American Idol: The End Of An Era.

The American Idol finale is on right now, and I'm watching while typing this. Which is to say, I'm not really watching at all. Just half-listening.

I don't know what it is exactly. The fact that Crystal and Lee are similar in music style and taste? The fact that they're equally matched in stage presence, voice, and guitar skills? The fact that they are both likable and modest? The fact that Lee is probably going to win, so the suspense factor is sorely lacking?

It's probably all of the above, and then some. You know what else? The Simon Cowell factor. Tonight is the last we'll see of him on Idol, which means it'll also be the last time Idol does decent ratings, and it won't be long before a) Idol hires a serious game-changer as a judge, or b) Idol is canceled altogether.

I didn't think I'd be saying it just one year after 2009, the year Adam Lambert shook up Idol and made it a must-watch show every week. But the fact is, I think Idol's heyday is over.

Oh, and for the record: I'm rooting for Lee.

American Idol And Glee: This Picture Says It All.

A commenter who goes by Atheas recently shared a link to this picture, and I thought I'd give it its own entry because of what I (and untold thousands of Americans) experienced last night. Thanks, Atheas!

A Most Madgical Glee.

***UPDATE***

There will be another Madonna episode this fall! Rejoice!

Last night's Glee was the episode we had all looked forward to since, well, since they first announced they were doing it.

Madonna.

I can't think of any way to organize my thoughts (as evident in my previous Glee post), so let's just start by running through the musical numbers.

1) "Ray of Light," featuring cheerleaders dancing on stilts. Whaaa? It started off cool, then became totally awkward with the stilt action. Not the best way to start off such a highly anticipated episode.

2) "Express Yourself" was better, and I think we actually got to hear Santana sing solo for a whole lyric! Tina C. didn't get any solos though. Quinn looked like a young Madonna.

3) "Borderline/Open Your Heart." Playful and sweet. Loved it. I generally like the Rachel/Finn numbers, and this was no exception.

4) The "Vogue" video. Still terrific the 26th time around (I'm kind of obsessed). And now, with context! I'd wondered why only Kurt and Mercedes were in it. And why there were those knowing looks between them.

5) "Like A Virgin." My favorite of the night! The song played along to a video montage of Finn, Rachel and Emma about to do the deed for the very first time with Santana, Jessie and Will, respectively. The singing? Peppy and innocent. The video montage? Part sexy and part chaste. Not easy to do, but Glee pulled it off. This one was a winner from start to finish.

6) Kurt and Mercedes' "4 Minutes," with accompaniment from a marching band and featuring about a thousand McKinley High cheerleaders. Great number. Not my favorite Madonna song, but the Glee kids gave it an urgency and energy not found in the original (sorry, Madge).

...and here is where I turned off the TV. It was 10PM, a commercial came on, and I thought the show was over.

Lesson for life (or for as long as Glee's on TV, anyway): NEVER TURN OFF THE TV UNTIL THE CREDITS ROLL. Actually, for the purposes of this blog, this lesson can be shortened to NEVER TURN OFF THE TV.

So what did I miss? ONLY THE BIGGEST NUMBER OF THE WHOLE SHOW:

7) "Like A Prayer." Upon checking the song list online to write this post, I could not remember this song from last night, so I went and found it on YouTube. The number started off the way most Glee numbers start off, with Lea Michele standing alone under a spotlight. Then the rest of the cast joins her, and the curtains rise, and (goosebumps here) a whole friggin' choir appears and everyone is raising their arms to the heavens and Mercedes is belting it out and I think I have seen God.

Dear American Idol: Kill off two judges. Right now. I don't care which two. Four judges = four (let's face it) extraneous opinions = Glee gets pushed back = I miss the ending = I want to hurt somebody. But I just spent the last hour watching/listening to/writing about Glee, so I'm feeling giddy and smiley and I will not be able to hurt a fly for the next six hours and 47 minutes. After that, I'm coming for you, Randy Dawg.

Other random notes: I loved the reappearance of Lauren Potter, who has Down syndrome and plays Becky the cheerleader. Big ups to Becky! Also, I am tired of all the Will hair jokes. Every other line uttered by Sue in Will's presence was about his coif. Enough already.

Best quotes of the episode:

"Madonna. Simply saying the word aloud makes me feel powerful...even in voiceover." -Sue

"Mercedes is black and I'm gay. We make culture." -Kurt

"When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist." -Brittany

American Idol: It's Gotta Be The Pouf.

Last night, Andrew Garcia performed "Heard It Through the Grapevine" on American Idol. Right in the middle of the performance, my fiancé said thus:

"I think he's channeling...uh...what's his name..."

(I'm thinking, Marvin Gaye? Jason Mraz?)

"Kim Jong-Il."

American Idol: A Honky-Tonk Vote.

So last night, I voted for the very first time on an American Idol contestant this season. I know, I know, with my slavish devotion to the ousted John Park and redirected loyalty to Aaron Kelly, you would think that by now, I'd have voted at least once.

Nope. Try as I might, I could never bring myself to pick up the phone and call.

But something changed last night. Not only did I enjoy Paige Miles' version of "Honky Tonk Woman", but I realized something: Girlfriend is not long for this show.

The judges are "eh" about her. The blogosphere doesn't even talk about her. And yet, she might be the only female contestant left who sings songs people would actually buy. She's pop with a little soul and a little country. She reminds me a lot of Kelly Clarkson, actually. And not just because she sang her song a few weeks ago.

Sadly, I don't think Paige is long for this competition. Each week, she's on people's lists of elimination predictions. She's forgettable and I can't surmise anything about her personality.

But still. I really liked her song last night. And so as soon as the show ended, I picked up the phone to vote for her. I called about five times. And EVERY SINGLE TIME, I got through. I got so depressed that other people weren't voting for her, I stopped calling.

I hope I'm wrong about Paige going home soon. But if she leaves us tonight, at least we'll get to hear her sing "Honky Tonk Woman" again.

American Idol: A Sad Revelation.

I realized something this week: American Idol no longer excites me.

I don't know if it's the contestants, or the lack of talent, or what. But these days, AI is no longer appointment TV for me.

The front runners. I am so bored by them. I have NO PLANS to buy CDs from Lilly Scott or Siobhan Magnus or Crystal Bowersox. Sure, they were entertaining in the beginning, bringing something new and funky to the table. Now I'm over it. I want my freaking ballads back!

These three girls are so far out of the mainstream, they'll appeal only to niche fans. As for the guys, the current favorite seems to be Michael Lynche, who consistently gets positive feedback from the judges. I just see him going the way of Ruben Studdard. Big, lovable black man who sings really well, but has zero appeal beyond the show.

And now, thanks to myself, I have "Sorry for 2004" stuck in my head.

Don't get me wrong. I like all these people. I just wouldn't buy any of their music. And I don't think America will, either.

And is it just me, or are the judges totally biased against mainstreamers this season? Katie Stevens and Katelyn Epperly get so much flak every week. And yet, if Katie made an album, people would probably buy it. Creedence Clearwater Revival? This is not 1968!

Oh and speaking of things I don't want to hear again: Genie in a Bottle, sung at a slightly frantic pace with guitar accompaniment. WTF, Andrew Garcia, WTF???

American Idol: Four Contestants Down, A Million To Go.

I'm depressed right now. John Park was voted off American Idol.

But...we all saw it coming. And...it wasn't like he made it to Top 3 and then bit it. So the agony of defeat is mitigated by the fact that HE HAD NO SHOT TO BEGIN WITH.

Goodbye, John Park.

Also bidding farewell was Haeley Vaughn. That one, we also saw coming. While I loved her performance of Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" last night, I did not love her performance of it tonight. In fact, it was awful. My fiance was holding his head with his eyes closed by the end of it. "Make it stop," he said.

Goodbye, Haeley Vaughn.

Also leaving were Jermaine Sellers and Michelle Somethingorother. The saddest thing about Michelle leaving is that we had to hear that horrible Creed song again. That's when she signed her death note. Creed.

On the bright side, Aaron Kelly is still around. I fell in love with him Tuesday night when he sang "My Girl." Does that make me a pedophile? Probably. "My Girl," by the way, is one of my absolute all-time FAVORITE songs.

Me: Can you sing that to me at our wedding?

Fiance: No.

Oh well.

American Idol, Top 12 Guys: Meh, Meh, Meh.

I don't even know what to say. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that so far, this season totally blows.

Now, it could be first-performance jitters. It could be poor song choices. It could be bad juju. And ALL of these things could vanish by the time next week rolls around.

Still, it has been one disappointment after another these last two nights. Yesterday, it was the men's turn, and while they were better than the women, it was not by much. Most of the performances were just aiiight...but ultimately forgettable.

Oh, and if I hear one more Maroon 5 or Jason Mraz song, I am going to scream. Isn't there anything else on the Billboards?

Let's get into the contestants. My favorite, as any reader of this blog knows by now, is John Park. Not because he's the most talented (though he has a smokin' baritone), or the most hot (though he does have a smile that could melt a bar of gold). It's because he is the Great White (Asian) Hope for Asian Americans to break into the music biz. He also happens to be funny, charismatic, charming, and somehow still modest after all of that.

I was going to write more about John Park, like how he's close to his parents, and how I could relate to his family's money struggles, but at this point, we're getting into stalker territory.

Speaking of stalkers, how about Kara's fawning all over that Casey James guy? Did anyone else find that embarrassing/uncomfortable to watch? Are we going to see it week after week, as Casey exposes more and more of his chest? I can't place my finger on who Casey reminds me of--Chad Kroeger, maybe, with a dash of someone else. Casey was all right, if a little boring. I honestly can't remember a second of his performance.

I really liked the "Chasing Cars" guy, Lee DeWyze. My favorite performance of the night. I also like Joe Munoz, because he reminds me of this guy who went to my college, whose last name is also Munoz.

Random shoutouts: Aaron Kelly, are you Jesse McCartney's brother from another mother? Todrick Hall, even though the judges hated your destruction of Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone," I liked it. Andrew Garcia, everybody favors you to win, but I'm already tired of you. One word: OVEREXPOSED.

Also, Tyler Grady, the '70s rocker guy, looks like my fiance's sister's fiancé. It's hilarious.

You know what's really sad? I can't stop thinking about Adam Lambert. Remember how his performance was the one to watch week after week? Because, like Lady Gaga, you never knew what he would do/sing/wear?

We don't have any Adam Lamberts this year. We have an Alex Lambert. Though I have no idea who that is.

American Idol, Top 12 Girls: My Ears Are Still Bleeding.

Holy guacamole, what was that last night?!

For the first time, we got to hear the Top 12 girls sing live. One by one, they stepped up to the mic. And one by one, they destroyed any love I had for any of the songs. Leona Lewis' "Happy"? I'm sad now. Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am?" Terrible. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles? John Lennon is rolling over in his grave.

The only bright spots of the night were Lilly Scott and her rendition of a song I'd never heard, the Beatles' "Fixin a Hole," and Katie Stevens' "Feeling Good," by Michael Buble. For reasons I cannot understand, the judges hated Katie Stevens. Maybe the two hours of terrible warbling had shattered their eardrums, rendering it impossible for them to hear how good Katie was. Then again, I could be biased because I love Michael Buble. If one of the guys sings "Haven't Met You Yet" tonight, I will die of sheer giddiness.

Over and over, we heard the judges say, "Bad song choice." How about firing those voice coaches or whoever it is "helping" these contestants each week? The contestants do not rehearse in a vacuum. Surely there is a bass player or studio tech around to say, "You know, I used to like that song. Now you've ruined it. Can we try something else?"

Tonight, the Top 12 guys sing. I will look at the bright side: At least none of them will be screeching. Even if they are off-key, their lower registers will be easier on the ears.

By the way, since about 8 of the girls were really bad, and two were just eh, and two were good, how about we cut the four suckiest contestants on Thursday, regardless of gender? There's no reason to cut two guys if the worst two guys are better than the worst four girls.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I've decided to add pictures to my blog. I didn't originally, because I thought they would make my site take forever to load, and I HATE when websites do that. But one pic per entry should be OK.

American Idol: Waiting To Exhale.

So last night, after dragging it out over three hours over two nights, American Idol revealed the Top 24. 12 boys, 12 girls. One Asian guy.

Yes, John Park made it! He did!

I'm telling you, I was curled up on the sofa dying of agony. They didn't announce his fate until almost the end. Meanwhile, we had to sit through the fates of all the people with the sob stories.

I know this season Idol wanted to focus more on the people with interesting backgrounds and less on the crazies, but I'm kind of over that now. Seriously over that. I want the people with sparkling personalities and terrific voices. No more poverty, no more Alzheimer's grandmas, no more seizure babies. Please. No more.

And how about that final selection of Andrew Garcia over Thaddeus Johnson? What a bummer. Both are talented, but I just liked Thaddeus better. He had spunk, he has sass, and he would've probably been 10 times more fun to watch than the Danny Gokey lookalike. Alas, we'll never know.

Big ups to Haeley Vaughn*, the country-singing black girl. I'm a HUGE country fan, and everyone I know seems to hate it. Haeley, I hope you go far, because Idol has enough rockers. Let's bring country back!

I also like Didi Benami, the waitress who sang Kara DioGuardi's song, and Crystal Bowersox, the girl with the dreadlocks. Actually, I pretty much like all of them. There is not one annoying one in the bunch.

But until he gets voted off, at which point I will declare "I'm swearing off Idol" but not actually do it, I am John Park all the way.

*I just figured out why this name is so familiar. I used to watch Regis & Kelly all the time, and Kelly Ripa would talk about her time at All My Children, where she played a character named Hayley Vaughan. Random.

The Middle: A Heck Of A Good Show.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who woke up from a nap to watch American Idol only to find something else on. Especially if that something else is Human Target.

Does anyone know when American Idol is on? Seriously? Is it 8 or 9PM? Is it two hours or one hour? Is it two hours on Tuesday and one hour on Wednesday or what? Seems like it changes every week.

So I flipped over to watch a Modern Family rerun. I was so pissed off at Human Target that I thought the best form of revenge was to watch a rerun. You know what? Modern Family goes down just as good the second time around.

Following Modern Family was a new episode of the Patricia Heaton comedy, The Middle. I had not seen a single episode of this, but I'd heard it was funny. And it was! It's very similar to MF in terms of featuring a harried mom with a lackadaisical husband and three rowdy kids. (By the way, the family's name is the Hecks. Hence the blogpost title.) Anyway, the episode I watched was about Patricia Heaton getting sick of having to yell at her kids to do everything, so she decides to stop nagging and see what happens. By the end of the episode, she's locked in the drugstore at night in her bathrobe. It was absurd, and yet it all made perfect sense.

Also, the youngest kid, Brick (played by Atticus Shaffer), is adorable. Except, all I could think of when I saw him was, "Jumby wants to be born."

Sadly, since The Middle runs in an odd time period (830PM), and since I am going to start checking when Idol is supposed to be on before turning on the TV, I will probably not watch this show again. But I have to say it for the record: The show's good, and I'm glad it got a second season.

P.S. Tracy Morgan, I found out where Chris Kattan went. He's on a TV comedy just like you.

American Idol: All Sass, No Class.

Talk about terrible guest-judging on American Idol! I have been watching this show for nine seasons, and I do not recall two guest judges more obnoxious and bratty than Avril Lavigne and Katy Perry.

First of all, why is Avril Lavigne a judge? What has she done lately? Also, she's my age (25). I think some of the contestants who auditioned were older than her. I don't know about you, but if I lined up for hours to audition for a singing show, the last thing I'd want is Avril giggling at me like a 15-year-old at the mall.

Also, she showed up wearing a hoodie with devil ears and lots of makeup and black nail polish. This isn't one of your sk8t3r b0i concerts, Avril. At least put the dang hoodie down.

Next up, Katy Perry. She, too, is my age. Now, my complaint about her isn't her fashion or lack of industry experience. No, my complaint is her complete lack of a soul. Yes, I am aware she's a preacher's kid and I just said she has no soul. Allow me to explain. The last audition of the day was this guy Chris Golightly, a 25-year-old guy who grew up in the foster care system. He said he lived in at least 25 homes. When he opened his mouth to sing "Stand By Me," I started sobbing. All I could picture was him singing to the parents he never had but wished he had.

And you know what Katy's response to him was? "I understand where you're coming from..." Huh??? Katy, nuclear family. Chris, foster home of the week. Yeah, I don't see it. And then when Kara said she loved his audition, Katy had this gem: "This is not a Lifetime movie, sweetheart. You have to have talent." Because Katy Perry knows all about talent.

Not to mention Katy threatening to dump her Coke in Kara's face at one point. It's always nice when you're invited to be a GUEST JUDGE on someone else's show and you think it's okay to say something like that.

All I can say is, I am so ready for Ellen DeGeneres to join this show. Talented, funny, kind, and dresses well. Avril who?

American Idol: Yes, Asian People Can Sing!

My people have never won American Idol.

In fact, we've never even come close. Not runner-up, not third, not fourth, not fifth. Anoop Desai, who's Indian, made it to #6. A dude named Paul Kim, who liked to sing barefoot, also made it to the finals, but he was around #24 or something. Yes, I Wikipedia'd him...word up, Wikipedia! No, I don't know why I just wrote that.

Anyway, the reason I write this entry is because in last night's episode of Idol, a young Asian man got a golden ticket, and his name was John Park.

John, I don't know you personally, but dang, you can sing, and you are a stud. You had Shania all a-twitter!

I am so, so happy you made it through to Hollywood. Let's hope this isn't the last we hear of you, because too often, Idol shows us a great contestant during auditions...and then we never hear from them again.

Even more importantly, John, you may be the guy to show America that Asian people can sing. You may even be the guy who makes us all forget about William Hung. (I think for that achievement alone, you should be awarded one of those Fords they always give the finalists.)

I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up too high about you, John Park. Because what if tonight was the last we'll see of you?

Well, at the very least, you are now immortalized in my humble blog.

TCA Press Tour: Part II.

The big news announced at Fox's TCA press tour was this:

Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol after this season.

He wants to start his own show, a U.S. version of the U.K. hit The X Factor, which Fox has picked up for fall 2011.

What is The X Factor, you ask? Think of it like America's Got Talent. It even has the Xes and everything. Recently, it birthed the career of Susan Boyle. But I'm not interested. American television does not need another America's Got Talent, even if it is produced and judged by Simon Cowell. I wouldn't even care if The X Factor featured monkeys juggling meatballs. I won't be watching.

The move is all well and good for Simon, but what about the rest of us? What about the fans who watch Idol just to see what Simon will say about the contestants? I don't know about you, but I think a panel of three nice judges will be quite the bore. Randy will call everyone dawg, Kara will grab the mic and start singing the songs herself, and Ellen will try to be their best friend.

Zzzzzzz.

I guess this spells the end of American Idol as we know it.

Other news from the TCA tour:

-Glee was picked up for a 2nd season! That's right, our favorite show will be back next fall!

-America's Most Wanted will celebrate is 1000th episode in March. I used to LOVE this show. John Walsh is the man. I never got to catch a criminal, though. Oh well.

-Bones will hit its 100th episode in April. I don't care.

-Fox will premiere a new show called Code 58 in May. This is the description, from executive producer Matt Nix:

"It's an action-comedy where we follow these two cops. So, in a sense, it's a procedural as they investigate usually routine crimes. They both, each for their own reasons, have been sort of banished to the worst jobs in the department. And every week they investigate a crime that can range from the theft of a small residential burglary to reorganizing evidence to dealing with a stolen car. On a week-to-week basis, it's about how that intersects with a much larger crime and how they end up sort of getting involved in something much bigger."

Wow, that could not sound more boring. I'd rather watch 1000 straight episodes of America's Most Wanted. Did I mention John Walsh is the man?

Stay tuned for news from ABC's press tour...

Glee: A Crazy Long Hiatus and a Great New Time Slot.

After mid-December, Glee's not returning until April 13. April!!! 13!!! Are you kidding me?!?!

Also, it's moving to Tuesdays at 9PM following American Idol. My thoughts? Mixed.

The good: It'll get a HUGE and extremely compatible lead-in audience.

The bad: Glee will be competing against Lost.

The good: Does anybody watch Lost anymore?

The good: I currently got nothin' on Tuesdays at 9PM, and three conflicting shows on Wednesdays at 9PM. This helps.

The bad: ...I can't think of anything else. Good job, Fox!

Overall, it's a positive move. If only it didn't. start. April. 13!!!!!!!