The Amazing Race: Let's Hug It Out.

After watching last night's Amazing Race, I have decided something: If I ever go on this show, I'm not going on it with a girl. No way, no how.

I'm not being sexist. I'm not being unfair to women. I'm just saying, if I want to win, I'm taking a Y chromosome with me.

That's not to say I don't think an all-girl team could win. I'm sure two extremely fit women could kick butt (though there has yet to be an all-girl winning team in 15 seasons). But me, being the size of pre-mom Nicole Richie, would just be better off racing with a guy.

Like on Survivor, so many of TAR's challenges are physical. And last night's detour challenge was no exception. It required banging a mallet on the platform of one of those carnival poles that rings a bell if you hit the top. Neither Maria nor Tiffany can ring the bell after 30 tries, so they decide to do the other detour, which is golfing with giant colored balls (no jokes, please). They suck at that too. Back to the carnival pole.

Somewhere in the middle of their 40 more tries (for a total of 70), they take a moment to hug it out. The camera swirls around their circle of anguish as they cry into each other's shoulders. I think Tiffany is crying harder than Maria, who clearly has put in no effort whatsover with the mallet. Still, it's a sad moment on television.

After hugging it out, Maria and Tiffany try a few more times. No luck. So they go back to the golf. After I don't know how many rounds, Phil shows up.

What I think he's going to tell them: Hi ladies. Listen, Big Brother is on tonight, and I can just make it back to the hotel in time to see if Jeff got fooled by Natalie and Kevin's lie that Russell is planning to take him out after this eviction. Are you about done here or what?

What he actually tells them: Hi ladies. I'm told you want to quit the race.

WHAT??? That is not what you want to hear as a couch potato wishing you could be on this show. Maria (or Tiffany) actually has the nerve to correct Phil: "No, we don't want to quit the race, we just don't think we can do this challenge." Potato, potahto. You decided to quit. Own up to it!