Network Upfronts 2010: Pickups, Cancelations And Renewals, Oh My!

With the network upfronts next week, TV news is coming faster than I can post it, so I'll just run through a quick few things that stick out in my mind:

-Chuck has been renewed for a 4th season. Hooray! Subway sandwiches for all!

-V has also been renewed for a 2nd season. I can't believe I'm saying this, but...hooray again! The show has actually been getting good. Almost good enough for me to watch a whole episode while not reading Entertainment Weekly/working on my 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.

-FlashForward has been canceled. Thanks for nothing, Joseph Fiennes! I said it once, and I'll say it again: John Cho should've been the lead. Then the show might've had a shred of a chance. Sorry, Penny Widmore.

-NBC's Rockford Files remake is DOA. Thank you, there must be a television god who doesn't like remakes either. Now, about that Hawaii Five-O...

-CBS ordered its first new show for fall: Mike & Molly. It's a sitcom about a chubby married couple. Sookie from Gilmore Girls is playing Molly. Hey, can we get Michel a show? He was pretty awesome.

-The Wanda Sykes Show has been canceled, giving network execs another excuse to say a late-night show starring a person of color will not work. Dang it! Wanda, you're one of the funniest ladies around. Fox's loss.

-The original Law & Order has been canceled. No wait, it hasn't. Wait, it definitely has. Actually, there might be a chance that it won't be. Eh, does anybody under the age of 87 really care?

***UPDATE***

Law & Order is officially done. But not to fear--NBC just ordered Law & Order: Los Angeles. I'm still waiting for Law & Order: Newark.

More to come as I hear about it...

24: Can Something Exciting Please Happen?

Previously on 24...

Yeah, I don't know what happened either. I was so bored within the first minute, I picked up the latest Entertainment Weekly. Did you know about the astounding number of books out there that are about fat women, but they all feature Skinny Minnies on the cover? Yeah, it's totally bogus. See: Every single Jennifer Weiner novel.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The latest episode of 24. From the snippets I caught in between reading EW and feeding my cat Rocky Road ice cream (chocolate is bad for cats, I know, but she loves it), I learned that Freddie Prinze Jr. has the heart of a felon, Farhad is still a wuss, and the Fox 5 Ten O'Clock News comes on at 1AM in the world of 24. Ernie Anastos, it's the middle of the night, but keep f**king that chicken!

Honestly, what happened to 24 this season?

A few theories:

1) Too many characters. I can't keep all the bad guys straight. Is it the Russians? The Middle Easterners? Which Middle Easterners? And what is Dana's ex's connection to all this? Do I even care?

2) Not enough Jack and Chloe. And when we do get Jack, he's...practically sane, and when we get a quick shot of Chloe, she's scowling 90% of the time. I'm tired of that Chloe scowl. Can we get a sister some lines?

3) The country of IRK. I don't know what IRK stands for (something something Kamistan), and I’m wondering if the person who came up with that knew what he was doing. But my question is this: Why does the show sometimes make up country names (IRK, Sangala) and sometimes use real ones (China, Russia)?

4) The lack of super awesome villains. Remember President Logan? Nina Myers? Heck, even Chuck Bartowski made a more intimidating (not to mention entertaining) bad guy on last night's Chuck.

So yeah. Next week, I'll be tuning in to 24 as I always do, but I don't know if my heart's in it anymore.

The Chucks They Are A-Changin'.

Last night, we saw a new Chuck.

I don't mean a new episode of Chuck. I mean a different Chuck. I can't explain what it was exactly that suddenly switched in the character, but all of a sudden, the goofy, insecure, excitable Chuck we've come to know and love was replaced by a colder, smoother Chuck. A Chuck who "burned an asset" and had no qualms about it. A Chuck who lied to his sister's face and barely blinked an eye.

Yes, this is season 3, and he can't stay the same guy forever.

But still.

I miss the old Chuck.

Big Love: Are The Opening Credits Better Than The Show? Debatable.

Last night, I watched the second episode of this season's Big Love. This puts me almost a quarter of the way through the season (here's why), and I still don't know what's going on. Too many storylines, too many new characters, and not enough of Bill's crazy mom.

But what I do know is that I LOVE the new opening credits.

Check it out on YouTube sometime. It's been compared to Mad Men's opener, with the lead character falling through space. But unlike Mad Men's opener, Big Love's isn't animated. Set to the song "Home" by Engineers, it features Bill and his three wives falling through black space, sometimes in slow motion, and sometimes suspended in mid-air.

It is haunting. Captivating. And absolutely gorgeous. I've seen it twice, and both times, I couldn’t tear my eyes off it.

The old theme, which featured Bill and his wives ice-skating and the ice cracking between them, was set to The Beach Boys' "God Only Knows." It, too, was terrific.

Seeing the new opener got me thinking about theme songs and opening credits in general. Chuck's is really fun, and I watch it all the way through each time. Mad Men's music draws you in, and the art/graphics are neat. I also love Dexter's, even though I can't watch the part where he gets bitten by a mosquito, and the part where he nicks himself shaving.

I can never watch people shave on TV. Too traumatic.

On the other end of the theme song spectrum, you have songs that go on foreverrrrr. You could probably take a shower and blow-dry your hair in the time it takes for the Family Guy theme to play through. Then there's Survivor, with all that tribal chanting...gahhh.

The latest theme song abomination I've discovered is Damages. Great show, but horrible theme. It's some guy mumbling, "When I am through with you...there won't be anything left..when I am through with you." He also mumbles some other things but they are incomprehensible. The singing is combined with bleak shots of NYC sculptures and architecture I've never seen, and I've lived here all my life. Yeah. Come visit New York!

I recently read an article saying that these days, traditional opening credits are getting supershort, even disappearing altogether. I hope not (unless your name is Survivor). Openers can be done well, and Big Love has proven it--twice.

24: Grow A Spine, Starbuck!

I know this is going to make me sound insane, but I am one of those people who talks to her TV when something frustrates her or something crazy happens. To my credit, my fiance is usually in the room with me, so theoretically, you could say I am...uh...running my ideas past him, which makes me not as crazy. But yeah. I yell at my TV.

I was yelling last night during Chuck when he got inside the coffin with the dead guy and closed the lid...and you could still see everything inside the coffin. I went ballistic.

Me: How can you still see everything? It should be pitch-black!

Fiance: Well, he has his cell phone out, so maybe it's lighting up--

Me: NO! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Yeah.

I was yelling again during 24. I didn't mention this in my last 24 post, but Starbuck (it's a better name than Dana Walsh/Jenny Scott or whatever her character's real name is) drives me crazy with her hair over her left shoulder. In every single second of every episode so far (five hours and counting), she has had her blond hair over that same shoulder. It never leaves that position. Not when she turns her head, not when she gets up and walks around, and drives across town. Hair. Still. Over. Shoulder.

Speaking of driving across town, why is she still hanging around that Ricky Gervais-lookalike bad guy? First of all, when he found her cell number and called, she should've pretended it was a wrong number and hung up. Then she should've ignored every subsequent call from him. Then when he came to visit her, SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE GONE DOWNSTAIRS. Now he knows a) she dyed her hair (which defeats the purpose of dyeing her hair) and b) she's still scared of him. Also, she should not have removed her engagement ring before seeing him. Because not five minutes later, she gives him the keys to her apartment (WHY???)...where she has tons of pictures everywhere of her and her fiance. And then when he calls her up and demands an explanation, she comes right out and admits she's engaged.

I won't even go into the fact that she promises him a six-figure sum to make him go away. After he smacks her around. Girl needs to grow a pair. Also, she has the government's resources at her beck and call. She could make him "disappear" quite easily. So why doesn't she?

Hey, even Hugh Grant joked about doing just such a thing on Love Actually, and he was the prime minister.

So yeah, I am annoyed at Starbuck and all her secret past/criminal ex-boyfriend drama. I'm not sure how (or if) it'll connect to the larger terrorism plot, and frankly, I don't care. The 24 writers set us up to dislike her from the start--she's weak, she's condescending to Chloe, and she's Hastings' pet. Now all of a sudden we're supposed to care about her? As she grows progressively spineless and shirks her job to tend to her psycho boyfriend? Freddie Prinze, Jr., you deserve better.

And speaking of Freddie, where was he last night? I missed him. Hey, 24 writers: Less Starbuck and more Freddie, please!

Last point: How on earth did Chloe miss that other car leaving the parking lot after Jack? It's not like her to be so careless. Far as I'm concerned, Chloe has eyes on the back of her head and on the sides of her face. She can monitor six video screens at once while conferencing in Field Ops and uploading schematics to Jack and making a cup of coffee, cream and two sugars, please. So why are the 24 writers making Chloe look so sloppy and slow this season? Blah.

Okay. Enough ranting. For now, anyway.

I Spy...The Best Show You're Not Watching.

There are certain shows out there that people live and die by. Ask people who watch Friday Night Lights, and they will swear it's the best show on television, why aren't you watching it, it deserves a bazillion Emmys and Golden Globes, and on and on.

I have the same question about Chuck. The spy dramedy premiered last night, and boy, have I missed it. I even missed things I had forgotten about. Like the theme song. It's catchy, and it suits the show. I also missed Zachary Levi's eye roll that precedes his flashes. I missed his hilarious panicky throwaway lines. I missed the wacky Buy More gang. Especially Anna, who is no longer on the show. I missed Casey most of all. He can steal the scene with a single grimace.

The thing I don't understand about non-Chuck viewers is WHY. Why aren't you watching this show? It has action. Romance. Humor. A diverse cast. Snappy dialogue. Nerdy pop culture references. Relateable, loveable characters. It never slows down. Anyone can get into it at any point--there's no extensive backstory, no complicated plotpoints.

More than anything, Chuck is consistently funny and consistently entertaining. Few shows can boast this quality. Even Glee has its irksome moments (I'm looking at you, scenes featuring Terri and her sister). NBC's primetime schedule may be a huge fiasco right now, but it has this one saving grace. So readers, I ask you: Watch this show and tell everyone about it. If for no other reason than we won't have 5 nights of Jay Leno again.

10 TV Wishes for 2010.

A friend, hearing my cry for something new to watch in the wasteland of reruns, recommended I try Damages. I'd always heard good things about it, but for some reason, just never gave it a shot. So I'm downloading the first two episodes now.

In the meantime, since today is the last day of 2009, I'm going to share my TV wishes for 2010.

1) Chuck gains a bigger audience. This will not happen. Look, people know it exists, they just choose not to watch. Sort of like with Friday Night Lights.

2) Ugly Betty gains a foothold on Wednesdays at 10PM. This probably will not happen either. I don't think all the fans who left just because the show moved to Fridays will suddenly come back. I know if I give up on a show, I give up for good.

3) The return of Wentworth Miller. I gave up on Prison Break after season 2, yes. But that wasn't me taking Wentworth for granted. That was me refusing to watch a show as it got more and more absurd.

4) A TV show starring a non-white person/family. I know what you're thinking. And no, The Cleveland Show does not count. It's a CARTOON.

5) Speaking of diversity, I would like for Tina C. to sing another solo on Glee. I didn't love her attempt at Tonight from West Side Story, but her rendition of True Colors is beautiful (like a rainbow). It's uplifting, it's moving, it's well done. I may or may not have shed a tear when it first came up on my Pandora.

6) The cancellation of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. This will not happen, because The Bachelor is a very popular franchise. Even though it is, in fact, a cancerous mole on the face of television.

7) No more TV remakes of shows from before I was born. Sadly, the three major networks are charging ahead with The Rockford Files (NBC), Charlie's Angels (ABC) and Hawaii Five-O (CBS). I'm putting myself to sleep just typing those titles.

8) More likeable/memorable contestants on The Amazing Race and Survivor. I hated this season's final four teams on TAR and I didn't know anyone's name except Evil Russell's and Shambo's on Survivor: Samoa. This wish may actually come true: Big Brother's Jeff & Jordan are rumored to be in the next TAR, and the next Survivor is an all-star edition and Evil Russell's in it. Let's hope he takes home the money this time around.

9) No more lawyer/doctor dramas. Unfortunately, ABC has The Deep End (lawyer) coming up, and CBS has Miami Trauma (doctor). I'm not watching these. I'm guessing you won't either.

10) More crazy, jaw-dropping moments like the lawn mower incident on Mad Men and Rita in the bathtub on Dexter and the entire Wentworth Miller episode of Law & Order: SVU. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to watch a show and suddenly go HOLY CRAP DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???

And that's a wrap! What are your TV wishes for 2010?

Chuck: How Do I Miss Thee? Well, For One Thing, I'm Dreaming About Scott Bakula.

This is how much I miss Chuck.

Last night, I dreamt I got a Chuck script emailed to me in advance of the show's premiere in January. There were at least four lines in it that made me laugh my head off. One of them involved Ocean's Eleven. I wish I could remember what that line was. Anyway, in the dream, I thought, "Wow, this show is so GREAT. People don't know what they're missing."

Then I got to watch a preview of the show, and there was a scene with Scott Bakula. This is how much I miss Chuck--Scott friggin' BAKULA shows up in my dreams.

Chuck has a special two-hour premiere on Sunday, January 10 from 9-11PM ET. If you're not watching, there is no way your life is complete.

Chuck! Soon!

I just read on www.ew.com (the website of my favorite magazine, Entertainment Weekly), that CHUCK might be back as early as late October.

Uh.

Heart palpitating.

It's October NOW.

Holy crap!

Chuck could be on my TV as soon as two weeks!

This may or may not be related to the cancellation of Southland. Sorry, Benjamin McKenzie, but here is what Chuck has going and Southland didn't:

-Excellent camera work. And by excellent I mean the camera wasn't handheld and wobbly and made me nauseous. I get that the handheld aspect was supposed to enhance the feeling of immediacy, of being RIGHT THERE with the action. But then your show used a handheld on the HOOD OF THE CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY looking through the dashboard at the two cops. Um, people don't actually need to feel immediacy all the time. When I watched that, I felt like I was gripping the hood of the car for dear life. Not a good feeling.

-Zachary Levi. He's comedic and romantic and dramatic. Ben McKenzie is brooding. And brooding. And sometimes extra-brooding.

-Humor and brevity. Chuck features guns and bombs and TONS of action. But it is also one of the funniest shows on TV. Southland, from what I've read, was canceled because of its "dark nature." Hey, I love a dark show. Dexter. Law & Order: SVU. But Southland, from what I saw, had zero sunshine, despite a) two of its leads being blond and b) taking place in a, um, very sunshine-y state.

-Diversity. Chuck features an Indian guy, a weirdo guy, a Chinese chick, a black man, and yes, they are all very much a part of the show (unlike Tina C. on Glee, but that's another conversation) and have very funny and relevant storylines. Southland featured a mostly white police force chasing after black drug dealers. 'Nuff said.

Maybe the sudden consideration to bring back Chuck this month had nothing to do with the axing of Southland. I really hope it didn't, because Southland was supposed to air on Friday nights, and I do NOT NOT NOT want to see Chuck ANYWHERE on the Friday night schedule. That's the kiss of death. Listen, NBC, if you have any hope for Chuck (and I know you do, because you have not canceled the darn show despite its unfortunately low ratings), PLEASE put it somewhere good. And somewhere it won't get killed. I suggest Wednesdays at 8PM.

You're welcome, NBC.

Fall TV Preview ‘09: I Pick the Hits!

I work in TV, so I’m pretty much an expert on this. Here are my top 3 NEW SHOWS premiering this fall:

Glee—Okay, this is not a new show because Fox already showed the pilot episode this spring. I love the cast, the music, the dry humor. I love the glee club teacher and even his crazy wife. I love that Fox remembered Asian people exist and cast an Asian in a sort-of prominent role. I’ll take what I can get. (Premieres Wednesday, Sept. 9 at 9PM ET)

Modern Family—This and Glee are tied for the shows I’m looking forward to most. I saw the pilot for this one too, and it was hysterical. All three families are unique and funny. I can’t believe Ed O’Neill is now old. I used to watch Married…with Children all the time. And I really like Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I gave up on his show The Class on CBS (which got canceled anyway), but I promise to be a devoted viewer this time around, JTF! (Premieres Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 9PM ET)

The Beautiful Life: TBL/Melrose Place—I’m torn on this one. They’re probably going to be the same show anyway. Rich white kids sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and making a mess of their lives. The Beautiful Life has been panned by critics left and right, and I can’t stand Mischa Barton. Yet, I love modeling shows like ANTM and Project Runway, so I’m looking forward to this one even though I have no idea what it’ll be like. Melrose Place has gotten good reviews, but I’m afraid it’ll go the way of the 90210 reboot and be extremely boring. I hope I'm wrong. I used to watch the original MP (but not 90210) and I remember Sydney and Michael and the gang. Maybe Allison and Billy Shue (I forget his character’s name) will show up. (TBL premieres Wednesday, Sept. 16 at 9PM ET--hey, why are all the good shows on Wednesdays at 9P?--and MP premieres Tuesday, Sept. 8 at 9PM ET)

Here are my top 3 RETURNING SHOWS this fall:

Where to start??? I watch everything. Except for Fox sitcoms.

Private Practice—Last season, this show had its dull moments, moments that made me bawl, and moments that had me screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” at the TV (always a sign of good, engaging television). But the season finale, with poor Violet about to be cut open so the crazy woman could take her baby, that had me on the edge of my sofa gripping my fiancé and shielding my eyes. I cannot WAIT to find out what happens! (Premieres Thursday, Oct. 1 at 10PM ET)

The Amazing Race—With the exception of the Family Edition (how boring was that? I didn’t even make it through two episodes), this show is one of the most entertaining week after week, without fail. That is impossible to do for most scripted series (with the exception of my third selection, below), because they always hit a lull point where they focus on characters you don’t care about, or a case you don’t understand (the CSIs and Law & Orders are guilty of this). With The Amazing Race, you know exactly what you’re getting every week—cool competitions, fights between teams, and Phil. I love Phil. He is one of my Old Man crushes (along with Charlie Gibson and Anderson Cooper). One of the best moments of last season was when he explained that the teams had to run around town in their underwear and WHAMMO! the camera pulled back and PHIL WAS IN HIS UNDERWEAR!!! (Premieres Sunday, Sept. 27 at 8PM ET)

Chuck—I’m calmer now. Okay. Chuck. I have his poster on my wall. He’s cute, goofy, and there is absolutely nothing to dislike about the guy. Nothing. I can’t think of a single thing. Also—and this is extremely rare of a TV show—I love every single one of the characters. Sarah. Morgan. Captain and Mrs. Awesome. His boss. Jeffster. Casey!!! I laugh out loud each and every time Casey growls (if you watch the show, you’ll know what I mean). Probably one of the funniest and most exciting shows on TV that also manages to move you emotionally. It does zip in the ratings, and I don’t know anyone personally who watches this show (other than my fiancé, who really likes it), so I’m pretty sure it will get canceled soon. My favorite shows always get canceled. (Premiere date is TBA. NBC said it would air after the Winter Olympics, in March, or during the summer. The SUMMER. Please don't do that to me, NBC.)