Holy Plot Twist, 24!

I was totally floored last night, and not just because our wedding caterer canceled on us with just eight weeks to go (this has since been cleared up, PHEW).

No, I was also shocked by the revelation at the very end of last night's episode: Dana Walsh is working with the terrorists!

Up to this point, I had thought Dana the most useless character ever created for television. Distracting us from the terror plot du jour. Patronizing Chloe. Taking screen time away from Jack. Destroying poor Cole's life. Annoying us with her hair constantly over one shoulder. But finally, finally, Dana Walsh has reason to exist on this show!

I can't wait to see how this all goes down.

I just hope that at some point, Chloe has to Tase Dana to get information out of her. I'd have Jack do it, but it would just be nice to see Chloe whip out ole Shockey again. Remember when she Tased a dude at the bar? Twice? That was awesome.

Where was I? Oh, yes.

Welcome back, 24!

24: Can Something Exciting Please Happen?

Previously on 24...

Yeah, I don't know what happened either. I was so bored within the first minute, I picked up the latest Entertainment Weekly. Did you know about the astounding number of books out there that are about fat women, but they all feature Skinny Minnies on the cover? Yeah, it's totally bogus. See: Every single Jennifer Weiner novel.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The latest episode of 24. From the snippets I caught in between reading EW and feeding my cat Rocky Road ice cream (chocolate is bad for cats, I know, but she loves it), I learned that Freddie Prinze Jr. has the heart of a felon, Farhad is still a wuss, and the Fox 5 Ten O'Clock News comes on at 1AM in the world of 24. Ernie Anastos, it's the middle of the night, but keep f**king that chicken!

Honestly, what happened to 24 this season?

A few theories:

1) Too many characters. I can't keep all the bad guys straight. Is it the Russians? The Middle Easterners? Which Middle Easterners? And what is Dana's ex's connection to all this? Do I even care?

2) Not enough Jack and Chloe. And when we do get Jack, he's...practically sane, and when we get a quick shot of Chloe, she's scowling 90% of the time. I'm tired of that Chloe scowl. Can we get a sister some lines?

3) The country of IRK. I don't know what IRK stands for (something something Kamistan), and I’m wondering if the person who came up with that knew what he was doing. But my question is this: Why does the show sometimes make up country names (IRK, Sangala) and sometimes use real ones (China, Russia)?

4) The lack of super awesome villains. Remember President Logan? Nina Myers? Heck, even Chuck Bartowski made a more intimidating (not to mention entertaining) bad guy on last night's Chuck.

So yeah. Next week, I'll be tuning in to 24 as I always do, but I don't know if my heart's in it anymore.

24: Grow A Spine, Starbuck!

I know this is going to make me sound insane, but I am one of those people who talks to her TV when something frustrates her or something crazy happens. To my credit, my fiance is usually in the room with me, so theoretically, you could say I am...uh...running my ideas past him, which makes me not as crazy. But yeah. I yell at my TV.

I was yelling last night during Chuck when he got inside the coffin with the dead guy and closed the lid...and you could still see everything inside the coffin. I went ballistic.

Me: How can you still see everything? It should be pitch-black!

Fiance: Well, he has his cell phone out, so maybe it's lighting up--

Me: NO! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Yeah.

I was yelling again during 24. I didn't mention this in my last 24 post, but Starbuck (it's a better name than Dana Walsh/Jenny Scott or whatever her character's real name is) drives me crazy with her hair over her left shoulder. In every single second of every episode so far (five hours and counting), she has had her blond hair over that same shoulder. It never leaves that position. Not when she turns her head, not when she gets up and walks around, and drives across town. Hair. Still. Over. Shoulder.

Speaking of driving across town, why is she still hanging around that Ricky Gervais-lookalike bad guy? First of all, when he found her cell number and called, she should've pretended it was a wrong number and hung up. Then she should've ignored every subsequent call from him. Then when he came to visit her, SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE GONE DOWNSTAIRS. Now he knows a) she dyed her hair (which defeats the purpose of dyeing her hair) and b) she's still scared of him. Also, she should not have removed her engagement ring before seeing him. Because not five minutes later, she gives him the keys to her apartment (WHY???)...where she has tons of pictures everywhere of her and her fiance. And then when he calls her up and demands an explanation, she comes right out and admits she's engaged.

I won't even go into the fact that she promises him a six-figure sum to make him go away. After he smacks her around. Girl needs to grow a pair. Also, she has the government's resources at her beck and call. She could make him "disappear" quite easily. So why doesn't she?

Hey, even Hugh Grant joked about doing just such a thing on Love Actually, and he was the prime minister.

So yeah, I am annoyed at Starbuck and all her secret past/criminal ex-boyfriend drama. I'm not sure how (or if) it'll connect to the larger terrorism plot, and frankly, I don't care. The 24 writers set us up to dislike her from the start--she's weak, she's condescending to Chloe, and she's Hastings' pet. Now all of a sudden we're supposed to care about her? As she grows progressively spineless and shirks her job to tend to her psycho boyfriend? Freddie Prinze, Jr., you deserve better.

And speaking of Freddie, where was he last night? I missed him. Hey, 24 writers: Less Starbuck and more Freddie, please!

Last point: How on earth did Chloe miss that other car leaving the parking lot after Jack? It's not like her to be so careless. Far as I'm concerned, Chloe has eyes on the back of her head and on the sides of her face. She can monitor six video screens at once while conferencing in Field Ops and uploading schematics to Jack and making a cup of coffee, cream and two sugars, please. So why are the 24 writers making Chloe look so sloppy and slow this season? Blah.

Okay. Enough ranting. For now, anyway.

24: Jack Is Back! And His Son-In-Law's A Vampire!

I just watched the season premiere of 24, and first off, I am SUPER EXCITED this show is back. I have missed my Jack, and Chloe, and...yeah, that's about it, everyone else has been written off or killed. I'm still mourning Edgar.

Anyway, here are my early observations and thoughts so far:

-Jack's granddaughter is way cute. "Grandpa" is an unsettling moniker for Jack though. He does not look a day over 40.

-Since when is Chloe...incompetent? It was so bizarre seeing her get reprimanded every five minutes for being slow.

-Speaking of reprimands, the CTU New York boss is a class-A jerk. Bill Buchanan, come back from the dead! And bring Edgar with you.

-Jack killed a man with a fire ax. The fiance got a kick out of that. Though it's probably no match for when Jack bit a chunk off a guy's neck.

-Holy familiar faces, Batman! In the two hours alone I counted: Jennifer Westfeldt, Freddie Prinze Jr., the game show host from Slumdog Millionaire, and Starbuck from Battlestar Gallactica. (Yes, I had to ask the fiance about that last one.)

-I don't hate Kim Bauer anymore. I used to find her annoying, but she won me over when she convinced Jack he needed to stay and help Chloe.

-I forgot to mention another familiar face: Paul Wesley from The Vampire Diaries! He plays Kim's husband Stephen. Man, he's hot. I can totally see how they produced such an adorable offspring. On Vampire Diaries, he is Stefan. Stephen, Stefan. I love it.

What a great premiere. Yeah I totally skipped over all the plot stuff, but you already know all about that, because it's the same every season: Evil terrorist wants to blow up a city/kill the President/unleash nuclear weapons/all of the above. The only thing that changes each season is the terrorists' countries of origin.

Oh, and we're finally out of LA. New York...we've been Jacked!

24 Has a Premiere Date. Get Excited!

Today I saw the trailer for my favorite shoot-out drama, 24. I watched it on mute because I was at work, but I don't think I missed anything. It's the same dang show every year, and I love it for just that reason.

For the uninitiated, here is a handy synopsis of every season of 24 to date:

-Jack Bauer is going through inner turmoil or coming off a terrible experience when the season begins.
-Terrorists strike.
-Jack tries to find them.
-Jack finds them. Commence torture.
-Feds try to stop him.
-Feds can't stop him.
-Kim Bauer shows up. Ugh.
-Someone important dies.
-Jack finally gets the Feds to listen.
-Someone in the Fed/CTU/government is a rat!
-Jack kills the rat.
-Lots of shooting. Good guys win.
-The sun rises with the dawn of a new day. All is well.
-...Or is it?! Dun dun dun.

This season's 24 takes place in my hometown of NYC. (Yes, we are so over LA!) It premieres Sunday, January 17. Jack and Chloe, how I've missed you so!