The Deep End. Already In Deep Shizzle.

So, who's watching ABC's new legal drama, The Deep End? Anybody? Bueller?

I haven't written about this show since I've been busy blogging about others. And also because this show has gotten no marketing push at all (at least, none that I've seen).

And let's face it, the premise of the show is so tired (a bunch of young, attractive lawyers at a competitive LA firm), I'd fall asleep at my keyboard writing about it.

In any case, the show debuted last night, and the numbers are terrible. The show drew 7 million viewers. To give you a comparison, Jay Leno attracts about 5 million viewers a night...and it got canceled. By week 3 or 4 (if it makes it that far), The Deep End should be down to 4 million and change. Especially when Survivor premieres.

Sorry, Matt Long. Another one bites the dust. I did like you in Jack & Bobby, though.

American Idol: Yes, Asian People Can Sing!

My people have never won American Idol.

In fact, we've never even come close. Not runner-up, not third, not fourth, not fifth. Anoop Desai, who's Indian, made it to #6. A dude named Paul Kim, who liked to sing barefoot, also made it to the finals, but he was around #24 or something. Yes, I Wikipedia'd him...word up, Wikipedia! No, I don't know why I just wrote that.

Anyway, the reason I write this entry is because in last night's episode of Idol, a young Asian man got a golden ticket, and his name was John Park.

John, I don't know you personally, but dang, you can sing, and you are a stud. You had Shania all a-twitter!

I am so, so happy you made it through to Hollywood. Let's hope this isn't the last we hear of you, because too often, Idol shows us a great contestant during auditions...and then we never hear from them again.

Even more importantly, John, you may be the guy to show America that Asian people can sing. You may even be the guy who makes us all forget about William Hung. (I think for that achievement alone, you should be awarded one of those Fords they always give the finalists.)

I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up too high about you, John Park. Because what if tonight was the last we'll see of you?

Well, at the very least, you are now immortalized in my humble blog.

CSI: Miami: And You Think You've Got Daddy Issues.

On last night's CSI: Miami, we meet a white guy named Russell Turner who gets sliced in half by a samurai sword while running from a guy on a motorcycle. Yes, sliced in half. At the waist. It is a lovely way to begin the episode.

Then we meet Russell's 15-year-old son. His name is Kenny Turner, and he's Japanese. Turns out Russell adopted him when he was a baby. So now Kenny is fatherless. It's very sad. Kenny seems like a nice guy.

Then we find out Kenny's biological father is this guy named Takashi Yamada, who's the head of the Japanese mafia. (Yes, this is the requisite Asian mafia episode, which every crime procedural is required to do at some point.) Yamada has been trying to find his biological son for ages. By the way, Yamada has lots of tattoos, and he doesn't get inked by ordinary needles, he uses bamboo needles. This factoid will come up again later on.

Then we meet Kenny's biological mother, Susan Lee. By the way, she does not look a day over 25 (we Asians have terrific genes). Susan says she was raped by Yamada when she was 15. She didn't want her son to join the Japanese mafia, so she took her baby and ran away and found a shelter, where she met Kenny's adoptive father and gave her son to him.

Then the CSIs learn something weird about Takashi Yamada's blood type. It has changed over the years. How could this be? Calleigh figures out that he must've gotten a liver transplant, because the body will sometimes change its blood type in order to accept the new liver.

But why would Yamada need a new liver?

Because those crazy bamboo needles he gets tattooed by penetrate so deeply into the skin, they block the sweat glands, which eventually screws up the liver. So, back to the reason Yamada has been looking for his son all these years...

HE WANTED HIS SON'S LIVER.

AHHHH.

AHHHHHHH!

I don't know about you, but this is the life lesson I took away from the episode: If you're adopted, don't let your biological parents find you. They may be after your organs.

2010 Golden Globes: Winners, Losers, and Michael C. Hall's Hat.

Last night was the Golden Globes awards. I normally don't watch this show, but 24 wasn't starting for another hour.

Here, in no particular order, are the big TV winners of the night:

Best drama: Mad Men. Love this show, and happy that it won. While it beat out Dexter, I can't hate on Mad Men, since it didn't win any other awards. By the way, Jon Hamm, what was up with the beard?

Best comedy/musical: Glee. YES! I am so happy for the cast. I may/may not stalk all of them on Twitter, so I may/may not know how truly excited they were to be at the show, never mind if they won or lost. What a great group of kids.

Best actress, drama: Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife. Dang it, still can't spell her name right on the first try. I've never seen an episode of The Good Wife, or ER, for that matter. But she seems like a nice lady.

Best actor, drama: Michael C. Hall, Dexter. I totally cried when he went up on stage. Dude has been getting treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. "It's nice to have a justifiable excuse for accessorizing," he said, in reference to the hat he was wearing to cover up his loss of hair.

Best actor, comedy/musical: Alex Baldwin, 30 Rock. Never watched this show. By the way, why are musicals and comedies lumped together? Are there that many musicals on television that it needs its own name in a category? And while we're at it, Matthew Morrison (Will Schuester on Glee), was also nominated for this category, and he was great at the musical stuff AND the comedy. On this alone, he should've won. I'm just saying.

Best actress, comedy/musical: Toni Collette, United States of Tara. Never seen this show either. And yes, I believe Lea Michele should've won, for the aforementioned reason.

Best mini-series made for...zzzzz I'm sorry what were we talking about?

...Skipping over the best actor/actress for mini-series/motion picture made for TV, since none of us have actually seen any of those performances...

Best supporting actor: John Lithgow, Dexter. AWESOME. The man was stupendously frightening this season. Out of habit, I shrank away from the TV as he gave his speech.

Best supporting actress: Chloe Sevigny, Big Love. I'm torn on this one. She's great on Big Love (funny, emotional, relatable), but I just don't know. I mean, she plays one of three wives, all of whom are terrifically portrayed. So it's hard for me to see why she should be nominated (let alone be given the award) over the others. Also, I have soft spots for the scene-stealing Jane Lynch (Glee) and underrated Rose Byrne (Damages).

That's it for this year's Golden Globes!

24: Jack Is Back! And His Son-In-Law's A Vampire!

I just watched the season premiere of 24, and first off, I am SUPER EXCITED this show is back. I have missed my Jack, and Chloe, and...yeah, that's about it, everyone else has been written off or killed. I'm still mourning Edgar.

Anyway, here are my early observations and thoughts so far:

-Jack's granddaughter is way cute. "Grandpa" is an unsettling moniker for Jack though. He does not look a day over 40.

-Since when is Chloe...incompetent? It was so bizarre seeing her get reprimanded every five minutes for being slow.

-Speaking of reprimands, the CTU New York boss is a class-A jerk. Bill Buchanan, come back from the dead! And bring Edgar with you.

-Jack killed a man with a fire ax. The fiance got a kick out of that. Though it's probably no match for when Jack bit a chunk off a guy's neck.

-Holy familiar faces, Batman! In the two hours alone I counted: Jennifer Westfeldt, Freddie Prinze Jr., the game show host from Slumdog Millionaire, and Starbuck from Battlestar Gallactica. (Yes, I had to ask the fiance about that last one.)

-I don't hate Kim Bauer anymore. I used to find her annoying, but she won me over when she convinced Jack he needed to stay and help Chloe.

-I forgot to mention another familiar face: Paul Wesley from The Vampire Diaries! He plays Kim's husband Stephen. Man, he's hot. I can totally see how they produced such an adorable offspring. On Vampire Diaries, he is Stefan. Stephen, Stefan. I love it.

What a great premiere. Yeah I totally skipped over all the plot stuff, but you already know all about that, because it's the same every season: Evil terrorist wants to blow up a city/kill the President/unleash nuclear weapons/all of the above. The only thing that changes each season is the terrorists' countries of origin.

Oh, and we're finally out of LA. New York...we've been Jacked!

Alex O'Loughlin: Third Time's The Charm? I Don't Think So.

When I read this bit of news, I just had to come here and share this with you.

Remember when I wrote about all the networks doing remakes of old TV shows? And how they are pretty much guaranteed to suck?

And then remember when I said, "CBS, enough with Alex O'Loughlin already!"? Because having two series canceled in back-to-back seasons kind of indicates he's not leading man material?

Well, apparently, CBS isn't listening. They are going to smash two birds with one stone by trying to get Alex O'Loughlin to star in the remake of Hawaii Five-O.

Bwaaaaahahaha!

I'm sorry. I can't help it. That is just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

That's all I had to say.

And now, back to the Jets game.

Damages, Season 2. Biggest. Letdown. Ever.

So I was all hopeful that season 2 of Damages would be teh awesome, because of how amazing and addictive season 1 was.

Boy, was I wrong.

Reason: I HAVEN'T A CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON.

First of all, there are too many characters.

Last season was nice and simple: Ted Danson, Ted Danson's lawyer, Ellen, David, Katie, Katie's boyfriend, Glenn Close, Pete, Tate Donovan.

This season there's Ellen, Glenn Close, Tate Donovan, Katie, Ellen's therapy boyfriend, evil Kevin Smith cop, evil NYPD cop, blonde hooker, blonde hooker's client, Chevy Chase lookalike, Chevy's lawyer, Chevy's lover (played by Marcia Gay Harden), two FBI detectives, Pete, Pete's wife, Pete's bootleg DVD dealers (there are at least 3), and the male journalist. And those are just the ones I can remember.

Then there's the crazy timeline. Last season there were two sets of time: the present and six months ago. The show would count down from the six months, going back and forth (present, six months ago, present, five months ago, present, ten weeks ago, and so on) until everything synced up. It was very cool. The show also made it clear whether we were in the past or the present--the past looked normal, and the present looked washed out and everything had a yellow tint. This season...fuggedaboutit. It goes from the present to six months ago to ten weeks later to ten years ago to four months later to...who cares. Everything is shot exactly the same so you have no idea if you're in the past or present or future. Yes...there is a future.

Also, the plot. I don't know what's going on. Okay, so there's a company polluting the environment, and there's a guy with a hooker and he's making financial transactions on his computer and Pete gets blackmailed and Ellen's therapy guy is hanging out with evil Kevin Smith cop and Marcia Gay Harden is representing the hooker in court and having an affair with the Chevy Chase guy...who happens to be the father of Glenn Close's son. Yeah, I need a drink just typing all this up.

Not since Lost has a show confused me so much. I am this close to giving up Damages. But still, I have hope that season 3 goes back to the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Stupid.