Doctor Who: I Need a Translator for English.

Yesterday was Christmas, and the fiance and I watched two things: The Proposal (my pick, and it was like watching a 2009 version of While You Were Sleeping) and the latest episode of Doctor Who (his pick).

Doctor Who, for those not in the know, is a British show about a guy who gets in his blue police booth and travels through time. He goes to the past and the future. I don't really know what the purpose of his travels is, since according to my fiance, who has seen every episode, the Doctor is not allowed to interfere with history (or the future, for that matter).

Basically, here is what happens in a typical episode: Something starts to happen somewhere in time. The Doctor shows up. Interacts with the locals. Figures out where he is in time and realizes something terrible's about to happen. Tells the locals, Sorry, you're screwed. Locals say, But you've got to help us. Doctor says, Nope, can't do it. Hasta luego.

And that's the episode.

As you can tell, I'm not too fond of this show. But not because of the pointless premise. Not because of David Tennant's annoying eyebrows. No, I don't like this show for one simple reason: I cannot understand what these people are saying.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, They speak English, you speak English. What's not to understand?

Well, for me, listening to a British accent, I understand MOST of what is said, but with the accent, plus all the British turns-of-phrase and idioms, I still miss about 20%. Imagine, if you will, every fifth word in the Pledge of Allegiance replaced: I pledge allegiance to Poconos flag of the United coffee of America. And to boomerang republic for which it consideration one nation under God, macaroni, with libery and justice potatoes all.

In other words, watching an episode of Doctor Who is like going into battle with your gun only 80% loaded. Your tank just 80% filled. Your brain just 80% conscious.

Sorry, Brits. But I'll be sticking to American TV. Unless I can get some subtitles.