Random Stuff People Google To Find My Site.

Just for giggles (and because I didn't watch anything worth writing about last night), here are some of the most popular phrases people Google to find this blog.

"kent avenido filipino"

This is THE MOST popular phrase that links to my site. It seems the entire Philippine nation loves Howard Bamboo. Glee writers, are you taking note?

"america's next top model jennifer lazy eye"

This is another biggie. I don't know why people are still Googling her. Jennifer, if you're reading this, know that there are tons of people out there still thinking about you.

"courteney cox 40 is the new 20"

Believe it or not, I am the #1 link if you Google that phrase. Hollaaa. Also, a lot of people misspell Courteney.

"bachelor diversity white"

I am the #1 link here, too! Hey, ABC--I am not the only one tired of the same old, same old.

"what's on after the super bowl" With the big game on Sunday, I've gotten a lot of these lately. (Undercover Boss, you're welcome.) Hey CBS, you might want to do some marketing. Put up a poster or something. People have no clue.

There you have it. The random stuff people want to know about. By the way, Google, thanks for sending so many visitors my way!

TCA Press Tour: Part III.

This is the final entry on the TCA press tour, focusing on ABC, a network near and dear to me because I interned there twice.

Here are the highlights:

-My favorite half-hour comedy, Modern Family, was renewed for a second season, along with The Middle and Cougar Town. Huzzah for Phil Dunphy! Now all ABC needs is a new half-hour sitcom to fill that hole on Wednesday nights. Might I suggest a show that's not about an unattractive, balding, overweight old man with a hot young wife, or a show that's not about a gorgeous woman who, for some preposterous reason, can't land a guy (I'm looking at you, Alyssa Milano's Romantically Challenged!)?

-Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver (who has appeared on Oprah) is getting his own show on Friday nights. It's about getting America's fat and diabetic children to eat healthier. The show is called Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. Here's a revolutionary idea: Don't send your kids to McDonald's for school lunch. Starving them is so much more economical. I keed! I keed!

-Speaking of revolutions, ABC came up with the brilliant idea of spinning off The Bachelor into a new show called Bachelor Pad. It'll feature a bunch of old contestants from previous seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette living in a house together a la Big Brother. Uh, ABC, there's already a Big Brother. And it's awesome.

-Dancing with the Stars will return March 22. This time, instead of 62 contestants, they will have a mere 57. Again, I keed. They are actually only going to have 11 or 12 instead of the usual 16. And by 11 stars I mean 2 stars and 9 has-beens. Let's be real here, ABC.

Annnd that's a wrap!

10 TV Wishes for 2010.

A friend, hearing my cry for something new to watch in the wasteland of reruns, recommended I try Damages. I'd always heard good things about it, but for some reason, just never gave it a shot. So I'm downloading the first two episodes now.

In the meantime, since today is the last day of 2009, I'm going to share my TV wishes for 2010.

1) Chuck gains a bigger audience. This will not happen. Look, people know it exists, they just choose not to watch. Sort of like with Friday Night Lights.

2) Ugly Betty gains a foothold on Wednesdays at 10PM. This probably will not happen either. I don't think all the fans who left just because the show moved to Fridays will suddenly come back. I know if I give up on a show, I give up for good.

3) The return of Wentworth Miller. I gave up on Prison Break after season 2, yes. But that wasn't me taking Wentworth for granted. That was me refusing to watch a show as it got more and more absurd.

4) A TV show starring a non-white person/family. I know what you're thinking. And no, The Cleveland Show does not count. It's a CARTOON.

5) Speaking of diversity, I would like for Tina C. to sing another solo on Glee. I didn't love her attempt at Tonight from West Side Story, but her rendition of True Colors is beautiful (like a rainbow). It's uplifting, it's moving, it's well done. I may or may not have shed a tear when it first came up on my Pandora.

6) The cancellation of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. This will not happen, because The Bachelor is a very popular franchise. Even though it is, in fact, a cancerous mole on the face of television.

7) No more TV remakes of shows from before I was born. Sadly, the three major networks are charging ahead with The Rockford Files (NBC), Charlie's Angels (ABC) and Hawaii Five-O (CBS). I'm putting myself to sleep just typing those titles.

8) More likeable/memorable contestants on The Amazing Race and Survivor. I hated this season's final four teams on TAR and I didn't know anyone's name except Evil Russell's and Shambo's on Survivor: Samoa. This wish may actually come true: Big Brother's Jeff & Jordan are rumored to be in the next TAR, and the next Survivor is an all-star edition and Evil Russell's in it. Let's hope he takes home the money this time around.

9) No more lawyer/doctor dramas. Unfortunately, ABC has The Deep End (lawyer) coming up, and CBS has Miami Trauma (doctor). I'm not watching these. I'm guessing you won't either.

10) More crazy, jaw-dropping moments like the lawn mower incident on Mad Men and Rita in the bathtub on Dexter and the entire Wentworth Miller episode of Law & Order: SVU. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to watch a show and suddenly go HOLY CRAP DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???

And that's a wrap! What are your TV wishes for 2010?

ABC: Conveyor Belt of Crap.

My dear readers, I wish I didn't have to write this entry.

Oh, who am I kidding?! I love to skewer crappy shows!

So get a load of this latest masterpiece from ABC. It's called Conveyor Belt of Love. First of all, the name. I'll give you a minute to process the fact that it is actually someone's job to sit there and come up with a name like that.

Second, the premise: Five women are given the "opportunity" (quotes used on purpose) to pick from 30 guys who go by them one by one on a conveyor belt. If a woman likes a guy, she can pull him aside and watch as more guys go by. If she likes another guy, she can tell the first guy to beat it. And on and on, until all 30 men have gone by. If two women like the same dude, he can turn around and pick which woman he wants.

That is the stupidest concept I've ever heard.

Sadly, it's more than a concept at this point. It's a REALITY. ABC is scheduling it to air after The Bachelor premiere on January 4. I already blogged about how boring the latest Bachelor selection is, so I won't go into that again. I just wanted to warn you about this load of turd so you can happily avoid it and instead, watch a higher quality show, like Jersey Shore.

Thankfully, this is a one-time-only special. However, if it performs well in the ratings, ABC will make it into a series. This must not happen. It musn't!

Another White Bachelor. Where's the Diversity, ABC?

Google Jake Pavelka. Go ahead.

Who's he? Well, ABC picked him to be the next Bachelor. He's a handsome enough guy, nice smile, muscular arms. He was on The Bachelorette this summer with Jillian Harris. He didn't get picked, and now he's got his own show with his own bevy of women to choose from.

The objectification of women and the microscopic successful match rate in 13 seasons of The Bachelor and 5 of The Bachelorette are actually not my beef. I have only subjected myself to 4 or so seasons of this series, so I won't comment on the content. The show also does very well for ABC, so it's worth the space it takes up on the network, which is more than I can say for Hank.

No, my complaint about The Bachelor is that ONCE AGAIN, they have chosen a straight white guy.

What about the sexy black men? The Asian men? Latinos? And while we're at it, what about the Eskimos? The ratio of unmarried men to women in Alaska is the highest in the country (114 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women). Hook an Eskimo up!

And what about the gay men? As previously blogged, gay characters are on the rise on the broadcast networks, and they are a strong presence in reality shows. I don't know about you, but I would love to see a show full of hot men sitting around a Jacuzzi. So what if they're gay? They're still hot!

You would think that after 18 go-rounds of unsuccessfully pairing up white couples, ABC would decide to do something a little different. Just for giggles, as Jeff Foxworthy would say.

No, "different" doesn't always work--I'm looking at you, The Amazing Race: Family Edition. But what did TAR do after that abomination? Go back to the original format, win a bunch more Emmys, and continue to draw millions of viewers every week. No harm done.

So my plea to you, ABC, is for the 15th edition of The Bachelor, have a very special diversity edition. Have the Bachelor be a person of color. Have him be gay. Heck, have him be both. Have the women (or men) be of all different ethnic backgrounds. It would also be nice to see people with disabilities represented. Hello, this is America. Not Aryan Nation.

And then maybe, just maybe, I will start watching again.

Maybe.