housewives. I wish I didn’t get the Coldplay song “Fix You” stuck in my head every d*mned time I think of this show.

I’m not touching Mercy and Trauma, both on NBC, because I have not seen a single ad for either of them. Come to think of it, I have not watched NBC all summer, so that could explain why. But I don’t know why NBC thinks we need two new hospital dramas to make up for the canceled ER. It was canceled for a reason. Nobody was watching it. Move on, NBC.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Fall TV Preview ‘09: I Pick the Hits!

I work in TV, so I’m pretty much an expert on this. Here are my top 3 NEW SHOWS premiering this fall:

Glee—Okay, this is not a new show because Fox already showed the pilot episode this spring. I love the cast, the music, the dry humor. I love the glee club teacher and even his crazy wife. I love that Fox remembered Asian people exist and cast an Asian in a sort-of prominent role. I’ll take what I can get. (Premieres Wednesday, Sept. 9 at 9PM ET)

Modern Family—This and Glee are tied for the shows I’m looking forward to most. I saw the pilot for this one too, and it was hysterical. All three families are unique and funny. I can’t believe Ed O’Neill is now old. I used to watch Married…with Children all the time. And I really like Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I gave up on his show The Class on CBS (which got canceled anyway), but I promise to be a devoted viewer this time around, JTF! (Premieres Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 9PM ET)

The Beautiful Life: TBL/Melrose Place—I’m torn on this one. They’re probably going to be the same show anyway. Rich white kids sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and making a mess of their lives. The Beautiful Life has been panned by critics left and right, and I can’t stand Mischa Barton. Yet, I love modeling shows like ANTM and Project Runway, so I’m looking forward to this one even though I have no idea what it’ll be like. Melrose Place has gotten good reviews, but I’m afraid it’ll go the way of the 90210 reboot and be extremely boring. I hope I'm wrong. I used to watch the original MP (but not 90210) and I remember Sydney and Michael and the gang. Maybe Allison and Billy Shue (I forget his character’s name) will show up. (TBL premieres Wednesday, Sept. 16 at 9PM ET--hey, why are all the good shows on Wednesdays at 9P?--and MP premieres Tuesday, Sept. 8 at 9PM ET)

Here are my top 3 RETURNING SHOWS this fall:

Where to start??? I watch everything. Except for Fox sitcoms.

Private Practice—Last season, this show had its dull moments, moments that made me bawl, and moments that had me screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” at the TV (always a sign of good, engaging television). But the season finale, with poor Violet about to be cut open so the crazy woman could take her baby, that had me on the edge of my sofa gripping my fiancé and shielding my eyes. I cannot WAIT to find out what happens! (Premieres Thursday, Oct. 1 at 10PM ET)

The Amazing Race—With the exception of the Family Edition (how boring was that? I didn’t even make it through two episodes), this show is one of the most entertaining week after week, without fail. That is impossible to do for most scripted series (with the exception of my third selection, below), because they always hit a lull point where they focus on characters you don’t care about, or a case you don’t understand (the CSIs and Law & Orders are guilty of this). With The Amazing Race, you know exactly what you’re getting every week—cool competitions, fights between teams, and Phil. I love Phil. He is one of my Old Man crushes (along with Charlie Gibson and Anderson Cooper). One of the best moments of last season was when he explained that the teams had to run around town in their underwear and WHAMMO! the camera pulled back and PHIL WAS IN HIS UNDERWEAR!!! (Premieres Sunday, Sept. 27 at 8PM ET)

Chuck—I’m calmer now. Okay. Chuck. I have his poster on my wall. He’s cute, goofy, and there is absolutely nothing to dislike about the guy. Nothing. I can’t think of a single thing. Also—and this is extremely rare of a TV show—I love every single one of the characters. Sarah. Morgan. Captain and Mrs. Awesome. His boss. Jeffster. Casey!!! I laugh out loud each and every time Casey growls (if you watch the show, you’ll know what I mean). Probably one of the funniest and most exciting shows on TV that also manages to move you emotionally. It does zip in the ratings, and I don’t know anyone personally who watches this show (other than my fiancé, who really likes it), so I’m pretty sure it will get canceled soon. My favorite shows always get canceled. (Premiere date is TBA. NBC said it would air after the Winter Olympics, in March, or during the summer. The SUMMER. Please don't do that to me, NBC.)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Mad Men Drives Me Mad Sometimes

I just watched the 3rd episode of Mad Men, season 3. I'm all caught up. And I agree with what some people are saying--NOTHING IS HAPPENING THIS SEASON. Nothing. Nada.

Here is what I remember from last night's ep:

-Sally stole money from Grandpa, who passive-aggressively blamed the black maid (like we didn't see that coming). Eventually, Sally gave it back. Then she read a book to him and everything was A-OK.

-There was a fancy party that Don and Betty went to. An old guy asked to feel Betty's baby bump. Not creepy at all.

-The Sterling Cooper staff smoked pot. Peggy has a new secretary who is older than she is.

I rest my case. The show was a whole lotta nothing. And yet I still love it.

There are some things that bother me about this show though. One of them--and this is a big one--is that they never resolve anything. Ever. Pete throwing the chicken out the window? Best moment of season 2, and yet...nothing. Joan getting raped by her fiance? Still with the guy. Peggy telling Pete she had his baby and gave him/her away? Life goes on. Nobody addresses anything from the past, nobody says "Hey, I'm still mad at you for blah blah."

I loved the dance Pete and Trudy did though. Afterwards, I turned to Matt, my fiance, and said, "I wish you would--" but he shook his head no before I even finished the sentence.

The other show I watched last night was Big Brother. Jeff & Jordan make a cute couple and it's sad they will be broken apart. But Jordan is basically dead weight (along with Natalie) and she doesn't deserve to win anyway. I hope Kevin takes home the money and goes on a fabulous vacation with his hot boyfriend. Jeff already has that Hawaii trip anyway, and Michelle won a gigantic new TV and Blue-Ray player. I'm not jealous.