Network Upfronts 2010: Holy Scheduling Changes, CBS!

Man, it's been busy lately. On Wednesday, I went to the CBS upfront (my last one! sob) and yesterday, I went to the CW one (my first and last). More on the CW upfront in the next post.

The thing that CBS is known for is stability. It rarely changes its schedule. But this year, CBS is making huge, huge moves.

The two that stick out the most are 1) the move of CSI: Miami to Sunday nights at 10PM and 2) the move of Survivor to Wednesdays at 8PM. I know Survivor USED to air on a Wednesday, but as far as I'm concerned, Survivor and Thursdays are synonymous. This will take some getting used to. Or not, since I won't be watching any TV this fall (but I will be downloading everything to watch in December). And what will Monday nights be without Horatio and his sunglasses?

The other huge moves are CSI: NY on Friday nights (in other words...R.I.P. CSI: NY) and a comedy hour on Thursday nights where Survivor used to be. I'm not sure why CBS felt the need to switch their Wednesday comedy hour with Survivor. But I'm sure Nina Tassler has her reasons.

Without further ado, here are CBS's new fall shows:

Mike & Molly (Mondays at 930PM)--Sookie from Gilmore Girls and some bald dude play an adorable overweight couple who meet at Overeaters Anonymous. Sookie is a fourth-grade teacher and Mike is a cop. Their scenes together are funny and sweet. Did I mention they are adorable? I see real potential here. Grade: B+.

Hawaii Five-O (Mondays at 10PM)--CBS is replacing one sexy, sun-drenched show with another. I guess that's okay. Hawaii Five-O stars showkiller Alex O'Loughlin and consistent Daniel Dae Kim. And Grace Park from Battlestar Galactica and some dude who plays Danno. I never saw the original--it was before my time--but the theme song was familiar to me. All in all, the preview was forgettable, and I still don't understand the appeal of O'Loughlin. Grade: C-.

The Defenders (Wednesdays at 10PM)--According to Jim and Jerry O'Connell star as Las Vegas defense attorneys. O'Connell's character is such a cliche--he's described as someone "whose passion for the law is matched only by his love of fast cars, beautiful women and expensive clothes," barf. The plot bores me to tears, mostly because there IS no plot, it's just about lawyers who are buddies. Whoop-de-doo. Grade: F.

$#*! My Dad Says (Thursdays at 830PM)--Pronounced "Bleep My Dad Says." The PTC is pissed and wants everybody to boycott this show. That alone is reason to love it. Also, I subscribed to the Twitter feed way back when so I was already on board with the concept. And the third reason to watch? William Shatner as the dad. He's curmudgeonly, yet endearing. Everything he says is comic gold. Grade: A-.

By the way, here is what the PTC president, Tim Winter, had to say: "CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public." What's with this "intentionally"? IT'S THE FRIGGIN NAME OF THE TWITTER FEED UPON WHICH THE SHOW IS BASED. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

Blue Bloods (Fridays at 10PM)--New York City cops. Aren't there enough shows about them? No? Okay. Blue Bloods is headlined by Jesse Stone himself, Tom Selleck. He's the family patriarch and all his kids are in law enforcement. One (Donnie Wahlberg) is a crooked cop (not a cliche at all), one (Will Estes) is a rookie officer who graduated Harvard Law but decided he'd rather be a cop, and the other (Bridget Moynahan) is an ADA. Oh, and Tom Selleck's dad used to be a cop, too. The preview looked okay, but too dark for me. Grade: B-.

Criminal Minds spinoff (Midseason, TBA)--Forest Whitaker stars. This show has been in the making for more than a year now, and they still don't have a title for it. How about Criminal Minds: Same Show, Different Cast? Yep, that'd work. Grade: B.

The CBS upfront had a LOT of stars in the audience. We saw Neil Patrick Harris, LL Cool J, Chris O'Donnell, the cast of The Big Bang Theory, and the cast of Hawaii Five-O, just to name a few. By the way, I sat about 10 rows behind Daniel Dae Kim. The man wore a white sport jacket and he looked stunning. For me, seeing him was the highlight of the whole thing. Long live Jin!

(Pictured: Daniel Dae Kim. The most beautiful thing to happen to CBS.)

10 TV Wishes for 2010.

A friend, hearing my cry for something new to watch in the wasteland of reruns, recommended I try Damages. I'd always heard good things about it, but for some reason, just never gave it a shot. So I'm downloading the first two episodes now.

In the meantime, since today is the last day of 2009, I'm going to share my TV wishes for 2010.

1) Chuck gains a bigger audience. This will not happen. Look, people know it exists, they just choose not to watch. Sort of like with Friday Night Lights.

2) Ugly Betty gains a foothold on Wednesdays at 10PM. This probably will not happen either. I don't think all the fans who left just because the show moved to Fridays will suddenly come back. I know if I give up on a show, I give up for good.

3) The return of Wentworth Miller. I gave up on Prison Break after season 2, yes. But that wasn't me taking Wentworth for granted. That was me refusing to watch a show as it got more and more absurd.

4) A TV show starring a non-white person/family. I know what you're thinking. And no, The Cleveland Show does not count. It's a CARTOON.

5) Speaking of diversity, I would like for Tina C. to sing another solo on Glee. I didn't love her attempt at Tonight from West Side Story, but her rendition of True Colors is beautiful (like a rainbow). It's uplifting, it's moving, it's well done. I may or may not have shed a tear when it first came up on my Pandora.

6) The cancellation of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. This will not happen, because The Bachelor is a very popular franchise. Even though it is, in fact, a cancerous mole on the face of television.

7) No more TV remakes of shows from before I was born. Sadly, the three major networks are charging ahead with The Rockford Files (NBC), Charlie's Angels (ABC) and Hawaii Five-O (CBS). I'm putting myself to sleep just typing those titles.

8) More likeable/memorable contestants on The Amazing Race and Survivor. I hated this season's final four teams on TAR and I didn't know anyone's name except Evil Russell's and Shambo's on Survivor: Samoa. This wish may actually come true: Big Brother's Jeff & Jordan are rumored to be in the next TAR, and the next Survivor is an all-star edition and Evil Russell's in it. Let's hope he takes home the money this time around.

9) No more lawyer/doctor dramas. Unfortunately, ABC has The Deep End (lawyer) coming up, and CBS has Miami Trauma (doctor). I'm not watching these. I'm guessing you won't either.

10) More crazy, jaw-dropping moments like the lawn mower incident on Mad Men and Rita in the bathtub on Dexter and the entire Wentworth Miller episode of Law & Order: SVU. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to watch a show and suddenly go HOLY CRAP DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???

And that's a wrap! What are your TV wishes for 2010?