24: The Clock Will Finally Stop Ticking.

Fox announced over the weekend that this quasi-abysmal, quasi-awesome eighth season of 24 will be its last.

I have mixed feelings about this.

On the one hand, the series has been uneven throughout its run. One good season followed by a bad. Probably my favorite seasons were 1) the first one, b) the one where Edgar died (still mourning that), and c) the one with President Logan.

Actually, I just Googled it, and Edgar died during the season with President Logan. So really, 24 has only had 2 awesome seasons and 6 okay/meh ones. That's kind of depressing.

On the other hand, I love 24. I've never missed an episode (this is not the same thing as "I've never fallen asleep while watching an episode"). I have two Jack Bauer action figures (anniversary gifts from the fiancé). I still get excited on Mondays from mid-January to mid-May, because even if there is nothing else to watch, there's always 24.

What I also like about 24 is that by now, I always know when someone will get shot, which is helpful when you're someone who can't stand the sound or sight of that sort of thing. (I always cover my ears and close my eyes.) I also know that no matter what kind of danger Jack is in, whether he's being tortured or defusing a bomb or getting shot at by the bad guys, he'll never be really hurt. I mean this season alone, he was shot in the gut and that very same hour, he scisscor-kick-snapped the neck of the Russian bad guy while handcuffed to a pipe in the ceiling...after being tortured by said Russian bad guy.

The end of 24. It feels more like the end of an era. I remember when it first premiered, just after 9/11, and how we lived in a different time back then, when the Muslims were the bad guys. Wait, the Muslims are still the bad guys. Thanks for never changing, 24!

While Watching The View...

I was watching The View, and the ladies were talking about this 16-year-old kid named McKay Hatch.

Fiancé (turns around): Who's that?

Me: Oh, it's this kid who started a no-cussing club at his school.

Fiancé: F--- that.

American Idol: It's Gotta Be The Pouf.

Last night, Andrew Garcia performed "Heard It Through the Grapevine" on American Idol. Right in the middle of the performance, my fiancé said thus:

"I think he's channeling...uh...what's his name..."

(I'm thinking, Marvin Gaye? Jason Mraz?)

"Kim Jong-Il."

Holy Plot Twist, 24!

I was totally floored last night, and not just because our wedding caterer canceled on us with just eight weeks to go (this has since been cleared up, PHEW).

No, I was also shocked by the revelation at the very end of last night's episode: Dana Walsh is working with the terrorists!

Up to this point, I had thought Dana the most useless character ever created for television. Distracting us from the terror plot du jour. Patronizing Chloe. Taking screen time away from Jack. Destroying poor Cole's life. Annoying us with her hair constantly over one shoulder. But finally, finally, Dana Walsh has reason to exist on this show!

I can't wait to see how this all goes down.

I just hope that at some point, Chloe has to Tase Dana to get information out of her. I'd have Jack do it, but it would just be nice to see Chloe whip out ole Shockey again. Remember when she Tased a dude at the bar? Twice? That was awesome.

Where was I? Oh, yes.

Welcome back, 24!

The Amazing Race: Champagne Tower Of Terror.

I swear, this season's Amazing Race has got to be an alcoholic's nightmare. First the beer boot challenge, and now this leg, which included building a champagne fountain, popping a bottle of bubbly, and searching for grapes in a large field.

Totally bummed about Jeff & Jordan, who were booted off The Amazing Race last night. I was hoping for another non-elimination, but I agree with the fiancé, who said, "If it's another non-elimination, I call foul."

Besides the cowboys, I am now rooting for Steve & Allie, the father/daughter team. (By the way, does anyone else think Allie is Shenae Grimes' sister from another mister?) Oh, and there was a shout-out to duct tape, one of the best inventions EVAR. Steve is hilarious, Allie is kind, and they are a joy to watch. Just look at their picture. How friggin adorable are they???

What's Basketball Got To Do With It (This Blog)?

Right now, NCAA March Madness is everywhere. Everywhere, that is, except my living room.

Seems like everyone and their mother is doing a bracket. I went to look it up on cbssports.com, not because I was interested in creating one, but because I wanted to see if my alma mater (Syracuse) was in the playoffs. I am a lousy alum, by the way.

This is how clueless I am about NCAA brackets. To find my school, I first checked in the northeast quadrant of the bracket. Because Syracuse is in the northeast part of the country. Logical, right? Wrong. I couldn't find it. So I checked the other quadrants, just in case. I finally found 'Cuse in the southwest quadrant. Huh???

Where am I going with all this? Well, thanks to March Madness, CBS preempted Survivor last night. This was the first Thursday since the premiere that a) I was actually home to watch it and b) it did not conflict with an American Idol results show. I was really excited to see Survivor live. Especially because a couple of weeks back, I found out Cirie got kicked off before I got to see the episode. Gah.

In the end, I had a very enjoyable evening with my cat, a bowl of penne tossed with olive oil and garlic salt and a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese, and the ladies of The View (the fiancé was at a lab meeting). But still, I missed Survivor. And there's not going to be a new episode until next Wednesday.

I guess in the meantime, I'll actually watch some basketball. Syracuse plays Vermont at 9PM tonight. Go Orange!!!

By the way, that's a picture of our mascot, Otto the Orange. Yes, an orange.

American Idol: A Honky-Tonk Vote.

So last night, I voted for the very first time on an American Idol contestant this season. I know, I know, with my slavish devotion to the ousted John Park and redirected loyalty to Aaron Kelly, you would think that by now, I'd have voted at least once.

Nope. Try as I might, I could never bring myself to pick up the phone and call.

But something changed last night. Not only did I enjoy Paige Miles' version of "Honky Tonk Woman", but I realized something: Girlfriend is not long for this show.

The judges are "eh" about her. The blogosphere doesn't even talk about her. And yet, she might be the only female contestant left who sings songs people would actually buy. She's pop with a little soul and a little country. She reminds me a lot of Kelly Clarkson, actually. And not just because she sang her song a few weeks ago.

Sadly, I don't think Paige is long for this competition. Each week, she's on people's lists of elimination predictions. She's forgettable and I can't surmise anything about her personality.

But still. I really liked her song last night. And so as soon as the show ended, I picked up the phone to vote for her. I called about five times. And EVERY SINGLE TIME, I got through. I got so depressed that other people weren't voting for her, I stopped calling.

I hope I'm wrong about Paige going home soon. But if she leaves us tonight, at least we'll get to hear her sing "Honky Tonk Woman" again.

Lost Progress Report: Season 4.

This weekend, I finished watching the 4th season of Lost. And by "finished" I mean "slept through" because I was dead tired. It made no difference, anyway, because I probably would've understood it just as much (read: not at all) if I had actually watched it.

This was the most confusing season for me. I know what I wrote earlier about the five stages of Lost, and how I'm in the Acceptance stage, meaning I've come to accept that I do not understand anything that's going on and that's OK. But somehow, Lost managed to reach further into the depths of obscurity this season, unearthing even MORE plotlines and MORE characters and MORE times.

What do I mean by times? Well, we used to have the present with flashbacks. Now we have flash forwards--which I knew were coming, but I didn't realize they'd be executed so confusingly. The Oceanic 6 are off the island, but they want to go back. But what happened to everybody still on the island? What've they been doing for three years? How come we aren't privy to seeing any of it?

Also, what's going on with Widmore? The fiancé tried to explain it to me, how Widmore is interested in the island and wants to keep it to himself or whatever. Yeah, I don't get it either.

The Penny-Desmond reunion was really sweet. I'm liking Sonya Walger 1,000 times more in this role than as Olivia in FlashForward.

I also like the new character Miles. He's quite the snarkster. My people are all over Lost this season--Miles, Sun, Jin. Okay that's only 3 people, but I'll take it. I also started watching season 5, and it features Dr. Chang, the Dharma Initiative guy. And, though I haven't seen him yet, there is another Asian guy with a goatee who is somehow involved with the Temple (no clue what that is, or who the Asian guy is, but I read about it in EW). Yes they killed off all the black people (Michael's still around, but just barely), but Lost is at least replacing them with other people of color. High-five for diversity!

Greek Love.

It's not often I do this, because I'm more prone to being sarcastic and cynical about TV shows, about the lack of diversity, the annoying characters, the boring plotlines, blah blah. Because what fun is a blog if all I do is say nice things?

But I want to take a moment here to say how much I love Greek. It's campy, it's fun, it's funny. I want to live in the world of Cappie and Casey & Co. A world where it never rains (as Cappie pointed out in a recent episode: "The weather [here] never seems to change"), where college professors are quirky, where grades never seem to matter, where sorority houses worship stuffed pink cats named Mr. Purrs-a-lot.

The characters feel like family. I want Casey to be my sister. I want Ashley to be my friend. Cappie and Calvin as my brothers. Rusty, of course, would be the creepy uncle to stay away from.

You guys know that song by Mr. Big, "To Be With You"? It's really popular at karaoke bars. Anyway, the song will forever be tied to Greek for me, not only because it was featured in an episode last year, but also because of its nostalgic flavor, the sense of longing I feel when I listen to it. It's like your high school graduation song. You'll remember it forever.

Greek's next season will be its last. But I'm not ready for the Greek gang to graduate. I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Is it me, or did this blogpost suddenly take a turn for the depressing? Anywho. I don't want to say goodbye to Greek. So for right now, I'll just enjoy the show while it lasts.

Katherine Heigl Leaving Grey's Anatomy.

Good riddance.

American Idol: A Sad Revelation.

I realized something this week: American Idol no longer excites me.

I don't know if it's the contestants, or the lack of talent, or what. But these days, AI is no longer appointment TV for me.

The front runners. I am so bored by them. I have NO PLANS to buy CDs from Lilly Scott or Siobhan Magnus or Crystal Bowersox. Sure, they were entertaining in the beginning, bringing something new and funky to the table. Now I'm over it. I want my freaking ballads back!

These three girls are so far out of the mainstream, they'll appeal only to niche fans. As for the guys, the current favorite seems to be Michael Lynche, who consistently gets positive feedback from the judges. I just see him going the way of Ruben Studdard. Big, lovable black man who sings really well, but has zero appeal beyond the show.

And now, thanks to myself, I have "Sorry for 2004" stuck in my head.

Don't get me wrong. I like all these people. I just wouldn't buy any of their music. And I don't think America will, either.

And is it just me, or are the judges totally biased against mainstreamers this season? Katie Stevens and Katelyn Epperly get so much flak every week. And yet, if Katie made an album, people would probably buy it. Creedence Clearwater Revival? This is not 1968!

Oh and speaking of things I don't want to hear again: Genie in a Bottle, sung at a slightly frantic pace with guitar accompaniment. WTF, Andrew Garcia, WTF???

Big Love: Incest, Schmincest.

"How can there be incest when there's no intercourse?"

How, indeed. This is the question raised by JJ in the season finale of Big Love. Allow me to explain.

One of the show's many plotpoints this season was this: Nicki is having trouble getting pregnant, so she's been seeing this Mormon doctor for special treatments. The doctor finally tells Nicki her eggs are no good, she's infertile. Nicki gets depressed. Then Nicki's ex JJ finds out, and starts scheming. By the way, there's a subplot about how there's been a spike in deformed babies coming out of Juniper Creek and people are accusing the Mormons of inbreeding.

Anywho. JJ somehow gets Nicki's doctor to try to implant an embryo in Nicki. What kind of embryo, you ask? One that comes from the union of his sperm and Cara Lynn's egg. Who's Cara Lynn, you ask? His and Nicki's DAUGHTER.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Thankfully, Nicki's mom storms into the doctor's office just in time to stop him from implanting the embryo in a drugged-up, semi-concious Nicki. What is Nicki's mom's involvement, you ask? Well, she happens to be pregnant. With a JJ/Wanda embryo. But who's Wanda? JJ's SISTER.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Turns out JJ has been running a no-sex incest clinic, which explains all the deformed babies. Why is JJ running a no-sex incest clinic? I don't know, and I didn't feel inclined to rewatch the episode to find out. Anyway, the WHY here is not so important as the WHAT. And that WHAT is something I'd like to forget about as soon as I finish writing this post.

Oh, and the other thing that happened in the finale was Bill finally came out as a polygamist. He had just won a seat in the state senate, and during his speech, decided to introduce himself and his three wives. I love that after he introduced his second wife, some random lady in the crowd yelled out, "How many ya got???"

All in all, it was a bizarre, sickening, yet satisfying way to end the season. What will happen to the Henricksons now that they're public? Will Bill keep his seat? Will Nicki get pregnant? Will Adaleen (Nicki's mom) give birth to her daughter/granddaughter? We'll find out next season!

Undercover Boss Renewed For Second Season. You're Welcome, CBS.

About three months ago, I wrote about a certain little-known reality show that was debuting after the Super Bowl. It was called Undercover Boss, and many people scoffed at not only the concept of the show, but the fact that of all shows, THAT was the one getting the cushy post-Super Bowl spot.

Well, CBS was right. The show is averaging 18.7 million viewers on Sunday nights, even up against heavyweights like the Winter Olympics and Desperate Housewives. And now it's been picked up for a second season.

Woop woop!

As I have blogged previously, in the months leading up to the Super Bowl, plus on the night of the big game, people were finding my blog by Googling "What show airs after the Super Bowl?" So I like to think I sent a few readers CBS's way. CBS, I accept cash, credit, and Snickers bars.

Lie To Me Returns June 7. I'd Care, If I Still Watched.

Around this time last year, I was still watching Lie to Me. For those not in the know, and judging by the ratings, that would be the overwhelming majority of the American population, the show is about a guy (Tim Roth) who solves crimes by reading people's expressions to see if they're lying. He leads a team of fellow expression-readers, none of whom are remotely interesting in their own right.

Lie to Me's premise is one that sound cool at first, and then you start to wonder if they can pull off more than a handful of episodes before the show becomes boring and irrelevant. Sadly, this was exactly the case with Lie to Me. I'd forget to download an episode, and then I'd realize...I didn't care! And before I knew it, it was 2010 and I was read the headline that the show is returning in June.

My first thought: When was it ever OFF the air?

Airing out of Lie to Me on Monday nights is the new dramedy, Good Guys (originally titled Code 58). It's about two cops who...eh, no one cares. Fox, please stop shoving new action shows down our throats and spin off Glee!

Starring Hugo "Hurley" Reyes As Himself.

I normally don't like sharing links here (because that would send you AWAY from my blog), but this Lost mashup video starring Hurley is just too delightful to keep to myself. Enjoy, all.

And if you're not smiling by the end of it, you have no soul.

American Idol: Four Contestants Down, A Million To Go.

I'm depressed right now. John Park was voted off American Idol.

But...we all saw it coming. And...it wasn't like he made it to Top 3 and then bit it. So the agony of defeat is mitigated by the fact that HE HAD NO SHOT TO BEGIN WITH.

Goodbye, John Park.

Also bidding farewell was Haeley Vaughn. That one, we also saw coming. While I loved her performance of Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" last night, I did not love her performance of it tonight. In fact, it was awful. My fiance was holding his head with his eyes closed by the end of it. "Make it stop," he said.

Goodbye, Haeley Vaughn.

Also leaving were Jermaine Sellers and Michelle Somethingorother. The saddest thing about Michelle leaving is that we had to hear that horrible Creed song again. That's when she signed her death note. Creed.

On the bright side, Aaron Kelly is still around. I fell in love with him Tuesday night when he sang "My Girl." Does that make me a pedophile? Probably. "My Girl," by the way, is one of my absolute all-time FAVORITE songs.

Me: Can you sing that to me at our wedding?

Fiance: No.

Oh well.

Parenthood: Lorelai Gilmore, I Expected Better.

Last night, I decided to check out the much-hyped-about new series on NBC, Parenthood. I'd heard great reviews about it, and I was a huge fan of Gilmore Girls, so I thought, why not?

Why not, indeed.

The show's premise is almost exactly like Brothers & Sisters': The trials and tribulations of a sprawling white, middle-class family in suburbia. In fact, that IS the premise of Brothers & Sisters.

The show kicked off with Lorelai Gilmore calling her brother, Peter Krause, who's out jogging. Lorelai's daughter has disappeared, probably with her boyfriend, and Lorelai doesn't seem too concerned, just frazzled. Peter is about to pass out because he's out of shape. Oh and then Peter's dad calls. He's the guy from Coach. And then something with Peter's blond wife (who looks like Nicollette Sheridan from Desperate Housewives) and their son who doesn't want to play baseball. In the final scene before the first commercial break (at which point I stopped watching), Peter Krause is tackling the first-base umpire at his son's game because the ump made a bad call.

Big, fat, ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Why was I bored? Because the show offers nothing new. It follows a boring family doing boring clichéd things, like fixing their cars and forcing their sons to play sports. It's not funny, it's not clever, it's not heartwarming, it's not anything. In fact, I'm trying very hard to stay awake even as I type this.

Some might say I shouldn't judge a show by its first 12 minutes. I say, life's too short to watch dull TV.

Lost Progress Report: Season 3.

The five stages of watching Lost:
Intrigue
Confusion
Deeper Confusion
Aggravation
Acceptance

Right now, at the close of season 3, I am happy to report that I've achieved the acceptance stage. It's okay that I don't understand what's going on. It's okay that storylines haven't been tied up.

It's okay that more people are magically appearing on the island--some permanently, like Desmond, and some for a handful of episodes, like Nikki and Paulo. (How awesome was their death, by the way? Man!)

It's okay that Michael has disappeared, and it's okay that no one really cares.

It's okay that Alex was born on the island, and it's okay that this contradicts the idea that no woman who gets pregnant on the island lives to give birth to her child, and Alex is the product of Danielle and Ben, and Alex was conceived on the island, which means Danielle shouldn't still be alive. It's okay that I am not entirely sure about the accuracy of everything I just wrote in this paragraph.

Other things I've come to feel/learn upon finishing season 3:
-I can't stand Kate anymore. She was never my favorite character to begin with, but now I downright loathe her. I don't like how she toys with Jack's heart, then Sawyer's, then Jack's...and then she has the nerve to get pissy when she sees Jack hanging out with Juliet.
-I'm developing a weird crush on Hurley. He is the type of guy who grows on you the more time you spend with (watching) him. He is the type of guy you always feel safe around. And on a creepy island, there is no characteristic more attractive.

The fiancé and I are now going to take a mini-break from the show. Seasons 4 and 5 are short, and since we're a long way from the May 23 finale, we're going to need to stretch out the remaining episodes.

I'm Going To Stop Complaining About The Bachelor...

...when they realize America has non-white people living here.

The latest Bachelorette was announced, and her name is Ali Fedotowsky. She was on the previous Bachelor, which ended last night. She was the lady who left the show to go back to her job. But she's decided to try to find love once again. And the economy sucks so bad now that chances are, the men at her disposal don't have jobs to leave her for.

Chances of true love, marriage, and happily ever after?

Still 0.5%.

Sorry, Ali.

24: Can Something Exciting Please Happen?

Previously on 24...

Yeah, I don't know what happened either. I was so bored within the first minute, I picked up the latest Entertainment Weekly. Did you know about the astounding number of books out there that are about fat women, but they all feature Skinny Minnies on the cover? Yeah, it's totally bogus. See: Every single Jennifer Weiner novel.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The latest episode of 24. From the snippets I caught in between reading EW and feeding my cat Rocky Road ice cream (chocolate is bad for cats, I know, but she loves it), I learned that Freddie Prinze Jr. has the heart of a felon, Farhad is still a wuss, and the Fox 5 Ten O'Clock News comes on at 1AM in the world of 24. Ernie Anastos, it's the middle of the night, but keep f**king that chicken!

Honestly, what happened to 24 this season?

A few theories:

1) Too many characters. I can't keep all the bad guys straight. Is it the Russians? The Middle Easterners? Which Middle Easterners? And what is Dana's ex's connection to all this? Do I even care?

2) Not enough Jack and Chloe. And when we do get Jack, he's...practically sane, and when we get a quick shot of Chloe, she's scowling 90% of the time. I'm tired of that Chloe scowl. Can we get a sister some lines?

3) The country of IRK. I don't know what IRK stands for (something something Kamistan), and I’m wondering if the person who came up with that knew what he was doing. But my question is this: Why does the show sometimes make up country names (IRK, Sangala) and sometimes use real ones (China, Russia)?

4) The lack of super awesome villains. Remember President Logan? Nina Myers? Heck, even Chuck Bartowski made a more intimidating (not to mention entertaining) bad guy on last night's Chuck.

So yeah. Next week, I'll be tuning in to 24 as I always do, but I don't know if my heart's in it anymore.

The Amazing Race: Cowboys Up!

Before the season began, I was eh about the cowboys. I figured they were a gimmicky team, cast on the show purely on the merits of their ten-gallon hats and giant belt buckles. I figured they’d be out by the 2nd leg. An entertaining team is not always a bright, athletic, cunning team that can win The Amazing Race.

How wrong I was.

Last week, we saw the cowboys ditch the rest of the pack and get on a different bus, which brought them to the next location before anyone else. Nobody could figure out where they were or how they’d managed to find a faster route.

And last night, we saw the cowboys in their element. They had to lasso a bale of hay, play polo on a (wooden) horse, and play five-card stud against the Travelocity Gnome (I love that crazy gnome). It was awesome to see them whooping it up and having a great time. And not only that, but they seem like genuinely nice people who are in this race to have FUN.

Speaking of FUN, how great are Jeff and Jordan to watch? Now, you would expect Jeff to do most of the work, since he’s taller and stronger, and he can actually tell time. But Jordan is pulling her weight, signing up for challenges like walking the high wire and doing most of the driving (Jeff can’t drive a stick). Also, they’re hilarious. At one point, Jeff was so frustrated, he said, “We’re so stupid. We should never reproduce.” Ha!

Less fun to watch are the lesbians. Now, you know I love my gays, but geesh, I can’t stand these two. They’re constantly bickering, they’re snippy toward the other teams when they don’t get their way, and they have a diva attitude about everything—Gucci this, “I don’t take public transportation” that. I’m so over you, Lesbian Team.