Person of Interest (Thursdays at 9PM): Stars Jim Caviezel and Benjamin Linus from Lost. Benjamin plays a rich guy who teams up with Jim to prevent violent crime. The show looks like it takes place in NYC. Thanks for making my hometown look so bleak and violent, CBS! This show is definitely not my cup of tea, but it'll definitely find a home among CBS viewers. Grade: B-.
A Gifted Man (Fridays at 8PM): The Doctor Whisperer. It's about a doc whose ex-girlfriend died and is now haunting him as a ghost. The ex wants him to help her do something, but I'm not sure what. Something involving finding files on her computer. Zzz. The doc thinks he's going crazy, but he falls in love with her anyway. I think this ghost is selfish for doing this. Really, ghost? You can't let this guy move on with his life? But since there's a pretty cast, and a sad love story, people just may watch. Grade: C.
2 Broke Girls (Mondays at 830PM): I'm starting to see a trend here. Wait, it's not a trend if it's always been the case. But basically, this is the third straight pilot starring all white people. C'mon, CBS! Anyway. This comedy, aside from having a terrible title, looks boring. It's about a poor girl (Kat Dennings, wearing way too much makeup, as usual) and a rich girl (some blonde) who ends up losing her trust fund or something so she's stuck working as a waitress alongside the poor girl. The rich girl has been sleeping on the subway, so the poor girl feels sorry for her and invites her to live in her apartment. So they move in together. It's rich meets poor, blue collar meets fur collar (I came up with that one myself! on the fly!), yada yada, someone shoot me now. Grade: D.
How to be a Gentleman (Thursdays at 830PM): Another comedy, this time starring two men. One writes a magazine column called, you guessed it, "How to be a Gentleman," and the other is a total buffoon. The columnist is over-the-top when it comes to manners, so he's socially awkward. Think the most British guy you can think of, only without the charm and the accent but with the sport jackets and plaid shirts. The buffoon is played by, naturally, Kevin Dillon. Chloe from 24 is in this show. Another one I'll be passing on, but I'm sure people will watch. Grade: B.
Unforgettable (Tuesdays at 10PM): Well, at least I learned a new word: Hyperthymesia, the medical condition whereby people remember every. single. detail. Only 6 people in this country have it. At least that's what CBS tells us, anyway. This show is about a woman who has it, and she's a cop, and she solves crimes with her ex using this ability. She can remember everything, but she cannot remember what happened the day her sister died. Could be interesting. Reminds me of Medium. Grade: B-.
And coming midseason...
Live to Dance: The Paula Abdul dance show we've all been hearing about. Just what America needs, another show about dancing. I am too lazy most days to even leave the apartment, so even watching this show will exhaust me. Grade: D.
Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior: Forest Whitaker, Janeane Garofalo. Police fighting crimes, solving mysteries. No originality whatsoever. But also no reason it won't do well on CBS. Grade: B-.
The 2-2: Follows six NYPD rookies as they patrol the gritty streets of upper Manhattan. Which gritty streets? Harlem? Fort Washington? That super-sketchy block by Lincoln Center? Stars Leelee Sobieski. Zzz. Grade: D.
CBS, I am surprised at you. More of the same old crime procedurals, and even a Ghost Whisperer redux. What gives? The only one with any stand-out potential is How to be a Gentleman, and I'm not even watching that one. How about a little friendly advice: Don't bother with any of these new shows, just save your money and use it to convince the casts of The Good Wife and The Big Bang Theory to make five episodes a week each. You're welcome.
(Pictured: The stars of 2 Broke Girls. Their expressions sums up my thoughts on the entire CBS new fall lineup.)