Freshman Fall Series: How Are They Doing?

Now that many shows are starting their winter hiatus, I thought it'd be a good time to evaluate the new shows. Let's break it down by network:

ABC:

Modern Family. This is one I predicted would do well, and it's since been picked up for a full season. I've enjoyed every episode. The show is sweet without being saccharine. It would warm the heart of Ebenezer Scrooge.

Cougar Town. I predicted this show to bomb. In fact, it's doing quite well. This will be one of those shows lots of people watch that I'll never understand why. Like Bones.

Hank. It got canceled. Sorry, Kelsey Grammer. Maybe you could guest-star on Greek with your daughter Spencer. You can't play her dad, since that role's already taken, but maybe you could be a wacky professor or something.

The Middle. It's doing decent. Was picked up for a full season. Congrats, Patricia Heaton.

Eastwick. I predicted this show to bomb. It has been canceled, but ABC is committed to airing all the episodes that have been shot. Guess this beats airing reruns of According to Jim. Though not by much.

FlashForward. I wasn't sure about this one at first. I only gave it a shot because of John Cho. I'm very glad I did--it's one of my favorite new shows. The fiancé and I treat each episode like a movie event, complete with popcorn and dimmed lights. Don't judge.

V. I didn't think I would like this. I was right. The fiancé has gotten me to sit through all four episodes. With each one, my soul dies a little more.

The Forgotten. Who watches this show? Anybody? Bueller?

CBS:

Accidentally on Purpose. I predicted it to bomb. It's holding its own. I guess audiences like their cougars. Congrats, Jon Foster--you're finally on a non-cancelled show!

NCIS: LA. It's doing spectacular. No surprise, with the legions of NCIS fans out there. Congrats, LL Cool J and Chris O'Donnell.

Three Rivers: I predicted it to bomb. It has been canceled. CBS may or may not air the remaining episodes. I'm sad for Daniel Henney. Hey, maybe Grey's Anatomy will pick him up. He's definitely worthy of a McNickname.

The Good Wife: It got rave reviews, and it's doing great for CBS. Congrats to Julianna Margulies. I still can't spell your name without the help of Google, but you seem to be doing a nice job on the show.

NBC:

Trauma/Mercy: I put these together because they are basically the same show. One of them is about nurses, and the other is about EMTs. I think. And one of them is canceled and one of them is barely hanging on. I don't care enough to look into this further.

Community: I like Joel McHale from The Soup. I watched about fifteen minutes of this before I couldn't take it any longer. Sorry, Joel. I think NBC could go either way with this show, and since they don't have much else in the way of comedy, look for it to stick around.

Fox:

Brothers. It's right up there with Viva Laughlin as the most laughably horrendous show in history. At least that's what I hear. I haven't seen a second of it. Kudos to the show for introducing a wheelchair-bound character though.

Glee. Speaking of wheelchairs, this is another of my favorite new shows of the season. You can't watch Glee without a smile on your face. It is scientifically impossible. Also: Every Wednesday night, my Facebook is inundated with status updates about people watching this show. And yet, it does just aiiight in the ratings. What gives? I think Sue Sylvester needs to give Nielsen a call.

The Cleveland Show. This is a spinoff of Family Guy, a show my fiancé got me into. Neither he nor I have seen a second of The Cleveland Show. Yay for diversity. Yay for bear neighbors. That's all I got for this show.

The CW:

Melrose Place. Love it, love it. Love that Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is leaving the show. Sad about Colin Egglesfield's departure. Love Ella Sims. She might be the coolest and baddest new girl on TV. Does anyone else think it's weird that neither Thomas Calabro, Heather Locklear, Josie Bissett nor Laura Leighton appear to have aged a day from the original Melrose?

The Beautiful Life: TBL. I had this show paired with Melrose as a hit this season, and boy was I wrong. In my defense, I had not seen any of this show before giving my prediction. Still. Lesson learned. If Mischa Barton's in it, it will probably fail.

The Vampire Diaries. I call it a rainy day show because it's not something you have to watch immediately, but it's more than sufficient for a rainy day with nothing to do. Also, Stefan, played by the handsome Paul Wesley: He's all the reason you need to watch this show.

That's a wrap!

TV Tidbits: Grey’s Anatomy, Cougar Town

-On last night’s two-hour depressing Grey’s Anatomy premiere, a comatose George O’Malley got more screen time than he did all last season. Yep, I’m still bitter they decided to keep Katherine Heigl and kill off George. George was the Everyman of the show, the heart of the whole series. I like Izzie too, but every time she comes on screen I see her as Katherine Heigl biting every hand that feeds her. And then I stop liking Izzie. By the way, how does everybody at Seattle-Grace know what ceviche is and I’ve never even heard of it? Am I crazy? Probably.

-I finally gave in and watched five minutes of Cougar Town on YouTube. It got such strong ratings and reviews, so why not? Five minutes = 25% of the show. And enough for me to know that it’s still. not. funny. I liked the part where the old guy could hear Courteney Cox, but that was it. The whole show seems to be Courteney Cox’s character, Jules Cobb, lamenting her age and trying to fit in a world where everybody is 20something. If the show was about a frumpy-looking woman with a dead-end job living in a crappy apartment, I’d watch. But being attractive, affluent, successful in her career, Jules Cobb’s struggles is like a supermodel saying, “I didn’t always look like this, when I was a teenager everybody told me I was an ugly loser.” Yeah. Whatever.

Hey, Courteney Cox. 40 is not the new 20. 40 is just 40. Deal with it.

Every September, a slew of terribly written, unwatchable TV shows invade our homes. We don’t mean to let them in. It’s just that the posters plastered all over the subway stations and the cool pop-up ads in Entertainment Weekly slow our immune system and we think, Hey, maybe this’ll be good. I’ve got nothing better to do. One hour later, you’re hating yourself for watching almost a full episode of Dollhouse. No more, you say. No more.

Here are the three shows (only three???) I predict will crash and burn, not unlike Crash Course on ABC. Keep in mind, I am only naming the shows that have had huge marketing and promos. A bomb is not a bomb if nobody hears it go off.

Cougar Town, ABC: I have not seen the first episode, but just thinking about the tired premise makes me vomit. Cougar Town is about Courteney Cox, now in her 40s, trying to date 20-something men while being a single mom. CBS has a similar show premiering this fall, Accidentally on Purpose, starring Jenna Elfman. Why is everyone trying to be younger than they are? Why are the networks trying to convince us that we should date a man 15 years our junior to achieve happiness? And so, I refuse to watch any of this crap. Sorry, Jon Foster, I really liked you in Life As We Know It, in which you slept with your teacher. But I think you’re starting to typecast yourself.

Eastwick, ABC: This show is a mishmash of Charmed, Lipstick Jungle, and Cashmere Mafia (which I actually liked). It features three gorgeous women who happen to be witches. They use their powers to get what they want and they bond over their crazy lives. It’s based on a movie I never saw, which was based on a book I never read. I have better things to do on Wednesday nights.

Three Rivers, CBS: I’m on the fence with this one. It’s about organ donors at a transplant hospital. The extended preview, both times I saw it, made me weep. There is also a hot Asian male costar, which is unheard of in network television. Daniel Henney, I really wish this was your big break. I wish Alex O’Loughlin was more charismatic, so this show at least has a chance of succeeding. I wish this show wasn’t on Sundays at 9, the same time as Desperate Housewives. I wish I didn’t get the Coldplay song “Fix You” stuck in my head every d*mned time I think of this show.

I’m not touching Mercy and Trauma, both on NBC, because I have not seen a single ad for either of them. Come to think of it, I have not watched NBC all summer, so that could explain why. But I don’t know why NBC thinks we need two new hospital dramas to make up for the canceled ER. It was canceled for a reason. Nobody was watching it. Move on, NBC.