The Amazing Race Cowboys: Winners In My Heart.

I was so disappointed last night. On The Amazing Race, the argumentative, petty, temperamental brothers Dan and Jordan beat the funny, friendly, idiot-savanty cowboy brothers and best friends Jet and Cord.

I loved those cowboys so much. They were fishes out of water in just about every challenge, and yet they found a way to enjoy all of them, no matter how clueless they were about what to do in them.

They were gentlemen through and through. They had two understandable chances in last night's finale to knock a brother to the side--when Dan and Jordan cut them in line, and again when Jordan was holding up Jet during the Star Wars challenge.

Unlike the quarreling brothers, Jet and Cord got along great. They never yelled at each other. They also never tried to steal anybody's cab (a TAR cardinal sin, IMO). They were just good guys, good people. I wish I knew them in real life.

Jet and Cord, it was a great run. Thank you for being a genuinely nice team in a season full of contentious brothers, lesbians, and models. It was a pleasure watching you.

The Amazing Race: Champagne Tower Of Terror.

I swear, this season's Amazing Race has got to be an alcoholic's nightmare. First the beer boot challenge, and now this leg, which included building a champagne fountain, popping a bottle of bubbly, and searching for grapes in a large field.

Totally bummed about Jeff & Jordan, who were booted off The Amazing Race last night. I was hoping for another non-elimination, but I agree with the fiancé, who said, "If it's another non-elimination, I call foul."

Besides the cowboys, I am now rooting for Steve & Allie, the father/daughter team. (By the way, does anyone else think Allie is Shenae Grimes' sister from another mister?) Oh, and there was a shout-out to duct tape, one of the best inventions EVAR. Steve is hilarious, Allie is kind, and they are a joy to watch. Just look at their picture. How friggin adorable are they???

The Amazing Race: Cowboys Up!

Before the season began, I was eh about the cowboys. I figured they were a gimmicky team, cast on the show purely on the merits of their ten-gallon hats and giant belt buckles. I figured they’d be out by the 2nd leg. An entertaining team is not always a bright, athletic, cunning team that can win The Amazing Race.

How wrong I was.

Last week, we saw the cowboys ditch the rest of the pack and get on a different bus, which brought them to the next location before anyone else. Nobody could figure out where they were or how they’d managed to find a faster route.

And last night, we saw the cowboys in their element. They had to lasso a bale of hay, play polo on a (wooden) horse, and play five-card stud against the Travelocity Gnome (I love that crazy gnome). It was awesome to see them whooping it up and having a great time. And not only that, but they seem like genuinely nice people who are in this race to have FUN.

Speaking of FUN, how great are Jeff and Jordan to watch? Now, you would expect Jeff to do most of the work, since he’s taller and stronger, and he can actually tell time. But Jordan is pulling her weight, signing up for challenges like walking the high wire and doing most of the driving (Jeff can’t drive a stick). Also, they’re hilarious. At one point, Jeff was so frustrated, he said, “We’re so stupid. We should never reproduce.” Ha!

Less fun to watch are the lesbians. Now, you know I love my gays, but geesh, I can’t stand these two. They’re constantly bickering, they’re snippy toward the other teams when they don’t get their way, and they have a diva attitude about everything—Gucci this, “I don’t take public transportation” that. I’m so over you, Lesbian Team.

The Amazing Race 16: Who Are We Rooting For?

Happy birthday to me! The Amazing Race premieres this Sunday, and I could not ask for a more wonderful belated birthday gift. Before I analyze the teams and give my list of favorites, here is how CBS is touting the new season:

"Eleven Teams Hit the Road for a 40,000-Mile Sprint around the Globe and Find Themselves in the Midst of a World War I Re-enactment, Retracing the Early Days of The Beatles and Come Face-to-Face with One of the World’s Most Infamous Villains."

Yep...still catering to the 65+ crowd, I see.

Also, who's the infamous villain? Osama bin Laden? Did they actually find the dude???

As far as the teams go, there's nothing crazy. Just your usual assortment of cowboys, models, lesbians, and...JEFF AND JORDAN FROM BIG BROTHER!!! This wasn't news to anybody who wasn't living under a rock, but I still get a little thrill every time I see their team photo. They are so cute. I'm so glad they are still together. They seem to really...oh, sorry. I'm supposed to be talking about TAR.

There is also an Asian American married couple (also adorable in their photo), who of course I'll be rooting for. I also like the grandma-granddaughter team. Grandma is 71 and she's a personal trainer! Note to self: Start taking calcium supplements. Last but not least, there is a team of undercover detectives. Hmm...I wonder if they found Osama?

TAR 16 kicks off at 8PM ET on Sunday. Phil, it's been too long.

10 TV Wishes for 2010.

A friend, hearing my cry for something new to watch in the wasteland of reruns, recommended I try Damages. I'd always heard good things about it, but for some reason, just never gave it a shot. So I'm downloading the first two episodes now.

In the meantime, since today is the last day of 2009, I'm going to share my TV wishes for 2010.

1) Chuck gains a bigger audience. This will not happen. Look, people know it exists, they just choose not to watch. Sort of like with Friday Night Lights.

2) Ugly Betty gains a foothold on Wednesdays at 10PM. This probably will not happen either. I don't think all the fans who left just because the show moved to Fridays will suddenly come back. I know if I give up on a show, I give up for good.

3) The return of Wentworth Miller. I gave up on Prison Break after season 2, yes. But that wasn't me taking Wentworth for granted. That was me refusing to watch a show as it got more and more absurd.

4) A TV show starring a non-white person/family. I know what you're thinking. And no, The Cleveland Show does not count. It's a CARTOON.

5) Speaking of diversity, I would like for Tina C. to sing another solo on Glee. I didn't love her attempt at Tonight from West Side Story, but her rendition of True Colors is beautiful (like a rainbow). It's uplifting, it's moving, it's well done. I may or may not have shed a tear when it first came up on my Pandora.

6) The cancellation of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. This will not happen, because The Bachelor is a very popular franchise. Even though it is, in fact, a cancerous mole on the face of television.

7) No more TV remakes of shows from before I was born. Sadly, the three major networks are charging ahead with The Rockford Files (NBC), Charlie's Angels (ABC) and Hawaii Five-O (CBS). I'm putting myself to sleep just typing those titles.

8) More likeable/memorable contestants on The Amazing Race and Survivor. I hated this season's final four teams on TAR and I didn't know anyone's name except Evil Russell's and Shambo's on Survivor: Samoa. This wish may actually come true: Big Brother's Jeff & Jordan are rumored to be in the next TAR, and the next Survivor is an all-star edition and Evil Russell's in it. Let's hope he takes home the money this time around.

9) No more lawyer/doctor dramas. Unfortunately, ABC has The Deep End (lawyer) coming up, and CBS has Miami Trauma (doctor). I'm not watching these. I'm guessing you won't either.

10) More crazy, jaw-dropping moments like the lawn mower incident on Mad Men and Rita in the bathtub on Dexter and the entire Wentworth Miller episode of Law & Order: SVU. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to watch a show and suddenly go HOLY CRAP DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???

And that's a wrap! What are your TV wishes for 2010?

The Amazing Race Finale: Count Those P-P-P-P-Poker Chips.

Sunday was a sad day at Casa Linda's TV, for The Amazing Race ended its 15th season. What will I do all winter without Phil Keoghan and his crazy accent?

As you already know, I didn't like any of the remaining teams. But I LOVED the challenges. First of all, they took place in Vegas. That in and of itself was a breath of fresh air, after a month of Europe's Beautiful But Boring Cities. Second, Cirque du Soleil was involved. Third, so was Wayne Newton. He looked jolly and well preserved.

(It's okay, Gay Brothers. I blanked on his name, too.)

People have complained that this season's TAR has been full of lame challenges. I couldn't agree more. Building a snowman. Sliding down a big slide. Zzz. However, the finale definitely made up for that with this challenge: Rappelling down the side of the Mandalay Bay. Holy cannoli, that looked fun.

Coming into the episode, I was rooting for the black and white team. However, when Ericka started her thousandth screaming tantrum, at Cirque du Soleil of all awesome places, I said ENOUGH. Enough of you, Ericka!

I honestly do not know how Brian has not lost his mind by now. Brian, if you're reading this, my condolences.

In the end, Team Master Race won. Is anyone surprised? Well, I was a little surprised the wind resistance didn't slow down Cheyne and his hair as they rappelled down the Mandalay Bay. But other than that, not surprised at all.

All in all, it wasn't the best season of TAR in terms of teams and challenges, but dang it if I didn't love this show anyway. Even if Phil did keep his pants on all season.

The Amazing Race: Who to Root For?

Every time The Amazing Race begins a new season, I can pick out a favorite team and root for them up until they get booted. I suspect most fans do this as well. And usually I'm pretty good at rooting for winning teams. I rooted for the two winning hippie teams in the past couple of seasons (I forget their names, but one was an all-guy hippie team and one was an adorable male-female couple). I also rooted for Joyce & Uchenna, who also came out winners. They remain one of my favorite couples ever to compete on TAR. And of course, last season, I cheered on Tammy & Victor to the finish line. Yay!

This season, it was considerably harder to pick a favorite. I initially wanted to root for my Asian sistah Maria and her teammate Tiffany, but not only did they turn out to be big fat LIARS, but Maria was totally weak. Way to represent, Maria. I also thought I'd like the Harlem Globetrotters, because how can you not love a couple of big funny lugs with good spirits? But then the challenges looked too easy for them and I didn't like their smack-talk--it just rubbed me the wrong way. I also liked the gay brothers, except they also turned out to be not very nice people all of the time.

So my "favorite" team changed with each episode. In the episode where the old couple became my favorite...they got booted. The pink-haired guy and his dad became my favorite...until a few episodes later when they got booted.

Now I'm left with four teams, none of whom I really want to win. There's the gay brothers, who ganked a taxi from another team--NOT COOL. There's the Globetrotters, who I already talked about. There's the interracial couple, which includes a really annoying pageant queen who cannot count bells. Finally, there's the blond team, which another blog has dubbed Team Master Race (LOL), for whom things come easily because they are both young and fit and athletic. After last night's episode, I've decided Cheyne's a tool and therefore must not win. (Sorry, Cheyne's girlfriend--you seem like a nice person.) By the least of all evils rule, I guess I should root for the Globetrotters.

This has got to be the least likeable final four teams of Amazing Race history. Now, I didn't watch the first three seasons, so I could be wrong. But eck! Fans deserve better.

Also, can we not spend 500 episodes in a row in Europe next time? Sorry, but the scenery isn't that exciting. And the locals all speak English, which makes it too easy for the teams.

Amazing Race, you better bring it next season, because this one just ain't cutting it.

The Amazing Race: Let's Hug It Out.

After watching last night's Amazing Race, I have decided something: If I ever go on this show, I'm not going on it with a girl. No way, no how.

I'm not being sexist. I'm not being unfair to women. I'm just saying, if I want to win, I'm taking a Y chromosome with me.

That's not to say I don't think an all-girl team could win. I'm sure two extremely fit women could kick butt (though there has yet to be an all-girl winning team in 15 seasons). But me, being the size of pre-mom Nicole Richie, would just be better off racing with a guy.

Like on Survivor, so many of TAR's challenges are physical. And last night's detour challenge was no exception. It required banging a mallet on the platform of one of those carnival poles that rings a bell if you hit the top. Neither Maria nor Tiffany can ring the bell after 30 tries, so they decide to do the other detour, which is golfing with giant colored balls (no jokes, please). They suck at that too. Back to the carnival pole.

Somewhere in the middle of their 40 more tries (for a total of 70), they take a moment to hug it out. The camera swirls around their circle of anguish as they cry into each other's shoulders. I think Tiffany is crying harder than Maria, who clearly has put in no effort whatsover with the mallet. Still, it's a sad moment on television.

After hugging it out, Maria and Tiffany try a few more times. No luck. So they go back to the golf. After I don't know how many rounds, Phil shows up.

What I think he's going to tell them: Hi ladies. Listen, Big Brother is on tonight, and I can just make it back to the hotel in time to see if Jeff got fooled by Natalie and Kevin's lie that Russell is planning to take him out after this eviction. Are you about done here or what?

What he actually tells them: Hi ladies. I'm told you want to quit the race.

WHAT??? That is not what you want to hear as a couch potato wishing you could be on this show. Maria (or Tiffany) actually has the nerve to correct Phil: "No, we don't want to quit the race, we just don't think we can do this challenge." Potato, potahto. You decided to quit. Own up to it!

The Amazing Race: Wasabi Bombs and Lying Poker Players (How Redundant!)

Ah, the return of Phil. There is no better way to end the weekend than a two-hour Amazing Race. There really isn't.

Alas, we were also treated to the obnoxious duo known as Maria and Tiffany, the professional poker players who made up a story about helping homeless kids for a living. Look, you can lie on Survivor. Big Brother. In fact, you're kind of expected to lie on those shows. But don't you dare taint TAR with your poorly crafted, easily exposed sob stories! UGH.

Best part of the episode was watching the teams corral the ducks around. I have no idea how Zev managed to do it (other than NOT SCREAM AT THE DUCKS), but it was great watching him. O Duck Whisperer, I hope you and your partner make it all the way to the end.

One thing I dislike every season is when they have challenges at places that don't open until the next morning. Then all the teams catch up and the ones who hustled to get there first have done so for naught. I know the show does this to keep the race fairly tight, but it's gotta be disappointing for those teams last night who chipped in money to bribe the bus driver to leave early. What a waste of money!

Speaking of disappointment-how bummed would you be to make it all the way to the show, only to be stuck in LA while all the other teams fly off to Japan? The yoga team had to say their goodbyes to Phil at (I looked it up because I forgot) the Los Angeles River Basin. The least the show could've done was broken their hearts someplace besides Graffiti Alley. Yeesh!

The Primetime Emmys: My Favorite Winners

Along with 291 million Americans, I did not watch the Primetime Emmys Sunday night. As funny as Neil Patrick Harris is, I’m not much for watching Hollywood congratulate itself on a job well done. I’m all for recognizing hard work and talent, but why don’t these people just give themselves the awards via a Facebook vote-off and send out a press release?

In any case, here are the three winners I am happy for, because I love these shows and winning is a sure sign they will not be canceled anytime soon (with the exception of #3):

Mad Men, for best drama and best writing for a drama series. Yes, that “writing” includes racist comments. And sexist jokes. And blackface. But this show is terrifically understated, with impeccable acting and a gorgeous, authentic look—you really feel like you’re in the 1960s, smoking like a chimney and wearing a garter.

The Amazing Race, for best reality/competition. This makes TAR’s 7th win in a row. Survivor host Jeff Probst said, “Maybe ‘Amazing Race’ should do what Oprah did and pull itself out of competition.” I don’t think he was joking. Probst, calm down. You won for best reality host. Anyway, would you really want your show to win because the BEST SHOW ON TV withdrew from the ballot? You would? Oh. Okay.

Kristin Chenoweth, for best supporting actress in a comedy, Pushing Daisies (R.I.P.). Pushing Daisies was canceled too soon. Fortunately, Kristin’ll be appearing on Glee this fall. I am SUPER EXCITED for that. Kristin needs to be on every show on TV.

To everybody else who won, congratulations. Little Dorrit, I never heard of you, but you put PBS on the map. The Daily Show, I watch you every day, but still prefer The Colbert Report. 30 Rock, I never watched a single episode of you, but maybe I should start. Are you casting Kristin Chenoweth anytime soon?

The Amazing Race Cast Announced. Get Excited!

Nowadays, the only thing I watch on real TV (not counting shows I download) is Big Brother. A whole summer watching a bunch of people in a house lying in bed talking about who they want to evict and how to tell time (this really happened. Jordan cannot tell time!). So when I heard about the new Amazing Race cast, I just about peed my pants. The fall season is just about here!

(Note: The CW began its fall season last night with 90210 and Melrose Place. Both tanked in the ratings. I haven’t watched MP yet, so I can’t judge.)

This season, TAR will feature some interesting cast members. Without cheating and looking at the cast list again (which I did this morning), here are the teams who stood out to me: the one featuring TAR’s first married interracial couple (black/white), the one featuring an Asian female poker player (already rooting for her), the one featuring two gay Christian brothers (wow that must be an awkward Sunday dinner) and the one featuring a guy with Asperger’s. Last season a deaf kid, this season Asperger’s. Truthfully, I don’t think he’ll have any problems. As long as he doesn’t pull a Luke and elbow a woman to the side. Ladies first, punk!

The Amazing Race premieres Sunday, Sept. 27 at 8PM ET. Is it Sept. 27 yet???

Fall TV Preview ‘09: I Pick the Hits!

I work in TV, so I’m pretty much an expert on this. Here are my top 3 NEW SHOWS premiering this fall:

Glee—Okay, this is not a new show because Fox already showed the pilot episode this spring. I love the cast, the music, the dry humor. I love the glee club teacher and even his crazy wife. I love that Fox remembered Asian people exist and cast an Asian in a sort-of prominent role. I’ll take what I can get. (Premieres Wednesday, Sept. 9 at 9PM ET)

Modern Family—This and Glee are tied for the shows I’m looking forward to most. I saw the pilot for this one too, and it was hysterical. All three families are unique and funny. I can’t believe Ed O’Neill is now old. I used to watch Married…with Children all the time. And I really like Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I gave up on his show The Class on CBS (which got canceled anyway), but I promise to be a devoted viewer this time around, JTF! (Premieres Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 9PM ET)

The Beautiful Life: TBL/Melrose Place—I’m torn on this one. They’re probably going to be the same show anyway. Rich white kids sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and making a mess of their lives. The Beautiful Life has been panned by critics left and right, and I can’t stand Mischa Barton. Yet, I love modeling shows like ANTM and Project Runway, so I’m looking forward to this one even though I have no idea what it’ll be like. Melrose Place has gotten good reviews, but I’m afraid it’ll go the way of the 90210 reboot and be extremely boring. I hope I'm wrong. I used to watch the original MP (but not 90210) and I remember Sydney and Michael and the gang. Maybe Allison and Billy Shue (I forget his character’s name) will show up. (TBL premieres Wednesday, Sept. 16 at 9PM ET--hey, why are all the good shows on Wednesdays at 9P?--and MP premieres Tuesday, Sept. 8 at 9PM ET)

Here are my top 3 RETURNING SHOWS this fall:

Where to start??? I watch everything. Except for Fox sitcoms.

Private Practice—Last season, this show had its dull moments, moments that made me bawl, and moments that had me screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” at the TV (always a sign of good, engaging television). But the season finale, with poor Violet about to be cut open so the crazy woman could take her baby, that had me on the edge of my sofa gripping my fiancé and shielding my eyes. I cannot WAIT to find out what happens! (Premieres Thursday, Oct. 1 at 10PM ET)

The Amazing Race—With the exception of the Family Edition (how boring was that? I didn’t even make it through two episodes), this show is one of the most entertaining week after week, without fail. That is impossible to do for most scripted series (with the exception of my third selection, below), because they always hit a lull point where they focus on characters you don’t care about, or a case you don’t understand (the CSIs and Law & Orders are guilty of this). With The Amazing Race, you know exactly what you’re getting every week—cool competitions, fights between teams, and Phil. I love Phil. He is one of my Old Man crushes (along with Charlie Gibson and Anderson Cooper). One of the best moments of last season was when he explained that the teams had to run around town in their underwear and WHAMMO! the camera pulled back and PHIL WAS IN HIS UNDERWEAR!!! (Premieres Sunday, Sept. 27 at 8PM ET)

Chuck—I’m calmer now. Okay. Chuck. I have his poster on my wall. He’s cute, goofy, and there is absolutely nothing to dislike about the guy. Nothing. I can’t think of a single thing. Also—and this is extremely rare of a TV show—I love every single one of the characters. Sarah. Morgan. Captain and Mrs. Awesome. His boss. Jeffster. Casey!!! I laugh out loud each and every time Casey growls (if you watch the show, you’ll know what I mean). Probably one of the funniest and most exciting shows on TV that also manages to move you emotionally. It does zip in the ratings, and I don’t know anyone personally who watches this show (other than my fiancé, who really likes it), so I’m pretty sure it will get canceled soon. My favorite shows always get canceled. (Premiere date is TBA. NBC said it would air after the Winter Olympics, in March, or during the summer. The SUMMER. Please don't do that to me, NBC.)