TCA Press Tour: Part III.

This is the final entry on the TCA press tour, focusing on ABC, a network near and dear to me because I interned there twice.

Here are the highlights:

-My favorite half-hour comedy, Modern Family, was renewed for a second season, along with The Middle and Cougar Town. Huzzah for Phil Dunphy! Now all ABC needs is a new half-hour sitcom to fill that hole on Wednesday nights. Might I suggest a show that's not about an unattractive, balding, overweight old man with a hot young wife, or a show that's not about a gorgeous woman who, for some preposterous reason, can't land a guy (I'm looking at you, Alyssa Milano's Romantically Challenged!)?

-Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver (who has appeared on Oprah) is getting his own show on Friday nights. It's about getting America's fat and diabetic children to eat healthier. The show is called Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. Here's a revolutionary idea: Don't send your kids to McDonald's for school lunch. Starving them is so much more economical. I keed! I keed!

-Speaking of revolutions, ABC came up with the brilliant idea of spinning off The Bachelor into a new show called Bachelor Pad. It'll feature a bunch of old contestants from previous seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette living in a house together a la Big Brother. Uh, ABC, there's already a Big Brother. And it's awesome.

-Dancing with the Stars will return March 22. This time, instead of 62 contestants, they will have a mere 57. Again, I keed. They are actually only going to have 11 or 12 instead of the usual 16. And by 11 stars I mean 2 stars and 9 has-beens. Let's be real here, ABC.

Annnd that's a wrap!

TCA Press Tour: Part II.

The big news announced at Fox's TCA press tour was this:

Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol after this season.

He wants to start his own show, a U.S. version of the U.K. hit The X Factor, which Fox has picked up for fall 2011.

What is The X Factor, you ask? Think of it like America's Got Talent. It even has the Xes and everything. Recently, it birthed the career of Susan Boyle. But I'm not interested. American television does not need another America's Got Talent, even if it is produced and judged by Simon Cowell. I wouldn't even care if The X Factor featured monkeys juggling meatballs. I won't be watching.

The move is all well and good for Simon, but what about the rest of us? What about the fans who watch Idol just to see what Simon will say about the contestants? I don't know about you, but I think a panel of three nice judges will be quite the bore. Randy will call everyone dawg, Kara will grab the mic and start singing the songs herself, and Ellen will try to be their best friend.

Zzzzzzz.

I guess this spells the end of American Idol as we know it.

Other news from the TCA tour:

-Glee was picked up for a 2nd season! That's right, our favorite show will be back next fall!

-America's Most Wanted will celebrate is 1000th episode in March. I used to LOVE this show. John Walsh is the man. I never got to catch a criminal, though. Oh well.

-Bones will hit its 100th episode in April. I don't care.

-Fox will premiere a new show called Code 58 in May. This is the description, from executive producer Matt Nix:

"It's an action-comedy where we follow these two cops. So, in a sense, it's a procedural as they investigate usually routine crimes. They both, each for their own reasons, have been sort of banished to the worst jobs in the department. And every week they investigate a crime that can range from the theft of a small residential burglary to reorganizing evidence to dealing with a stolen car. On a week-to-week basis, it's about how that intersects with a much larger crime and how they end up sort of getting involved in something much bigger."

Wow, that could not sound more boring. I'd rather watch 1000 straight episodes of America's Most Wanted. Did I mention John Walsh is the man?

Stay tuned for news from ABC's press tour...

TCA Press Tour: Part I.

This weekend was the start of the semiannual Television Critics Association press tour, which is where lots of cool TV news is announced. I have no idea why the tour starts on a weekend, but whatever. Here's what's been announced so far for NBC:

-Howie Mandel is replacing David Hasselhoff as one of the judges on America's Got Talent. I don't care.

-NBC took my suggestion and is creating a new Law & Order series, set in Los Angeles. Wait, they already tried that. It was called Southland, and it got canceled. Well, a rose by another name just might work. At the very least, it'll get better ratings than The Jay Leno Show. Speaking of which...

-NBC will cancel the primetime edition of Leno and give him back his old 1130PM slot. February 12 (also yours truly's birthday) will be Leno's final night in primetime. After the Olympics are over, it'll be Leno at 1130, Conan at midnight, and Jimmy Fallon at 1AM. No idea what will happen to Carson Daly. I know what you're thinking: Carson Daly still has a show?!

-Friday Night Lights may return to NBC in March. You don't care, I don't care. Moving on.

Here's what's been announced for CBS:

-Three Rivers is officially canceled. No one's surprised, and no one's sad. Except maybe Alex O'Loughlin. Listen, CBS. I think it's time you retire that ole "Let's make Alex O'Loughlin a star" mantra. Seriously. Some people are meant to be headliners (ahem Simon Baker), and others are meant to be ensemble. The other thing I want to say is, when you cancel a show, call it what it is, don't call it "on hiatus." You know what's on hiatus? Glee. Don't put that in the same category as Three effing Rivers.

-Numb3rs and Medium may be coming back next year. Uh, heck yeah. They are doing just fine on Friday nights. Leave them alone.

That's it for now. Stay tuned for news on Fox (tomorrow) and ABC (Tuesday).