CSI: Miami: And You Think You've Got Daddy Issues.

On last night's CSI: Miami, we meet a white guy named Russell Turner who gets sliced in half by a samurai sword while running from a guy on a motorcycle. Yes, sliced in half. At the waist. It is a lovely way to begin the episode.

Then we meet Russell's 15-year-old son. His name is Kenny Turner, and he's Japanese. Turns out Russell adopted him when he was a baby. So now Kenny is fatherless. It's very sad. Kenny seems like a nice guy.

Then we find out Kenny's biological father is this guy named Takashi Yamada, who's the head of the Japanese mafia. (Yes, this is the requisite Asian mafia episode, which every crime procedural is required to do at some point.) Yamada has been trying to find his biological son for ages. By the way, Yamada has lots of tattoos, and he doesn't get inked by ordinary needles, he uses bamboo needles. This factoid will come up again later on.

Then we meet Kenny's biological mother, Susan Lee. By the way, she does not look a day over 25 (we Asians have terrific genes). Susan says she was raped by Yamada when she was 15. She didn't want her son to join the Japanese mafia, so she took her baby and ran away and found a shelter, where she met Kenny's adoptive father and gave her son to him.

Then the CSIs learn something weird about Takashi Yamada's blood type. It has changed over the years. How could this be? Calleigh figures out that he must've gotten a liver transplant, because the body will sometimes change its blood type in order to accept the new liver.

But why would Yamada need a new liver?

Because those crazy bamboo needles he gets tattooed by penetrate so deeply into the skin, they block the sweat glands, which eventually screws up the liver. So, back to the reason Yamada has been looking for his son all these years...

HE WANTED HIS SON'S LIVER.

AHHHH.

AHHHHHHH!

I don't know about you, but this is the life lesson I took away from the episode: If you're adopted, don't let your biological parents find you. They may be after your organs.