American Idol, Top 12 Guys: Meh, Meh, Meh.

I don't even know what to say. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that so far, this season totally blows.

Now, it could be first-performance jitters. It could be poor song choices. It could be bad juju. And ALL of these things could vanish by the time next week rolls around.

Still, it has been one disappointment after another these last two nights. Yesterday, it was the men's turn, and while they were better than the women, it was not by much. Most of the performances were just aiiight...but ultimately forgettable.

Oh, and if I hear one more Maroon 5 or Jason Mraz song, I am going to scream. Isn't there anything else on the Billboards?

Let's get into the contestants. My favorite, as any reader of this blog knows by now, is John Park. Not because he's the most talented (though he has a smokin' baritone), or the most hot (though he does have a smile that could melt a bar of gold). It's because he is the Great White (Asian) Hope for Asian Americans to break into the music biz. He also happens to be funny, charismatic, charming, and somehow still modest after all of that.

I was going to write more about John Park, like how he's close to his parents, and how I could relate to his family's money struggles, but at this point, we're getting into stalker territory.

Speaking of stalkers, how about Kara's fawning all over that Casey James guy? Did anyone else find that embarrassing/uncomfortable to watch? Are we going to see it week after week, as Casey exposes more and more of his chest? I can't place my finger on who Casey reminds me of--Chad Kroeger, maybe, with a dash of someone else. Casey was all right, if a little boring. I honestly can't remember a second of his performance.

I really liked the "Chasing Cars" guy, Lee DeWyze. My favorite performance of the night. I also like Joe Munoz, because he reminds me of this guy who went to my college, whose last name is also Munoz.

Random shoutouts: Aaron Kelly, are you Jesse McCartney's brother from another mother? Todrick Hall, even though the judges hated your destruction of Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone," I liked it. Andrew Garcia, everybody favors you to win, but I'm already tired of you. One word: OVEREXPOSED.

Also, Tyler Grady, the '70s rocker guy, looks like my fiance's sister's fiancé. It's hilarious.

You know what's really sad? I can't stop thinking about Adam Lambert. Remember how his performance was the one to watch week after week? Because, like Lady Gaga, you never knew what he would do/sing/wear?

We don't have any Adam Lamberts this year. We have an Alex Lambert. Though I have no idea who that is.

American Idol, Top 12 Girls: My Ears Are Still Bleeding.

Holy guacamole, what was that last night?!

For the first time, we got to hear the Top 12 girls sing live. One by one, they stepped up to the mic. And one by one, they destroyed any love I had for any of the songs. Leona Lewis' "Happy"? I'm sad now. Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am?" Terrible. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles? John Lennon is rolling over in his grave.

The only bright spots of the night were Lilly Scott and her rendition of a song I'd never heard, the Beatles' "Fixin a Hole," and Katie Stevens' "Feeling Good," by Michael Buble. For reasons I cannot understand, the judges hated Katie Stevens. Maybe the two hours of terrible warbling had shattered their eardrums, rendering it impossible for them to hear how good Katie was. Then again, I could be biased because I love Michael Buble. If one of the guys sings "Haven't Met You Yet" tonight, I will die of sheer giddiness.

Over and over, we heard the judges say, "Bad song choice." How about firing those voice coaches or whoever it is "helping" these contestants each week? The contestants do not rehearse in a vacuum. Surely there is a bass player or studio tech around to say, "You know, I used to like that song. Now you've ruined it. Can we try something else?"

Tonight, the Top 12 guys sing. I will look at the bright side: At least none of them will be screeching. Even if they are off-key, their lower registers will be easier on the ears.

By the way, since about 8 of the girls were really bad, and two were just eh, and two were good, how about we cut the four suckiest contestants on Thursday, regardless of gender? There's no reason to cut two guys if the worst two guys are better than the worst four girls.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I've decided to add pictures to my blog. I didn't originally, because I thought they would make my site take forever to load, and I HATE when websites do that. But one pic per entry should be OK.

Big Love: Mexican Standoff.

So.

Big Love.

Hollis Green's Arm.

Did Not See That Coming.

Here's the breakdown:

-Bill and his brother and crazy parents and son Ben and one of the Mormon wives (Jolene?) are in Mexico facing off Hollis Green and Crazy Selma and the other Angry Mormons.

-Angry Mormons are pissed because Bill's mom Lois tried to cut in on their illegal bird deal. Angry Mormons want to kill Bill's family as punishment.

-Bill steps forward. "Take me," he says, hoping that Angry Mormons will spare his family.

-Hollis Green steps forward menacingly.

-Cue shot of the machete.

-Cue shot of Lois's blood-spattered face. "How dare you lay a hand on my boy!" she spits.

-Cue shot of Hollis WITH BLOOD SPURTING FROM HIS SHOULDER.

-Cue shot of HOLLIS'S ENTIRE BLOODY ARM ON THE GROUND.

Holy crap! Holy crap! Holy crap!

By the way, the whole time I've been writing this, I've had Robbie Williams's song, "Me and My Monkey," playing in my head. Seriously, check it out on YouTube--someone even made a Claymation music video for it. It's the perfect companion to this crazy episode.

Lost Progress Report: Season 2.

This weekend, the fiancé and I made it through the second season of Lost, plus four episodes of the third season. As expected, I was completely confuzzled by the end of all this. Where are Eko and Locke? Why did Charlie escape the hatch unscathed? What was that violet sky thing? How is it possible for my head to explode a second time?

One thing that surfaced amid all the chaos was this plot point, which I absolutely loved: that the "protectors of the earth," aka the people who are supposed to type in the code in the hatch, are also responsible for any planes that crash on the island. If someone forgets to type the code in, or types it in too late, the whole island shakes and causes any planes flying overhead to fall from the sky. At least, that's what I think is the theory. I could be completely wrong. I'm no Lostie.

I am now at the point where I gave up the show. Or perhaps I'm just beyond that point. I don't know. The memory's hazy. Sometimes I'll see a scene that I think looks familiar, or I'll suddenly know what happens in a certain scene. Then again, I have been wrong about some things, too. I thought Charlie had died by now. I thought Eko was killed by the smoke monster. I thought Sun had cheated on Jin...no, she was loyal all along...no, she really did cheat.

Yeah. My memory sucks.

But I'm still here. I’m not about to give up on this show a second time. I've got all the episodes downloaded, along with subtitles. There really is no excuse to stop watching. And you know what? I don't want to stop. Because MUCH more than not, I am enjoying this show.

Onward.

Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains: Can We Get Courtney A Cookie?

Last night's episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains was meh. This really shouldn't be the case, with an all-star cast that includes Boston Rob and Evil Russell.

But alas, Boston Rob fell ill last night, so instead of being interesting, he just lay on the ground whimpering about how "it's [the game] getting the best of me." WTH??? Then there's Evil Russell. I'd half-expected him to find a hidden immunity by now, or at least burn a pair of socks, but nope. All he does is lurk behind the trees staring daggers at Boston Rob for stealing the spotlight. I can't decide who's the bigger baby.

Then there's Courtney. Listen, can we get this girl a cookie or a sandwich or something? She's already a stick with platinum hair. But last night, we were treated to the lovely sight of her rib cages. I could actually count the bones underneath her skin. Maybe if they gave this girl a hamburger, she'd actually be nice to people. Then again, maybe not.

Somehow or other, by the end of the episode, James and Stephenie had become mortal enemies. James made this whole big stink about Stephenie being the only one from her original tribe to make it to the end. Uh, who cares, James? Stephenie, meanwhile, was just plain unlikeable. She always had an angry look on her face (not unlike Michelle Rodriguez on Lost), and she was always telling the camera how she was trying to keep her mouth shut to stay out of trouble. She's quite self-aware, that one. I don't know how she ended up on the Heroes team. Then again, I didn't watch whatever season she was on. Anywho. Stephenie got the boot in the end, and now the Heroes are down two members while the Villains (and their socks) are still intact.

So there you have it, a most disappointing episode of Survivor. I should've just watched the Olympics. Congrats to Evan Lysacek!

American Idol: Waiting To Exhale.

So last night, after dragging it out over three hours over two nights, American Idol revealed the Top 24. 12 boys, 12 girls. One Asian guy.

Yes, John Park made it! He did!

I'm telling you, I was curled up on the sofa dying of agony. They didn't announce his fate until almost the end. Meanwhile, we had to sit through the fates of all the people with the sob stories.

I know this season Idol wanted to focus more on the people with interesting backgrounds and less on the crazies, but I'm kind of over that now. Seriously over that. I want the people with sparkling personalities and terrific voices. No more poverty, no more Alzheimer's grandmas, no more seizure babies. Please. No more.

And how about that final selection of Andrew Garcia over Thaddeus Johnson? What a bummer. Both are talented, but I just liked Thaddeus better. He had spunk, he has sass, and he would've probably been 10 times more fun to watch than the Danny Gokey lookalike. Alas, we'll never know.

Big ups to Haeley Vaughn*, the country-singing black girl. I'm a HUGE country fan, and everyone I know seems to hate it. Haeley, I hope you go far, because Idol has enough rockers. Let's bring country back!

I also like Didi Benami, the waitress who sang Kara DioGuardi's song, and Crystal Bowersox, the girl with the dreadlocks. Actually, I pretty much like all of them. There is not one annoying one in the bunch.

But until he gets voted off, at which point I will declare "I'm swearing off Idol" but not actually do it, I am John Park all the way.

*I just figured out why this name is so familiar. I used to watch Regis & Kelly all the time, and Kelly Ripa would talk about her time at All My Children, where she played a character named Hayley Vaughan. Random.

Vancouver Olympics Opening Ceremony: Putting The "Eh" in "Eh?"

I haven't heard anyone say this, so perhaps this puts me in the severe minority.

But that Vancouver Olympics Opening Ceremony was the most boring thing I've ever seen.

Seriously. Boring.

I don't mean to offend anybody, least of all the First Nations of Canada. I'm glad they were honored and their history was told in the most-watched event of the world.

I just didn't want to see TWO HOURS of it. I felt like I was watching a moving exhibit at the Canadian Museum of Nature.

Remember a year and a half ago, Summer 2008, when Beijing stunned the world with the choreographed drumming, the moving scrolls, the rising and falling boxes operated by (surprise!) people underneath? I remember it well. Because I turned off the Vancouver Opening Ceremony somewhere in the middle of Sarah McLachlan playing piano while dancers frolicked in the two-dimensional forest background (zzzzzz) to rewatch the Beijing one on YouTube. Even on a two-by-four-inch video screen, the Beijing ceremony takes your breath away.

My fiance would like to point out here that what I am writing is "so cruel" and that "not every country has slave labor!" True. But let's call a spade a spade, or rather, a snoozy ceremony a snoozy ceremony.

My fiance would also like to point out that the Vancouver ceremony cost one-tenth of Beijing's ($30 million to $300 million). Well, it's the biggest worldwide event, and you only get to host it every so often (or never), so you may as well make the most of it.

Look, Vancouver's ceremony wasn't all boring. I really liked the first minute, with the guy snowboarding down the mountain and through the Olympic rings. That was really cool. I also liked seeing all the athletes walk out (as I do every Olympics), and I got a tear in my eye when the audience gave a standing ovation to the Georgian athletes because of one of their own had died earlier that day.

But yeah. The ceremony could've, should've been better. London, you better bring it in 2012.

Lost: A Progress Report.

This weekend, the fiance and I watched a bunch of Lost episodes. I figured that if we got through two seasons a month, we'd be caught up by the time the finale airs in May.

Right now, we are four episodes into the 2nd season. And I've learned a few things:

1) I have seen TWO seasons of Lost, not one. I have also seen the first episode of the third season (which was stupendous, and my giving up on the show thereafter should not take away from that). The first season: I love all the characters' back stories and all the island survival stuff. Season one was excellent, and even watching it a second time, I found it absorbing. It's what a first season of any show should be. The second season, focusing on the Dharma Initiative and the hatch and the other group of people on the plane, is a complete departure from season one. I can feel myself slipping into familiar territory--not understanding what's going on, losing interest in the show, wanting more of the season one feel. I don't care about Desmond, I don't care about Ana Lucia, and I can't get that dang Mamas and the Papas song "Make Your Own Kind of Music" out of my head. It even played in my head throughout my nap today.

2) I really like Hurley and Locke. I didn't like Locke so much the first season, but now I can appreciate how smart and resourceful he is, and how he constantly forces other characters to evaluate themselves and make hard decisions. Hurley is the kind of deadpan funny that I love. And when he smiles, the whole room lights up. I wish for more Hurley in the coming episodes.

As terrific the first season was, it did lack a few things. One, it never resolved the question of Jack's ex-wife. What happened to her? Besides the fact that she now plays the mom on Modern Family? Another thing is, where do all the outfits come from? Seriously, Shannon and Kate and Sun wear the cutest shirts. And they all fit perfectly. Each one of them stranded on an island has more outfits than I currently do. The fiance pointed out that the survivors wear not just their own clothes but other people's clothes on the plane. A fair point. But it's still really hard for me to believe. A month's worth of fresh clothes? For each female character?

These are some of the things on my mind as I go through the episodes. Maybe I'll do a progress post each time I get through a season. I'm very curious what'll happen as I get into the episodes I haven't watched. Will I understand what's going on? Will I regret giving up on it three years ago? Will I still have the Mamas and the Papas song stuck in my head? Stay tuned.

The Amazing Race 16: Who Are We Rooting For?

Happy birthday to me! The Amazing Race premieres this Sunday, and I could not ask for a more wonderful belated birthday gift. Before I analyze the teams and give my list of favorites, here is how CBS is touting the new season:

"Eleven Teams Hit the Road for a 40,000-Mile Sprint around the Globe and Find Themselves in the Midst of a World War I Re-enactment, Retracing the Early Days of The Beatles and Come Face-to-Face with One of the World’s Most Infamous Villains."

Yep...still catering to the 65+ crowd, I see.

Also, who's the infamous villain? Osama bin Laden? Did they actually find the dude???

As far as the teams go, there's nothing crazy. Just your usual assortment of cowboys, models, lesbians, and...JEFF AND JORDAN FROM BIG BROTHER!!! This wasn't news to anybody who wasn't living under a rock, but I still get a little thrill every time I see their team photo. They are so cute. I'm so glad they are still together. They seem to really...oh, sorry. I'm supposed to be talking about TAR.

There is also an Asian American married couple (also adorable in their photo), who of course I'll be rooting for. I also like the grandma-granddaughter team. Grandma is 71 and she's a personal trainer! Note to self: Start taking calcium supplements. Last but not least, there is a team of undercover detectives. Hmm...I wonder if they found Osama?

TAR 16 kicks off at 8PM ET on Sunday. Phil, it's been too long.

TV Pilots 2010-11: Behold Your (Possible) Future.

Every year, the TV networks take a look at a bunch of proposals for new shows. If they like something, they will order a pilot for it. If they like the pilot, and the show seems promising, they will order a set of episodes--usually 13 to start with, enough for half a season. If the show delivers great ratings, the network will order a full season--22 to 24 episodes.

It all starts somewhere, and right now, we're starting at the very beginning, in the words of Julie Andrews. We're in the thick of pilot season, and I thought I'd run through some of them for you. I'm only going to do 2 or 3 from each network, but they should give you a sense of where TV is trending.

Here, in no particular order, are what the networks are considering bringing to your television screens for the 2010-11 season:

NBC has...

...Chase. From Jerry Bruckheimer, who brought us CSI and The Amazing Race, as well as shows we'd like to forget, like The Forgotten, Chase is based on a real-life group of U.S. Marshals that tracks down criminals. Does this sound familiar? Yeah, it sounds like another NBC drama I will not be watching.

...Kindreds. From David E. Kelley, who created three shows I've never seen: Boston Legal, The Practice, L.A. Law. Kindreds is about a lawyer and his group of misfits who come together to form an unconventional law practice. So...it's basically a clips show of those three David E. Kelley shows I never watched.

...Outsourced. It's a comedy about a guy who's sent to India to train a bunch of customer service reps. I am confident NBC will find a way to cast all white people even though this show is set in India.

CBS has...

...ATF. It's about an ATF agent trying to raise a teenage daughter while hunting down criminals. Let me guess: season finale, daughter gets kidnapped. Season 2 finale (if the show makes it that far), daughter marries one of the hunted criminals. Season 3 finale, daughter ends up joining a gang of hunted criminals. Season 4 finale, daughter gets killed, and dad leaves his job, goes dark, seeks vengeance. You know, this show doesn't sound half-bad. I actually see a lot of potential. Hey, can we get Kristen Bell to play the daughter? She doesn't look a day over 16.

...The Quinn-tuplets. It's described as "a drama about the personal and professional lives of the adult Quinn quintuplets, whose whole lives have been documented on TV." So does this mean it's a scripted show about real people? Or a scripted show about scripted people? Or a scripted show about scripted people in which the scripted people are real people?

ABC has...

...Awkward Situations for Men. It's a comedy about a British dude (Danny Wallace) who moves to America with his wife, and gets into all sorts of trouble in his everyday life because he has no clue about American values. I already don't like this show because the British accent confounds me.

...Generation Y. It's about a bunch of people who have flashbacks to 10 years ago when they were in high school. I've already seen this show. It was called Reunion. It wasn't good. And yet, I want to watch this anyway.

Fox has...

...and untitled IRS workplace comedy. Yes, "IRS" and "workplace" and "comedy" can coexist in the same sentence. It's exec-produced by Ron Howard, who gave us movies like The Da Vinci Code and TV shows like Arrested Development. It stars David Krumholtz, from CBS's canceled Numb3rs. I don't have anything else to say about this show, but I included it because it's getting a lot of buzz.

...Ridealong. This is about police officers in Chicago, including a Polish-American cop and a female chief of police. Let's just call this premise what it is: a worthy substitute for Ambien. Look, change that to Martian-American cop and conjoined-twins chiefs of police, and maybe you'll have something.

The CW has...

...okay, before I get into this, know that I am a sucker for CW shows, particularly shows set in a time/place I wish to go back to, namely high school, because I had a really crappy time there, and if I could, I'd do it all over again, and do everything differently. Also, I miss college, because it was everything high school wasn't, so I am also a sucker for shows set in college. That said, I'm excited for:

...HMS. It's about a group of med students at Harvard. Hayden Panettiere (from Heroes) is exec-producing this show. I'm really hoping for a Felicity-like heroine on this show. I miss Felicity.

...Hellcats. Set in the world of competitive college cheerleading. Three words. BRING. IT. ON!

So there you have it. The usual mixed bag of cop shows, legal dramas, and workplace comedies. Nothing that makes me jump out of my seat the way Glee did. But who knows? If my early skepticism of FlashForward is any indicator, we're in for at least a few nice surprises this year.

Dating In The Dark: Back For Round 2.

Last summer's quasi-hit reality show, Dating in the Dark, will be back this summer for a second season. I am so excited.

DITD ended its run about two weeks before I started Linda's TV, so I never got to write about it. But it is the. best. show.

For those not in the know, the show features six contestants--three men, three women--who live in separate quarters of a house. The only times they get to interact is in a pitch-black room on "dates." The first date is with all six people. They sit across from each other, women on one side, men on the other, and chat. Then they go back into their quarters and decide who they want one-on-one dates with. They also have to go on dates with the one they are most compatible with, according to a computer. At the end of the episode, they pick who they want to see in the light. If they like what they see, they go out on a balcony and wait for them. If the other person likes them back, they will meet them on the balcony. If not, they will walk out of the house wheeling a suitcase, in full view of the rejected contestant.

This show is actually not as skeezy as it sounds. You might think a date in the dark is prime territory for inappropriate groping, but it's all very tame. What I like about the show are two things: 1) The group of contestants (which change every episode) are usually fairly diverse, and they're pretty normal-looking--that is, they're not all blonde sticks and Ken dolls, and 2) there's not always a happy ending. The show feels real (as real as TV gets, anyway) because sometimes only one out of three pairs end up choosing each other, while the others go home with a slightly broken heart.

One episode, all three girls liked the same guy. But when he went out on the balcony, guess what? All three girls changed their mind and went home.

Did I mention how awesome this show is?

Dating in the Dark does not have a premiere date, but six episodes have been ordered. I can't wait.

Another Traumatizing Moment On Grey's Anatomy.

In the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy, we were treated to this horrifying plotpoint:

A woman is having abdominal surgery. While Dr. Bailey is digging through the woman's intestines, THE WOMAN WAKES UP.

Ahhhh!

The woman is frozen; she can't move, she can't speak. Meanwhile, Dr. Bailey does the #1 thing you're not supposed to do when you're operating on a woman and she wakes up: She freaks out.

If I ever need surgery for anything, here's what I want. I want my finger taped to a button attached to the side of the surgery table. If I feel myself start to wake up, I can press that button and the anaesthesiologist will know to shoot some more drugs into me to knock me out. How simple is that?

Book 'em, Daniel! I Mean, Danno.

I've complained about TV remakes in the past. But now I am going to have to eat my words.

You see, Daniel Dae Kim, who plays Jin on Lost, is going to star in the Hawaii Five-O remake on CBS. Have I ever seen Hawaii Five-O? Nope. Do I have any idea what it's about, other than cops in Hawaii? Nope. Can I tear my eyes from Daniel Dae Kim's sculpted jawline? Nope.

I'm super-stoked that an Asian male actor may be appearing on network TV. There aren't many of them out there. But dang it if show-killer Alex O'Loughlin isn't in talks to star in this remake!

He already killed Three Rivers, putting the painfully gorgeous Daniel Henney out of work. If there's a TV god, I'm hoping he reads this blog: Don't let Alex kill this show, too.

By the way, to the legions of Alex O'Loughlin fans out there who want my head on a stake because I wrote that entry about not giving him any more shots: I have nothing against the man. I'm sure he's a very nice person, and a decent actor. I am just tired of one guy getting all these chances at new shows when there are plenty of other actors who need work. Just sayin'.

Super Bowl XLIV: Highlights and Lowlights.

Last night, like 96 million other Americans, I watched the Super Bowl matchup between the Colts and the Saints. Now, I love me some Manning brothers, but I was rooting for the Saints. A) They've never won a Super Bowl B) They deserve it after Katrina and C) Scott Fujita looks mighty fine in those Spandex.

And of course, the commercials. Before I get into them, allow me to share this snippet of conversation between the fiancé and me:

Me: These commercials are so sexist! Ugh!

Fiancé: Well, they know who their audience is.

Me: But a lot of women watch the Super Bowl.

Fiancé: Yeah, but they only watch for the commercials.

Me: Aha! See???

This is the first time in recent memory I've won an argument with the fiancé. I was pretty stoked.

Anywhosers, the commercials this year were mostly eh. Lots of talking babies (which freak me out), animals, beer, Doritos, and cars. One of my favorite commercials was this one from Dodge Charger. Here is part of the ad:

I will be civil to your mother

I will put the seat down

I will separate the recycling

I will carry your lip balm

I will watch your vampire TV shows with you (yesssss! I squealed at this part)

I will take my socks off before getting into bed (ha!)

I will put my underwear in the basket (yes!!!)

And because I do this, I will drive the car I want to drive. Charger: Man’s Last Stand! (all right, all right, calm down, drive whatever you want, what do I care? As long as you put your underwear away)

Another great commercial was the Snickers one with Betty White and Abe Vigoda. That Betty White, she takes a beating in just about every cameo she makes. I also loved Oprah-Dave-Jay. Yes, talk about an awkwardly bad Super Bowl party. And I loved the screaming chickens from Denny's. My favorite chicken was the one screaming in outer space. Chicken astronaut! Awesome.

Everyone is raving about the ad paid for by Google. I don't know why Google bought an ad, since everybody uses it. Anyway, the ad was very sweet. It was a guy Googling advice, from how to find a job to how to have a long-distance relationship to where are the churches in Paris to how to build a crib. I didn't get it at first, because I came in to the ad about halfway in and had no idea what was going on. I felt like that kid who's late to the party and they've already cut the cake. I mean they saved a slice for you, but it's still not the same.

The halftime show was pretty good. The Who sang a medley of their hits, including the theme songs from all three CSIs. The band was positively geriatic. The lead singer looked like he was going to fall over and break a hip. Still, they rocked the hizzouse. Anybody who can belt out songs like that at age 962 deserves to sing at the Super Bowl.

Following the big game (congrats again to the Saints! who dat?) was the highly anticipated premiere of Undercover Boss. Okay let's be real, this show was NOT highly anticpated--people hardly knew it was on! I say this because throughout the game, people were Googling "what's on after the super bowl" to find my site. Anyway, the preliminary numbers are in, and Undercover Boss was watched by 31.35 million viewers. It was a great episode to lead off with, and I hope people liked it. I know I can relate to it--the head of my company does not know my name, and he works around the corner from my cube. And there are less than 30 people here. Sad face. Can I work for WasteManagement?

I keed.

Wow, this was a mammoth entry. And believe it or not, I've got more up my sleeve for today...

Random Stuff People Google To Find My Site.

Just for giggles (and because I didn't watch anything worth writing about last night), here are some of the most popular phrases people Google to find this blog.

"kent avenido filipino"

This is THE MOST popular phrase that links to my site. It seems the entire Philippine nation loves Howard Bamboo. Glee writers, are you taking note?

"america's next top model jennifer lazy eye"

This is another biggie. I don't know why people are still Googling her. Jennifer, if you're reading this, know that there are tons of people out there still thinking about you.

"courteney cox 40 is the new 20"

Believe it or not, I am the #1 link if you Google that phrase. Hollaaa. Also, a lot of people misspell Courteney.

"bachelor diversity white"

I am the #1 link here, too! Hey, ABC--I am not the only one tired of the same old, same old.

"what's on after the super bowl" With the big game on Sunday, I've gotten a lot of these lately. (Undercover Boss, you're welcome.) Hey CBS, you might want to do some marketing. Put up a poster or something. People have no clue.

There you have it. The random stuff people want to know about. By the way, Google, thanks for sending so many visitors my way!

The Middle: A Heck Of A Good Show.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who woke up from a nap to watch American Idol only to find something else on. Especially if that something else is Human Target.

Does anyone know when American Idol is on? Seriously? Is it 8 or 9PM? Is it two hours or one hour? Is it two hours on Tuesday and one hour on Wednesday or what? Seems like it changes every week.

So I flipped over to watch a Modern Family rerun. I was so pissed off at Human Target that I thought the best form of revenge was to watch a rerun. You know what? Modern Family goes down just as good the second time around.

Following Modern Family was a new episode of the Patricia Heaton comedy, The Middle. I had not seen a single episode of this, but I'd heard it was funny. And it was! It's very similar to MF in terms of featuring a harried mom with a lackadaisical husband and three rowdy kids. (By the way, the family's name is the Hecks. Hence the blogpost title.) Anyway, the episode I watched was about Patricia Heaton getting sick of having to yell at her kids to do everything, so she decides to stop nagging and see what happens. By the end of the episode, she's locked in the drugstore at night in her bathrobe. It was absurd, and yet it all made perfect sense.

Also, the youngest kid, Brick (played by Atticus Shaffer), is adorable. Except, all I could think of when I saw him was, "Jumby wants to be born."

Sadly, since The Middle runs in an odd time period (830PM), and since I am going to start checking when Idol is supposed to be on before turning on the TV, I will probably not watch this show again. But I have to say it for the record: The show's good, and I'm glad it got a second season.

P.S. Tracy Morgan, I found out where Chris Kattan went. He's on a TV comedy just like you.

Big Love: Jerry Springer Style.

Big Love is getting CA-RAZY!

First you have Margene and Ben. Margene is one of Bill's three wives (the other two are Barb and Nicki). Ben is Barb's son--he's around 20. Margene is the youngest wife, she's in her mid-twenties. So their age difference isn't so bad. Except...Margene is pretty much like a mom/aunt to Ben. And they shared a passionate kiss. Ahhhh.

Then you have JJ, Nicki's ex-husband. Nicki and JJ have a very bitter relationship, because they can't agree on how to raise their daughter (Nicki wants her to get an education, and JJ wants her to be super-Mormon). Anyway, JJ goes to Alby (Nicki's brother, who's now the prophet) and makes him "prophesize" that JJ is supposed to marry Nicki's mother. Yes, that's right, Nicki's ex-husband is now her father. Ahhh!

By these standards, creepy Alby and his gay married lover are the most functional couple on the show. Hey Bill O'Reilly, you watching this show?

The Chucks They Are A-Changin'.

Last night, we saw a new Chuck.

I don't mean a new episode of Chuck. I mean a different Chuck. I can't explain what it was exactly that suddenly switched in the character, but all of a sudden, the goofy, insecure, excitable Chuck we've come to know and love was replaced by a colder, smoother Chuck. A Chuck who "burned an asset" and had no qualms about it. A Chuck who lied to his sister's face and barely blinked an eye.

Yes, this is season 3, and he can't stay the same guy forever.

But still.

I miss the old Chuck.

Taking Back Lost.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I gave up on Lost after season 1, because my head had exploded.

But recently, my fiancé expressed interest in trying out the show. Yes, there is a techie geek out there who has actually not seen an episode of this show. I'll let you sit on that for a moment.

Anyway, he asked if I'd like to watch it with him. And I said yes. I figure, maybe if I sit there and watch all five seasons in a row, I can make sense of it. So we downloaded them, with English subtitles (I need all the help I can get), and started watching last night.

So far, so good. We only got through the pilot, but he seemed to like it. And I was reminded of why I got hooked in the first place. The characters all have compelling backstories. And the crazy monster bellowing in the mountains--how can you not want to know what happens with that?

Lost's sixth and final season premieres tomorrow night. Maybe by the time the finale airs in May, we'll have caught up. And then I can finally finish what I started all those years ago.

Life Unexpected: A Worthy Successor To Gilmore Girls And Everwood.

I finally got around to watching the new CW series Life Unexpected this weekend, and am in agreement with critics: This show is good.

The show has been compared to Gilmore Girls and Everwood, and has been hailed as the return of the CW/WB to old-school, feel-good shows. It's got the snappy dialogue of Gilmore, the heart of Everwood, and a location we haven't seen in a while--Portland. Yes, that's right, there are other places in this country besides New York and LA! Who would've thunk it?

What I also learned is that Portland has a decent Chinatown. At least, that's what it looks like on the show, since they filmed so many scenes in C-town in the first two episodes, and always in different spots. I went to the Boston C-town recently, and am currently obsessed with what they look like all over the country.

Anyway, back to Life Unexpected. The characters have really weird names, which bothers me only because what kind of a coincidence is THAT? You have the main character, Lux. You have her biological father, Baze (okay, his name is Nate, but he goes by an abbreviation of his last name, which is Bazile). Then you have Lux's boyfriend, Bug. Okay, Bug is homeless and homeless people often have funky names. But still.

I had my doubts about the casting at first, with Shiri Appleby and Kristoffer Polaha as the birth parents and Kerr Smith as Shiri's boyfriend. But they're all great in their roles. Shiri Appleby in particular brings an emotional vulnerability to the role that I was very surprised by. The last time I saw her was as a teenager in Roswell, and that angsty I'm-not-an-alien-but-I'm-in-love-with-one stuff got old after a while. Now she's a mom with a lot of regrets about abandoning her child and leaving her to grow up in horrible foster homes.

And the girl who plays Lux, Britt Robertson, is spunky and cute. Lux is about 10,000 times more mature than her birth parents, which is sad (and the whole point of the show). But she's a strong, tough kid. Also, I waited and waited for the show to explain how two brown-haired parents could give birth to a blond child. My fiancé, being a smarty-pants grad student studying genetics, insisted it was possible.

Me: But how???

Fiance: If the dad had a parent who was blond, or the mom had a parent who was blond, then their daughter could come out blonde.

Yeah, okay. I still think they cast the roles first and then said, "Whoops...the daughter doesn't look like the parents. Oh well." The show did at least acknowledge this, at the very end of episode 2. It's how Lux got her name--because she came out blonde, and her parents had dark hair and...yeah.

If you miss Gilmore and still hold a grudge against the powers that be for canceling Everwood, well, give this show a try. I think you'll like it.