I Just Watched Private Practice, And I Need A Drink.

Oh, that was a heart-rending Private Practice. Almost as good as that cliff-hanger last season with Violet and the psycho woman cutting the baby out of her.

We start off with Addison and Sam hiking in the mountains on a gorgeous day. Then they find a guy collapsed on the ground. Cut to a close-up of the leg with the jagged bone sticking out: lovely. He tells them his wife is in a car accident nearby. The wife is 9 months pregnant and today is her due date. But of course. Her left arm is smushed between the door and the seat or something and she can't get out. Her door is stuck so the only way in/out is through the driver's side. Addison gets in the car to try to get her out while Sam tends to the guy, whose lung has just collapsed. Naturally. Sam cuts a slit in his chest and sticks a tube in there to relieve the pressure.

Then the car starts rolling down the hill. When it finally stops, a giant branch is blocking the driver's side door. So now neither Addison nor the woman can get out of the car. Sam somehow drags the husband down to where they are so Addison can watch over both of them while Sam gets help. Meanwhile, the sun's starting to set.

Then two even CRAZIER things happen. First, it turns out the baby is in breach. And one of its feet has poked its way out. So Addison not only SHOVES THE FOOT BACK IN but she has to reach all the way in and turn the baby around. AGHHHHHHH.

When I finally stop screaming and pull my hands away from my eyes, I see Addison has delivered the baby. It's not breathing, so Addison gives it mouth-to-mouth. The baby comes to life. They tell the husband, "Hey, it's a girl!" He doesn't answer. They both realize he's unconscious, maybe dead. Ah, crap.

Then. A helicopter's lights come up over them. Help has arrived. Just in the nick of time. Sam checks the husband's pulse. "He's still alive!" The wife and Addison are joyous. There are only five minutes left in the episode. All is well again. I can finally breathe. Right?

WRONG. The rescue team attaches a metal clamp on the passenger's side door to yank it off. The cameraman spends an awfully long time showing that metal clamp and that door.

Me, to the fiance: Why are they show--

The door comes away, and with it, THE WIFE'S ARM. Apparently, the door being wedged in had clamped off the wife's wound, keeping her alive the whole time. Blood squirts all over the place. The wife dies. Addison loses her mind. "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" she screams. "GET ME OUT!!!!!"

Holy crap, what an episode. I don't know what it is about this show this season. It's on FIRE.